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Thanks Alison.
What you said makes sense. Unfortunately I dont know her so any offering from me would seem creepy.
But in my mind I know what she is going thru, what all of us here went thru.

I remember the calming effect the veterans here had on me when I would come in here all panicked.

Replies starting with:

" Expect this to happen now..."
" Dont believe anything they say.."
"Protect yourself.. "
" You have been given the gift of time.."

helped me immensely.


B.D in December 2018
Physical Affairs discovered in April 2019
Divorced May 2019
H (me) 49
W (her) 29
Joined: May 2019
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I recently heard, "To be a much better physician, you need to be a patient." This is so true. Everyone of us here understands sorrow, suffering and grief like only a small percentage of people. We truly understand how awful divorce is, and how precious marriage is.


M: 22, T: 27
Three Children
BD: 12/15/18
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Originally Posted by gzabetas

Wondering if you guys have any advice on if I should help this woman and how to even begin.


That's very kind of you to want to reach out, but I wouldn't. She's under medical care now so she will probably be going through counseling and getting medicated. Trying to help her with DB advice would likely just confuse her right now. Hopefully her medical attention will help her bounce back but it'll probably take some time to work.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Please start a new thread and link both threads together.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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"Murphy, its you !"

I think in terms of movies alot.
This phrase is in my mind when I think about us LBS.

We see this alien who has abducted our spouse, irrational, confused, having thrown everything away.
This stone faced other creature, going mechanically thru the motions.
I am only talking about the spouses that were genuinely nice people to their wives/husbands but due to some deep childhood trauma or psychological disorder, couldn't cope and bailed on us.

Saw the wife the other day, and deep behind her eyes I saw a glimmer of that love. Kind of like she remembered some good stuff - the real story, not the script she has rewritten which is falling apart lately. The made up script is so unbelievable, she doesn't even believe it now.

I felt like tapping her on the shoulder and telling her something to the effect "Murphy, its you !"

For those that have seen the film Robocop, I think it will resonate.

Somewhere behind that armor of their indifference and hatred we see a glimpse of their former self.



Last edited by gzabetas; 07/03/19 08:41 PM.

B.D in December 2018
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W (her) 29
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Last edited by job; 07/09/19 02:48 PM. Reason: added link to new thread

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