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My WW has been the same way. Her eyes also dart around alot when shes talkong i noticed. Definitely guilt and dishonesty kicking in. I would never believe a damn thing she says....and she knows it. Shes told some ridiculous lies durinf our sitch to me and anyone else involved.


Together:20 years
M:3 years
Me:40
WW:40
S15
A suspected:5/17
AC:5/18
BD:8/18
WW in full blown R w/ OM
Still under same roof
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Originally Posted by Twofeet

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So, on the list some of the things are mine, but I don't want them so I tell her she wants this D so she has to sell it.

Why is she responsible for selling your things? If they are your things then YOU either keep them or sell them. There is marital property that has to be divided up, and then there is property that belongs to each of you separate from the M. Marital property is split, personal property is not.


We are a community property state. All personal property purchased during the marriage is owned by both parties.


Well then it's not YOUR property, it's marital property. Marital property is split, personal property is not. The two of you have to resolve how to handle property that neither of you wants. If you don't want to sell it and she doesn't want to sell it then donate it.

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Its not a wash. She has made more than me in our careers her retirement reflects this. Her career is higher paying higher risk while mine has been less paying, but extremely stable even though both require similar levels of education. The lawyers I consulted with said I should split the retirements so we walk away equal. We supported each other in our M and our careers which allowed us to get where we are.


Not necessarily. 401K's are very tricky to determine. If one or both of you already had your 401k before you got married then it's not ALL marital property. So you would have to present to a judge what you think your share of it is (and her share of yours). So you have to determine what amount was in the 401K at the time you got married and then figure the interest accrued from there, and that portion is not marital property. It's kind of a nightmare trying to sort that though, because the interest accrued varies so much from quarter to quarter and it can be difficult to pinpoint how much was in the account at the time of the M. If both of you didn't start your 401k's until you were married then it's easier to determine the split.

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I do stay calm and we are trying to work this out. If I can't stay calm I tell her I need to bow out for a moment or ask if we can talk about whatever the topic is at another time. I think what the disconnect is would be that I am expressing what I feel on the inside to this community. Its not what she is seeing.


OK that sounds fine. It's difficult to sort through everything but important to maintain your composure throughout.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Ok so The morning was good but the evening is turning sour. I am staying upbeat and pleasant, but when she talks to me it is in a mocking or snotty upbeat tone. I'm getting really tired of this sh!t. If it was a man I would confront them and be in their face about it. It's a woman, and my wife who is WW/WAS. Should I just ignore her and go about my business or man up and confront this disrespect?


H(37) W(35)
D8, D5, S3
T20, M13
BD 8/31/18
EA Discovered 9/13/18
Mediation 10/3/18
W files for D 10/12/18
W moves out 11/10/18
EA confirmed 12/25/18
D Final 1/10/19
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 953
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What are your boundaries? Remember boundaries are not about controlling her actions, but putting consequences in place ahead of time. For example if she is mocking or snotty you can simply tell her that you won't converse with her if she continues like that. The key is that you have to follow through, otherwise they are simply empty threats. If she is constantly disrespectful are you in a position to ask her to leave the house?


W 34 Me 42
Married 7 years together 8
0 kids 1 beloved dog
BD 4/6/2018
I moved out 4/7/2018
I moved back in alone 8/05/2018
I file 3/06/2019
D official 5/7/2019
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Posts: 621
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Twofeet Offline OP
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I kicked her out of the MBR for having an EA. I have tried to make her leave the house, but legally I can't make her leave.


H(37) W(35)
D8, D5, S3
T20, M13
BD 8/31/18
EA Discovered 9/13/18
Mediation 10/3/18
W files for D 10/12/18
W moves out 11/10/18
EA confirmed 12/25/18
D Final 1/10/19
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 621
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Twofeet Offline OP
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I carefully confronted her about her attitude she said she was just tired, stressed, frustrated from work, life, etc. I validated her feelings then took the 2 oldest and left the house to run errands. I needed space and she needed space. Came back home and she was nicer by this time and sincerely thanked me for running errands and taking the girls. As I said before she is a rollercoaster.


H(37) W(35)
D8, D5, S3
T20, M13
BD 8/31/18
EA Discovered 9/13/18
Mediation 10/3/18
W files for D 10/12/18
W moves out 11/10/18
EA confirmed 12/25/18
D Final 1/10/19
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 494
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Lol my WW is exactly the same but I bet x10, a real nut job. I used to put up with the abuse but yes boundaries will work. When she gets that way leave the conversation, let her know you won't engage in it anymore. My WW even when intoxicated has changed her tone to keep me engaged.


H-50
W-48
T-19
M -18
S23, S14
BD - 5/9/2018
OM discovered 5/10/2018

In house sep - 8/18/2018
Rope drop 2/15/2019
R'ing since 3/15/2019
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Twofeet Offline OP
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Question for the DB vets.

How much do I tell the W about my GAL? If it's with the kids I obviously have to tell her what's going on and she knows there is always an open invitation to family time on my part. But solo GAL? She obviously wants to know my business and she shares some of hers. Although I believe nothing she says anymore.
What and how much do I share? I also know she could try to use this against me to get really wayward, but I guess apart of DB would be to let it roll off my back until it affects the kids lives.

Remember we both still live in the same house. If we were separated it would be a different story.

Last edited by Twofeet; 09/27/18 09:36 PM.

H(37) W(35)
D8, D5, S3
T20, M13
BD 8/31/18
EA Discovered 9/13/18
Mediation 10/3/18
W files for D 10/12/18
W moves out 11/10/18
EA confirmed 12/25/18
D Final 1/10/19
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 953
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What are you worried that she could use against you?

Obviously you need to be responsible for the kids, but when it is your time to be free and get out of the house you don't owe her any information. Just tell her you are going out. You are getting on with your own life without her. As an added bonus it may create an air of mystery as she wonders what you are doing. She is checked out on the relationship so you don't owe her any more information.


W 34 Me 42
Married 7 years together 8
0 kids 1 beloved dog
BD 4/6/2018
I moved out 4/7/2018
I moved back in alone 8/05/2018
I file 3/06/2019
D official 5/7/2019
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 621
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Twofeet Offline OP
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H(37) W(35)
D8, D5, S3
T20, M13
BD 8/31/18
EA Discovered 9/13/18
Mediation 10/3/18
W files for D 10/12/18
W moves out 11/10/18
EA confirmed 12/25/18
D Final 1/10/19
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