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Tryhard #2843144 03/23/19 06:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Tryhard
At least you still have a sense of humor . You got any plans for the week buddy ?


Haha, I still try to keep my sense of humor, I wish I can restore it to its maximum capacity but it is really hard and my mind is full of other negative emotions that I wish I can remove permanently.

As of plans for this weekend, I have volunteered to work on a animal sanctuary that was damaged by the snow storms we had, I know it does not sound like the most fun thing to do but I do not have that many friends and the few I have are busy with their lives, so here I go, I will try to interact with a bunch of strangers with a fake smile.

97Hope #2843149 03/23/19 07:18 PM
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Originally Posted by 97Hope
Hi Krull. I'm so sorry you are down. I suffered from depression for most of my marriage. Some seasons better, some I could hardly make it out from under the bed.

I did counseling, pills, acupuncture, you name it. I finally found a lady (Christian counselor) who specialized in EMDR therapy. It was a game changer. I have nothing against the meds, but I tried them for 7 years and sometimes they helped but when they didn't, I, too thought of suicide.

When I wasn't thinking about suicide, I was seeing ways that I might die, and I was telling myself that the world would be better off, I would be better off, dying.

What I'm saying is, our situations etc might not be the same, and my solution might not be yours, but I wanted to tell you that you will NOT always feel this way. I have met others who have made it to the other side with depression, anxiety, PTSD and situational depression. Don't give up, is what I'm saying. Keep knocking down doors until you find help that helps you.

I don't know what your faith is, but I started listening to sermons online and that helped me immensely. I was able to hear the truth (I am loved by God, my identity isn't in my illness, my worth doesn't come from others) and that was just before the EMDR, and I still listen to them.

You aren't alone. No matter what 'the fog' is telling you right now. Reach out. Bless you.



Thank you for your words,

I am doing my best to stay on track, I just miss my w and s. I am working hard on all of this, but there are a lot of moments lately when I just don't find any of this DBing as a solution, I just want my family back, if DBing means move on, then I should just move on, how can I have a chance to try to have my family back? I have done everything by the book, still I do not see anything, she never calls, not even to ask for a divorce, like I am just dead or never existed.

I am not a person of faith in god, I do respect people that do, but I am not, regardless of the outcome I am still doing everything that i should be doing and more, but still I see no results besides me looking better and being healthy.

krull #2843162 03/24/19 12:41 AM
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It's very hard when you don't see an improvement, I think that's why everyone here encourages us to focus on our own growth/improvement.

I don't think DBing means move on. I read it to be GAL, focus on what you can control - yourself. Be the best you possible. One guy says it best "be a man only a fool would leave". I understand you just want your family back. That is the painful part.

When I am stuck there, I re-read the newcomers links that they put on your first post. Especially the detachment. It's not giving up, it's letting them go on their journey. They must. We can't pull them back. At the same time, you are on your own journey. It's not what you asked for, but you are doing the best you can with your sitch. being more healthy and looking better is amazing, it might not feel like enough right now, but I wish you could be proud of yourself for that. Not everyone looks to make themselves better during this stuff. You made a choice. I hope you can take pride in that.


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
krull #2843920 03/30/19 04:12 PM
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Hi Krull,
I have been at this for almost 18 yrs. and still wondering what happened, but I am not giving up, at my age I really don't want to start over with someone else, if he returns he returns, if not then it's his loss, I love ME! and my life now, it will take a very long time for them to come to their senses, IF they ever do. Best thing for you is keep busy, don't wait for the phone to ring, get out and do things for you, things that you enjoy, I am a woman of faith and my faith has gotten me to where I am now, I'm happy, laughing having fun with my family and friends. You will have to hold on to your boot straps and carry on without her. She really does not even think of you right now, and please take good care of yourself. I don't mean to be a party pooper but I was just like you all those many years ago, it hurts like the devil in your heart, but you will feel and get better with time, it doesn't feel like it right now but I promise that it will. It's just too new for you right now, she has given you the gift of time, use it wisely. God bless you with all of your heat's desire's and may he give you the PEACE that surpasses understanding. take care.


Done 01/2014
krull #2851889 06/06/19 01:05 AM
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Hi everybody,
,
I have been doing things by the book, I even took advice from here and I went on some dates, I did enjoy them and it nice to hear from other women that i am amazing, still I find myself in the most dark places, I have not text or call, basically I am at the darkest I can be, not even social media, I still take meditation classes, I still volunteer at animal shelters, I still run and work out almost every day, my clothes don't fit and had to buy a new ones since the older ones are too big, I run 6k with every other day,I have hobbies and new friends.

Today out of the blue my W texted me only to treat me like garbage, I was polite and short but she would not stop calling me a liar among other things. I know that my story is not as amazing as others here and that is why I don't get replies or words of comfort, but I still hurt and need help.

Is anybody there??

Please.

krull #2851897 06/06/19 04:02 AM
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Krull,

We are here.

What would help you to receive more comments is updating your thread more and leaving more details and specifics about your sitch.

From what you have provided, seems to me you are doing great at GAL. Keep up the hard work and continue to detach. Continue working on yourself.

Now as for as your W, if she calls you again and accuses you of lying, don't accept that treatment. Kindly inform her that you won't continue to allow her to speak to you like that and if it continues you will have to hang up. And if she continues, hang the phone up! Don't make statements that you aren't willing to back up.

It's time to be strong and confident. Keep moving forward and provide us details.


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
krull #2851910 06/06/19 10:07 AM
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Originally Posted by krull
Hi everybody,
,
I have been doing things by the book, I even took advice from here and I went on some dates, I did enjoy them and it nice to hear from other women that i am amazing, still I find myself in the most dark places, I have not text or call, basically I am at the darkest I can be, not even social media, I still take meditation classes, I still volunteer at animal shelters, I still run and work out almost every day, my clothes don't fit and had to buy a new ones since the older ones are too big, I run 6k with every other day,I have hobbies and new friends.

Today out of the blue my W texted me only to treat me like garbage, I was polite and short but she would not stop calling me a liar among other things. I know that my story is not as amazing as others here and that is why I don't get replies or words of comfort, but I still hurt and need help.

Is anybody there??

Please.


I just went back and read your entire thread. You've gotten amazing responses, then didn't pay for over 2 months. Why do you say you don't get replies?


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
joejoe1 #2852182 06/08/19 12:03 AM
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Originally Posted by joejoe1
Krull,

We are here.

What would help you to receive more comments is updating your thread more and leaving more details and specifics about your sitch.

From what you have provided, seems to me you are doing great at GAL. Keep up the hard work and continue to detach. Continue working on yourself.

Now as for as your W, if she calls you again and accuses you of lying, don't accept that treatment. Kindly inform her that you won't continue to allow her to speak to you like that and if it continues you will have to hang up. And if she continues, hang the phone up! Don't make statements that you aren't willing to back up.

It's time to be strong and confident. Keep moving forward and provide us details.



I did not make any statements, she called me out of the blue after 5 months, I have been dark, not even social media, W just started saying that she is in debt and broke, from there she went on saying all this stuff and and accusing me of things, I was calm and even validating but she would not stop, I said I am at work and can,t really talk right now, from there she just texted me a whole novella saying that she owes me a lot of money but she is not going to pay me, her excuse, well, you got miles on you card and you can travel, I wanted to say something but I did not.

Last edited by krull; 06/08/19 12:04 AM.
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