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Rouky #2809767 08/29/18 11:27 PM
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Perhaps the difference between a national geographic posting photos and facebook posting photos is that there must be some sort of editing process hopefully based on a code of ethics of journalism??

Maybe a good way to go aboutbthat is a professional licensing mandate for journalists? Something that differentiates your blogger from someone that went to school for journalism? (Like they do in the medical field). This would also serve the purpose of preventing "fake news sources" and a way to enforce responsible news.


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Rouky #2809904 08/30/18 03:58 PM
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This all gets deeply to a philosophical and perhaps political discussion. It comes down to the US constitution which I happen to take extremely seriously and do not want to see violated let alone changed. It has to do very much with freedom of the press. Do we really want some government body deciding who is a journalist and who is not? How convenient for government to credential those who agree with them and ban those who oppose them. I want LESS government in our lives and not more. Fears like this can drive people to create crazy scary laws that might address the origional fear but cause many unintended bad results. Some states have tried to creat laws on photography but all have been struck down as unconstitutional - thank God. A release for a school,to use a photo is very different than a private person or independent journalist taking pictures for social media. Yes there are downsides or can be but I see the downsides of regulation far worse. If you can see it in public, why not be able to take a picture of it. What's the difference? Someone can see a child enter a school or see he is overweight by simply looking at them. A photo only documents what we see with our eyes.

Anyhow, didn't mean to hijack things here - as a journalist and photographer this is a huge passion area for me. I even have written articles and do seminars to public officials letting them know PHOTOGRAPHY IS NOT A CRIME - the title of my seminar.


DonH
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Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Rouky #2809986 08/30/18 09:06 PM
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As we see, joirnalists do weild a lot of power. I want my doctors and lawyers and accountants to have licenses and to abide by an ethical standard. Why not journalists? Journalists that are held to ethical guidelinea created by a specific practice act. People would still be able to voice their opinions. I can tell people my thoughts on the legal ststem..but it means nothing as i have no license.

Regardless i think that soneone should not be able to legally post picturea of another persons underage children on facebook without permission from the parent. Perhaps it is sonething we can at least negotiate in our divorce decrees.

Sorry rouky. I just realized you dont even live in the states!


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JujuB #2810056 08/31/18 12:08 PM
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Originally Posted by JujuB
As we see, joirnalists do weild a lot of power. I want my doctors and lawyers and accountants to have licenses and to abide by an ethical standard. Why not journalists? Journalists that are held to ethical guidelinea created by a specific practice act. People would still be able to voice their opinions. I can tell people my thoughts on the legal ststem..but it means nothing as i have no license.

Regardless i think that soneone should not be able to legally post picturea of another persons underage children on facebook without permission from the parent. Perhaps it is sonething we can at least negotiate in our divorce decrees.

Sorry rouky. I just realized you dont even live in the states!


I would love that! But I think it would still be negate it because it would receive the consent of at least one parent.

Rouky #2810275 09/02/18 08:27 AM
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No worries Jujub. It is a tough one with the photos as if only one parent gives his/her consent then the photos still can go on social media.

Just venting here. My eldest upset me yesterday when she got back from her holidays with her father. Both kids told me that it was their worst holidays with him. It was their first holidays with their dad and one of his GF (usually they were in contact with OW during his weekend, but never went away for a whole week with OW). Then my elsdest said that she wanted to live with him, all of this because I told her off for misbehaving. She accused me of loving her siblings more. I told her that wasn't the case but that when I say something her sibling listens to me whereas with her I have to repeat myself at least 5 times and she constantly moan. Anyway I rang her dad and she left a crying message as he didn't answer. I texted him (he read the message, no reply). I drove by his house (not in). It is a shame because I had to show her that her dad doesn't give a monkey about her because she was accusing me of untrue things. I didn't bad mouth her dad. I just did all I could for her to get in touch with him and to show that if she wants to speak to him I won't stop her. It's frustrating because they can see that their dad doesn't care that much about them and only use them because OW is really craving to be surrounded by kids. For their first holidays together they went with OW and some of her friends. When we were together he refused to have holidays with friends.
Both my kids were crying because they wanted us to go back together and be a happy family. I told them that it can't be done because I don't trust their dad anymore and that I don't love him. I guess with them going on holidays with OW they realised that this one is going to be there for the long run!

I'm more upset because I'm on my own and I have no family support and brining up two kids isn't easy. I'm upset because he is living a great life (no kids to worry about just him and OW). But the worst is that he hasn't even contacted his daughter when she was crying on the phone to him saying that she misses him. Both my kids told me that they asked their dad to spend some time with him just the 3 of them he says yes but it never happens.
I feel like my kids believe that I am letting them down because I can't seem to make their dad spends more time with them. I keep telling them that I can only tell him how they feel but I cannot force him to do anything. I feel like I am letting them down.
On a funny note ex shows OW all the texts I send him but funny enough not the one when I asked him if OW knows about the several cheating.

Rouky #2810281 09/02/18 01:12 PM
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Sorry rouky.

