Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 2 1 2
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 2,174
Likes: 46
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 2,174
Likes: 46
All sounds good Hazy. Keep moving forward and GAL. It will get easier and easier with time and space. You are teaching your daughters a lot when they see you handle this painful situation with dignity and grace. Your H probably is sad. Let him sit with that feeling while you get stronger. You will begin to think more clearly as you become accustomed to your new normal. In my sitch, I fought clarity a lot in the beginning. I was so heartbroken that the future I had planned was being obliterated by my H and I got no say in it. But I’m okay now... in fact, I am better than okay. Over time I have been able to see my marriage with clear eyes and realized I have been desperately lonely and overlooked by him for years. No more... I am putting me first for the first time in a long time and it feels really, really good. When you get to a place of acceptance, things will change for you. In the meantime, just try to hang in there and make small steps. Be kind to yourself. Show your daughters that you can triumph over adversity and be the best version of you. Not for him...for you and for them. (((HUGS)))

Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 25
H
Hazy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 25
I've been doing really well with going dark. My H has been having a hard time with it. He has contacted my Ds to ask them why I won't talk to him. They told him I needed space. He told them I was being unfair and that I had no reason to be mad. We did have contact through email when he emailed about insurance stuff. I answered and discussed topic and nothing else. He said some snide remarks that I did not respond to.

We have a graduation next week. It will be very awkward but I have to just power through it.


M-49 H-52
D-21 D-20 D-17
Married 20 years
Separated - Since 01/2014

Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
Keep going strong. No contact is really smart. You need to break your cycle and that’s the only way to do it. The snide remarks are made to get a reaction. Not responding to them is really great. Good job!

He’s telling your daughter (who he knows will tell you) how you should feel???? Who the hell is he? He’s diminishing you and your feelings and he takes no responsibility. He does not deserve to be in your life. He’s really manipulative. You can’t wait for people like this or debate or talk sense into them. You just have to cut them out. They are empty or sociopathic or maybe narcissistic. Doesn’t matter. What matters is you. And what your gonna do to heal. Your life, your feelings are yours not his. Take that back.

He’s also telling your daughter that you are being unfair. That’s horrible. You are being very fair. You are protecting yourself and shutting his sh!t down. What bothers me, is that he’s basically condoning his cheating and lying and betrayal to your daughter. Kids - even adult ones need to know how cheating should not be accepted. You don’t want them marrying or putting up with cheaters. (Cheaters risk lives and health ) . I have a friend whose husband cheated and she left. She has a young, gorgeous, successful daughter who is dating someone that keeps cheating on her. She said her dad did it and she still loves her dad. So if she broke up with him it would be like saying she can’t love her dad.i know the logic makes no sense. But she’s so young and she’s got so much going for her and she’s with a loser that’s gonna bring misery to her life. It’s hard to hear about.

Good luck at graduation. Can you take a supportive friend or family member with you?


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
Quote
I have a friend whose husband cheated and she left. She has a young, gorgeous, successful daughter who is dating someone that keeps cheating on her. She said her dad did it and she still loves her dad. So if she broke up with him it would be like saying she can’t love her dad

Yeah, my niece's father (my ex-BIL) is a sociopath and not a good dad. Now my niece is grown and she keeps picking guys who either aren't that into her or make her jump through hoops. She's gorgeous, intelligent, witty and an RN. She could have any number of great guys but keeps picking the difficult ones and I'm sure it goes back to her father issues.

Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 25
H
Hazy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 25
Thank you all so much for your encouraging words. I do have supportive family coming with me. I'm really good at "pretending" things are ok and like nothing is happening, which isn't a good quality. At least I don't think it is anymore cause that's the face I showed my girls for six years. I did have a talk with all three of them separately and told them the effects it might have on their future relationships because of their parents. I tried to explain when it doesn't feel right it's not right and don't do what I do. do what I say LOL Hopefully I got through to them a little.

DeJaVu, you're right about being heartbroken about the future. I know now that's what I was mourning, I had a certain picture in my head and I was stuck on that instead of what was reality and just moving forward. I found this new Podcast called Committed. I like it because it talks about married couples going through troubles and persevering. Not really because of marital problems but because of outside issues that made them stronger as a couple. I listen and remind myself that things could be worse and I need to put my big girl panties on and GAL!


M-49 H-52
D-21 D-20 D-17
Married 20 years
Separated - Since 01/2014

Page 2 of 2 1 2

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard