Don't assume anything. He may have been there for another reason. Time will tell if he is moving forward with the divorce. Until you know something, continue as you have been.
The old saying that "the truth will set you free" is very true. At some point in our lives, be it now, next week, next year, etc. or on our death beds, most of us will face those "truths". Some continue to run fast and hard. Let's hope your h finally comes to terms w/himself and those "truths" very soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well H did file for divorce. Not that he let me know, I found out by looking at the district court website. I called him and of course he did not answer and I also texted and of course no response.....not surprised by the lack of acknowledgement. I'm sure his lawyer (and his mommy) told him not to respond to me.
For me that is a HUGE slap in the face and so disrespectful on so many levels and speaks about his character. It also shows me what to expect from him moving forward.
Job.....Just like everyone else going through MLC, H thinks that the path he is on is the right one. He honestly feels like he has done so much work on himself and is in "such a better place" especially since he has gone to one year of IC. But in all honestly he is still running hard and fast. I'm sure he has his family and friends telling him that everything he is doing is right. I really hope he does come to terms with himself and his truths one day.....right now he is not anywhere near those truths. In my mind he still has not hit "rock bottom" despite what he thinks and is still living with so much fear, shame and guilt.
Peace......I contacted my previous lawyer and plan to have a phone call with him next week. I have not been officially served since he just filed today. I am not sure if this same lawyer will be a good advocate for me in the terms of trying to not let H take all of my money. When I filed last time I wanted to put 'infidelity" as the reason for divorce but he said that was not a good idea, so I didn't. I am going to need someone who is strong because I have a feeling that this could get ugly.
As difficult as it was to learn about him filing, there really isn't anything I can do to stop it. I know that I will have periods where my anger will get the best of me, and that is when I will need to reach out to friends, family or come here to vent.
I am sorry about H’s secret filing for divorce. My XW filed secretly as well, I found out when I was served the divorce petition from my lawyer. She still, 7 months later, hasn’t mentioned it or brought it up with me or the kids. Of course the kids all know. It’s a bizarre relationship she built between them with that unsaid. MLC is a strange weird irrational thing.
You are correct, nothing you can do to stop it or him. He hasn’t hit rock bottom, still running hard and fast.
I like that you are open to changing lawyers, you might want to explorer a few more lawyers, depending on what separation agreements you already have in place. As you stated, you are now entering the next phase. It is probably the biggest financial decision of your life, doesn’t hurt to have a few different professionals look things over, and then go with whomever is best for you.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
It is hard for me to wrap my brain around how someone who was in love and wanting our marriage to work in November of 2018 has now decided in May 2019 that he is ready for divorce. And to do it in such a sneaky way shows me what a coward he is.
I looked back and I filed on May 6, 2016 and now he has filed May 2, 2019.....AND our anniversary is May 19th
Not sure if he will ever hit rock bottom, I think he will continue to run hard and fast because that is most certainly a place he will not be comfortable going to.
Unfortunately we did not do a separation agreement (we don't have children and no property between the two of us, and we already had separate accounts)......not sure if we can/need to do one now as H has filed. I need to look into that.
I am certain that H will try to get as much money as he can from me. I mentioned in a previous post when I first came to the boards after I had filed, that his father told him to "take me for everything I had"...…...I'm sure the sentiment still applies.
He is struggling financially and has gotten himself into some debt around $20K (not including his truck payment), and he struggles to make ends meet monthly, so I am sure he is looking for me to be his "cash cow" and bail him out.
I really do hope that a judge will at least take a look at his spending habits and determine that it is not up to be to help him with all of that. However, my state is a community property state and since I sold the house he is entitled to half of the proceeds, that amount will take care of his debt and also leave him with quite a bit left over. I think he might also be entitled to other savings I put aside.
THAT is what is really making me upset. He spends like crazy, I save for our future, and now he gets half of the money and I did not get to reap any of the benefits of his spending.
My plan is to look for other lawyers.....maybe someone will be a bit of "bulldog" and fight for what I deserve.
I am so sorry he's filed. But, like many of them, they do not tell us when they filed. They do not consider that it is our business to know because they think we will explode, i.e., be angry, and start begging them to try to save the marriage. My xh didn't tell me, but by the time he filed, I was extremely happy to get the divorce over and done with. He tried to take me to the cleaners as well, but he had forgotten one thing...I had worked for lawyers and had access to the law library and had gotten some very sage advice from others on what to do before he filed.
Yes, they do get ugly, selfish and can be done right nasty when it comes to divorce and even though he said at one point he didn't want to do something, he will now. Get your ducks in a row and find a lawyer who isn't afraid to take him and his lawyer on. You want someone who is going to fight for you. BTW, I definitely would state the reason for the divorce is infidelity...why hide it. You certainly didn't drift apart. Do you have something called alienation of affection law in your state? You might want to look up your state and see if it exists. Some states have this law.
Take care and sending positive thoughts your way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It was suggested to me to spend the extra money to get a real good L I had a friend who had good results after her D and she recommended one and he was great expensive but worth it
I know it is so hurtful My XH did not tell me so I found out when served
Hang in there ON a positive note you are closer to being done
and the other side of this has no more waiting or urgency
You did all you could and tried hard to help hi m and save the M No one could ask more
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
If there are no children and no property involved, you likely don't need a separation agreement unless one of you is entitled to spousal support. My STBXH and I did one and it will just be applied to the divorce in May with no extra paperwork needed since we already dealt with property and custody/access to our children. Sorry things are going down this way. I remember how much it hurt when everything was at its peak in my sitch. I am happy to report, however, there is life after separation/divorce. I barely think of my STBXH at all these days. NEVER did I think I would get here but I did and my life is much much better without him than it was with him. His GF is welcome to him.
