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Jim,

That makes complete sense to take a break. That seems like the best decision to avoid hurting anyone (or getting yourself further hurt). If someone loves you they'll be willing to give you space. I'm sure about that. I'd love to see you and your wife re-unite. It seemed like you and your wife still managed to have enjoyable times even during the divorce process. If it works you could just delete the past two years from your memory although your wife will inherit the new-and-improved Jim. You deserve the new-and-improved wife too so it's good you're using caution!

Last edited by Cadet; 08/05/19 08:20 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
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Something my therapist said a few weeks ago kept resonating with me..... "Now that your W has opened the door to R, can you move forward in your relationship with GF, and not keep looking back, wondering, "what if I had tried again with W"", and "if the answer is no, is that fair to your GF?" After a lot of thought, the answer to both questions is no, I can't keep from wondering what if, and no, it wouldn't be fair to GF, so at the beginning of the week I talked to GF and told her I was going to continue talking to W. She was obviously very upset, and kept reminding me that I was making a choice to return to W, rather than move forward with GF. It was a very emotional goodbye for both of us.

The next day I sat down with W again. We talked a little about how the relationship would be different, and how I failed to meet her needs, but I understood my failure and was resolved to improve, and how she failed to meet my needs in the relationship but still didn't really know what my needs are. We made some small talk and tried to enjoy each other's company, but the easy banter wasn't really there. I started to wonder "OMG what have I done?" and "Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it." In the end, I figured it would take a little while to relax. We discussed just going to a movie next week, and she said, kind of excitedly, "oh, like a date?"

The next day I saw my therapist, who surprised me by suggesting that we not focus on my needs, and just enjoy each other's company. She believes my needs will be met in the course of developing a normal relationship, and focusing on them makes me needy. That was an issue of mine in our marriage, and made me less of an alpha. That's something I'm going to have to think about.

That afternoon S19 flew in for the weekend. I picked him up, and we decided we'd go out for dinner with D17. I invited W along, and she joined us. It was nice, but not really warm, and conversation between us was still a bit strained. i guess I just don't know if the magic is gone, or it will just require some time and effort.


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
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Please start a new thread and link them together.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

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