1. OW wont be there for the long run. Your ex isnt capable of that.

2. Your ex is not a good father. You have the privilege of a life in which you get to be basically the sole' responsible carer for you children. I would never want your ex's life. I would never want OWs life. Yours is more rewarding.

3. I think kids sometimes act out more for the parent that is there. Its because they know they can and i believe They are testing the parent that is there for them... you. They want to make sure that no matter how tough their behavior is. How much they act out that you will never leave or abandon them. I think they just need tons and tons of reassurance and love. These kids left by a parent or with a parent that does bare minimum or is just doing lip service to avoid dead beat dad title need so much from the other parent. Its such a challenge.


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Rouky #2810506 09/04/18 02:49 PM
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Rouky.....

I can sit here and say my ex is living the great life. He only has out daughter every other weekend and one night a week, and non of the real responsibility of being a parent, because I take care of all of that. I asked him to do one thing and he messed it up. He and his OWW pretty much have all the freedom, 2 incomes for less money in bill, ect.

However, I don't want that life. I don't want to see my child that little. I LIKE being a mom and doing the mom stuff. If I wanted a responsibility free life, I wouldn't have had a child.

Sure, I get stressed as heck. My daughter looks to me to take care of everything, I work full time, I am buying a house and I have no real family support either. I know it is hard Momma! But at the end of the day, I don't think you want to be him. His life isn't all that great.

Hand in there, you are doing a kick a$$ job, and you will reap the reward, I promise you.

Rouky #2813573 09/20/18 08:43 PM
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Thank you Ginger for your kind words. Been back at work and it's a bit hectic. Ex has officially moved in with GF. Kids haven't been staying at their dad's house for a month now. Now him and GF have a dog. It's funny how history repeats itself for him. It's the same pattern as with me and it's what he had planned to do with OW 2 (didn't get the chance to get a dog).

In a way I'm glad that he has settled down as it will provide stability to my kids. I'm no longer raw. Still get that sharp blade going into my heart when kids come back saying that they have done things with him and her (they are the things I have always wanting us to do as a family). I guess GF has a good influence on him. He has even given up playing his favorite sports for her whereas he has always blamed me when I asked him to stop (not completely but away matches) when I just had a new born. Oh well I hope he has found the One for him.

As for me I have started to dip in the online dating world. Wow that is scary. It seems that I only attract the strange ones😂.

Has everyone felt like this: I would like to be with someone but on the other hand I have a good life on my own and I am not prepared to be hurt again. Very contradictory feelings for me.

Last edited by job; 09/21/18 11:54 AM. Reason: added spaces between paragraphs
Rouky #2813730 09/21/18 07:28 PM
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Yes, getting involved in a relationship does mean you can be vulnerable to being hurt again. But for me, after my divorce, I felt like the worst had already happened. My husband of 24 years had left and I had survived it, so I wasn't scared at all of losing a dating relationship. What was 6 months or a year of dating compared to a lifetime marriage? Small potatoes! I felt (and feel) almost invincible because of that. And truthfully, though many things have happened in my dating life, I find I'm much less attached to the outcomes and just enjoying the present mostly. Even the prospect that CMM may die of his cancer (50% chance of surviving 19 months roughly), while tragic, doesn't make me scared for ME. Just makes me want to enjoy the love we have right now. I know I will survive no matter what happens.

Rouky #2813803 09/22/18 02:27 PM
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A coworker told me, "you never really love the same 2nd go around" . Do you guys feel this is true? Then again, many of our walkwawys find some sort of love that is strong enough to get them to leave their families.

I hope someone can reword what i am trying to say but here goes..

There is something very very different dating this time around. You have this advantage of wisdom and independence..to the point that i wish i could go back 20 years ago knowing what i know now ( i wish i could do the same with high school) but the disadvantage of aging. It is different because most of us are seeking people to end our lives with, not start them. Or some of us are just seeking people to spend saturday night with, go out to dinner with, take to a couples event and then independently go back to the routine of our own lives. Keeping the true grit that comes with marriage or relationships at arms length.

When you dont have children together, it kind of feels like a "whats in it for me". Or, "am i at risk. Am i gonna get conned" It feels less collaborative. . For me, there is less optimism. Which doesnt feel as good. With my ex, i never ever thought it could end. For me, it would have been like murdering a family member. With new people, i know i can end it in a heart beat if there is nothing in it for me.

Like kml said, i dont care much about outcomes. I dont feel hugely attached to a partner. Not like i did with my ex. It kind of gives you a power in a relationship. But maybe less attachment.

And that grit. That reality that comes with long term committment? I think thats necessary for real love. But harder to electively sign up for 2nd time around.

The other part is vulnerability. Thats another thing thats necessary for real love. But who wants to sign up for that again?

So relationships require grit and vulnerability.

Cancer patients tell you how much harder it is to undergo treatment 2nd time around. After a relapse. Its because they know what they are getting into. 2nd time around their eyes are open to knowing the full extent of suffering that they endure.


M: 42
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Twins age 5
WAH in summer
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