All of our marriage was a waste of time to her. 10 years just thrown out. It was all bad to her. Nothing good came of it. And she cant open herself up to more of that with me. Its all she sees when she looks at me.
The only time she really loved me was when we were dating.
Our sex life was boring for her and she was never satisfied. She did the things she did with other men, because she just wanted to feel loved.
Hey man. Reading some of your old posts and you seem a lot like me. I’ve only been here like 3 months but that quote right there ^^^ is just donkey garbage. LIES. She’s saying that with the intent to hurt you, not because it’s true. Why hurt you? Probably self-defense. She’s saying that nonsense because she’s trying to convince herself. Not you.
Don’t let it eat at you. And don’t get into any more convos like that. Darkness reigns.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
I had to go through the same stuff. I validated and I just pretended she was a neighbor that was inexplicably dumping her awful day on me in the checout line at the grocery store. You know? Like when you're trying to be polite but also stuck, and you've just got to make it until it's your turn to check out, but you also want to be polite.
The personal attacks are just the typical venomous self-justification things they say. You can always just say "That sounds pretty bad. It must have been hard for you to deal with that." -shrug- And leave the room. I mean, it's quick and easy and it takes no emotions.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
Shrike, first let me say I just saw your post from a while back about the depression and I'm very sorry you are going through that. Almost the exact same thing happened to me a few months after BD. I thought I was doing great and handling things just fine and ready to let my ex go. Then out of nowhere I got slammed with severe depression, anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts. I immediately went to the doc like you did and got on A/D's. It took a couple of weeks for them to fully kick in but when they did I felt pretty much like my old, normal, pre-BD self. I was on them a few months and then weaned off with the help of my doc. It's been many years and I've never had issues again, so hopefully it'll be the same for you.
Regarding this:
Originally Posted by Shrike
Last night she had mentioned she wanted to talk to me and so while she picked up the kids I listened to what she had to say. It did not go as I had hoped. But I suppose as I suspected it would.
Basically more of the same. I think she has a lot of healing to go through as well and just inst there.
She said that she doesn't see herself being happy if she were to come back to me. That what I bring to the table isn't attractive to her. My life and what I bring to a relationship is too much work for her, and not something she wants to be a part of.
She cant forget or forgive me for ''abandoning'' her with our second child.
All of our marriage was a waste of time to her. 10 years just thrown out. It was all bad to her. Nothing good came of it. And she cant open herself up to more of that with me. Its all she sees when she looks at me.
The only time she really loved me was when we were dating.
Our sex life was boring for her and she was never satisfied. She did the things she did with other men, because she just wanted to feel loved.
Oh BLAH BLAH BLAH cry me a damned river. I hope you didn't give that crap one iota of consideration. Like she even needs to say all this garbage again, you've heard it all before, what's the point. Not sure if you've seen Joe2017's recent posts, but his is the most recent example of just how radically a WAS can turn around. If you read his early posts his WAS was telling him she didn't feel safe around him, she felt trapped, he wasn't fulfilling her needs and she had guys in the gym hitting on her, etc. etc. Now? She's humble, apologetic, begging him for another chance. Your W may very well get there eventually too. For now, don't believe anything she says, it's all just spew. Next time she says she wants to have a talk, I would be inclined to say if it's not about the kids you're not interested.
