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FaceMan Offline OP
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Time to start a new thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2798802&page=1

Been away for a while - trying to grow stronger.

Wife is moving out within a few weeks; usual MLC behaviour and mixed messages. Chatting away like a happily married couple one minute and doing the 'separation' paperwork the next.

Apparently living with me is unbearable but then she is never here; working or out with friends or avoiding me in other parts of the house. I don't know what is unbearable. I'm just me.

Leaving and moving out will make her happy. She never looks happy....thoroughly miserable in fact. I barely see her these days; I'm not sure how she apportions her unhappiness to me or what she is going to do when she is living alone to actually make herself happy; she is in deep emotional turmoil and nothing I say or do to her makes the slightest difference. Equally, nothing I don't do doesn't make a difference either.

I have one lost, confused, unhappy, miserable, mixed up, self indulgent MLCer who doesn't know what she wants and is doing nothing to help herself.

Not initiating contact, concentrating on my kids and doing things for me. I do miss my wife very much; I wish I could help her but I know I cant.

Life is tough. I want my wife back as I once knew her and my family together.

Joined: Nov 2016
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Faceman

Nice to hear from you

You are not sure why she blames you

Think you are seeing what it took me a long time to see

It is not about you

That is why what you do or do not do makes no difference

My favorite line above

I am just me

Yes just be you

The best version of you

Steady and patient

Your w back as you knew her and family back together

I understand missing that

I have learned w may come back

But it will not be the one you knew

That is why they say the old m is dead

Grieve and move on to what is to come

Whatever that may be


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 412
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Hi Faceman

I have been away for a while, and I only read your last post. I'm glad you're Ok. I agree with everything Gordie said.

It's been a very long journey for me and to be honest, it is still tough a lot of times. I still feel lonely, often depressed, and can't help it sometimes to still think about W and what could have been if she hadn't gone through her MLC.

But I'm not here to bring you down. Overall, it does get better with time, but I guess everyone has to go through the grieving process at their own rate. I don't think there is a shortcut. Of course, there are certain tips that help and will make it easier. I haven't read all your posts, but you may want to consider seeing a counselor to help with the process.

What I actually want to say is something that I have started to experience the past few months and that I read a lot about from others. With time, the perspective and thoughts change drastically both for you and for your wife. I still believe that deep down I still love my W, but it's not the same as the first 6 to 12 months after BD. Now, when I think about her or when I look at a picture of her, I feel nothing. I just see a woman that I feel I barely know.

When I think about the possibility of us getting back together one day, I think about it from a more practical way than an emotional one. But I also realize how difficult it would be to reconcile after everything we went through. Will she really be able to commit and put in the effort necessary to rebuild a new marriage? Will she be able to let go of her selfishness and be able to give and love? Will I be able to trust her again and ready to share everything with her?

Overall, I still think it would be great if we could get back together since we have children and we have been together for such a long time. At my age, I have a hard time imagining getting to know someone else. But it's purely a practical matter. I know that I am still able to love her again, but I don't feel that I depend on her anymore.

What I am describing here is something that I wouldn't have understood 6 or 12 months ago.

Like Gordie said, if we get back together, it will be something new I think. I am not the same and she is not the same. This is a very important point to understand. It's difficult to grasp when you're in the first stages, but it is worth thinking about it.

It almost becomes like meeting a new person, and wondering whether you would like to spend the rest of your life with her, without knowing much about her.


Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14
BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017
Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

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