I got home today. My head is still kind of swirling from the drugs they gave me the last few days. That was attempt number 2. I ate 119 oxycodone, just 5mg, I guess since I threw up that I didn't die. I am seeing people, I am ready books about suicide. I don't want my ex back. In fact, I don't think anything can make me normal again. They say time, I don't want to wait the time and plus I think that all the tradgic events have now messes me up from thinking clearly. I wished this was a feel good story and maybe one day it will be. I am not going to do something to myself today-it hurts to attempt. If the cleaning lady didn't find me, I wouldn't be here today. Now, I don't believe that gives me a purpose or mission to complete. All it means is that I was unlucky again. I am in bed reading tonight. We will see where this goes
Seeing people means counseling. I have just lost myself. My mom looked at me today and said"you aren't yourself anymore". I had been getting betted, nothing happened except I woke up one night and couldn't breathe (panic attack) I went ahead a drive to my new friends house the next day on no sleep but I wanted to see her. I had another panic attack there and went to the hospital. They gave me meds and calmed me down but when I left the next day I just decided to get a hotel and be done with it. Sometimes just total darkness is better than any light that might come later. I failed at this game
Did you tell your friend that your tried to kill yourself twice
It is important not to be alone right now
I am praying for you
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Good for you see counselling. I am sure your Mom is happy about that. Does she know?
Originally Posted by Par4me
Sometimes just total darkness is better than any light that might come later. I failed at this game
Par4me, no that is not true. You are a few strokes over par and have lost your ball. So get a new ball and continue - the game is not over.
I hope and have faith that you will find that this game of life uses a different score card than what you are imagining. The score keeping is a bit of a mystery, as long as one keeps playing one can find themselves at par again or even under par.
The light that you will find will far outshine the darkness that tries to enevelop it. I know you cannot see that right now, you are in darkness. Have faith and trust in your fellow man. There is much compassion and help for you, please listen and seek out their help.
I am glad you started a new thread. Post to it and let us know what you are doing. There are many here who care about you.
Find your clubs and come back to the fairway, you’ve been in the rough long enough. This is a long hole - you have lots of time.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I have merged your two threads today. We ask that posters stick to one thread until they have reached the 100 posting/reply limit. You can change your subject line within a thread at any time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
