It has snowed here. The landscape, the yard, ah that MLC grass, is covered in a bright beautiful layer of virgin white. It has temporarily hidden at the undone projects I have still ongoing.
I see youy temporary reprieve this week in similar light. As your covering of snow gives way, your undone projects will show through. Please do not distress.
Your fears, your growing feelings of hatred towards “the friend”, your obsession of how evil he is. All normal, very normal - do not doubt that.
I went on many walks within my trees and gave it to God. His arms surrounded my, lifted me, and strengthened me. I have felt it many times. I know you understand what I am talking about.
Find your tress Gerda. Commune with Him, within His creation.
Walking a path of light is not easy. Falling into a dark pit of sin, that is easy and unfulfilling. Climbing the mountain to light and our attempts at divinity, that is hard - and very rewarding.
That journey, that difficult climb, that is the true reward. Who you become in that process is more important than the destination you are heading towards. Each arduous step up that mountain side should be celebrated within yourself. A lot of people may never fall in to the pit, but also never climb, they just walk a level path. I think your destiny has an upward vector in mind for you.
Walking this path is hard. Protecting you and your kids is hard. Doing what you need to is hard. Learning to forgive “the friend” is hard.
For what it is worth, I learned that I cannot vanquish my inner demons and fears. I can understand them. I can transform them to lesser things, with lesser impact - the demons become a more awareness of one’s self and the fears become mere concerns. They make up who I am, they are part of me. The dark side and the light side. I do not want to excise my demons any more than I would want to give up my love of God.
We need to understand and accept both, and choose which wolf to feed.
I feel for you Gerda.
I hope this has some merit for you, maybe even some inspiration.
Live in the light.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
It's time to start a new thread. Please link your two threads together, if you can. Many thanks!
So glad you had a period of "peace". You and your children needed that little bit of time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
imagining a future that will have a whole sad side, that my H is gone spiritually, physically, romantically, emotionally, but that I can actually have a whole other side that is fun and happy for my kids and which has been totally impossible with him here.
Life is pretty nice when you're not walking on eggshells around a chronically unhappy person.
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I find I am particularly obsessed with the friend, my kids' godfather, who is paying H's legal bills and many of his expenses and brought him on the trip to Europe this week along with a priest friend. I can't stop thinking about how evil that guy is and I find myself hating him all the time
This is projection. You're misdirecting your anger at your husband towards this person because you don't want to direct it at your husband. Your husband is the responsible party, not this guy. Put the anger where it belongs.
(This is similar to obsessing about the OW when it's the husband who broke his vows, not her.)
