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Clipped from Sandi's Rules.

12. Act "as if" you are moving on with your life with or without them and that you are going to be okay. Keep a good attitude.

13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive at all times! In other words, be the best you can be and look the best you can look at all times. Even when wearing jeans and T-shirt, wear good cologne, b/c it does cause the spouse to take notice.


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
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2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
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Originally Posted By: Bewas
Well I'm now almost positive of at least an EA with my W. She's as of last weekend or earlier now using a shape pin on her phone even though she had none before. She had swore in the past that she didn't have anything to hide. I however, didn't realize that I had access to her photo galleries through my google photo accounts. I got a prompt on my phone to look at "today's photo animation". I clicked on it and it took me to animation of her posing on her brand new truck in provocative positions. That wasn't necessarily the problem though. I clicked on the photo tab and was absolutely disgusted with what I saw.

As I scrolled through the photos, I began to see multiple times of her posting in extremely skimpy lengerie and completely nude photos. The times just after these photos were taken, she was on snapchat a minute or so after taking the photo according to my google activity timeline. Why else would she be on snapchat nude other than to snap them to someone?

I feel I need to confront her about it. She needs to know that I know. Especially as she is obviously hiding it from me and doesn't want me to know. I know a few of you on here have said that they need to be made aware that you know asap.

How should I handle this? I don't want this to get any worse. I mean at least this way, even if she does continue, she'll know that I know. She thinks she's been awfully careful. She's obviously hiding it for a reason even though we are separated though still living together.

Help!


Just another bump on this. Can anyone else weigh in on what I should do?


W 31(WW) Me 32
Married 7 years together 12
1 kid - 1.5 yr old S
BD 23/05/2018
Separated since BD
I moved out 20/06/2018 for my own sanity
OM or just fling? Not sure...
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Originally Posted By: sandi2
I go back to what I have originally said. You are already separated, so what benefit is there in confronting her about photos, snap chat, etc.? If she says it is none of your business, then what is your next step?


Well, at this point I have to move on. I kind of just want to let her know that I know what she's been doing even though she swore up and down she wasn't. At least she would know I caught her in a lie. She has obviously been hiding it from me for a reason. So my next step is to actually just move on I guess regardless. Thoughts?


W 31(WW) Me 32
Married 7 years together 12
1 kid - 1.5 yr old S
BD 23/05/2018
Separated since BD
I moved out 20/06/2018 for my own sanity
OM or just fling? Not sure...
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Bewas,

Rather than wait for instruction, did you look at the self reflection post i did?

Secondly, people have replied to that.
What about what Sandi just said?

You need to do work on your end, you cant just blindly ask for and follow direction here. This is a place for advice, but you must ultimately do the work and make the decisions.

Take some time, Center yourself. you are spinning out.
Answers will come to you.

Your WW left, she is separated, Sandi brings up an interesting point about not confronting her about this,
Follow the 37 rules, detach, go dark, GAL.
these rules are what they are for a reason.


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
-----------------------------------------------------
2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
Joined: Jun 2018
Posts: 137
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Originally Posted By: OrangeK
Clipped from Sandi's Rules.

12. Act "as if" you are moving on with your life with or without them and that you are going to be okay. Keep a good attitude.

13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive at all times! In other words, be the best you can be and look the best you can look at all times. Even when wearing jeans and T-shirt, wear good cologne, b/c it does cause the spouse to take notice.


I've definitely been following the looking the best I can. I look the best I've probably ever looked. Exercise and eating really good have helped immensely.

My plan was to just basically confront her about the fact I know. That until this point I actually thought the woman I married was still there but now I know she isn't. Then basically tell her I'm done dealing with her apart from separation stuff and or child stuff and I'm moving on regardless of what she does.

I'm not going to be around much anyways as I'll be living somewhere else during the week moving forward. Whether she moves out or not.

Last edited by Cadet; 06/22/18 03:24 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message

W 31(WW) Me 32
Married 7 years together 12
1 kid - 1.5 yr old S
BD 23/05/2018
Separated since BD
I moved out 20/06/2018 for my own sanity
OM or just fling? Not sure...
Joined: Feb 2018
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Bewas, I am a confronting fan myself. I confronted in my sitch. My only advice is that you NEVER let her know how you know. Just that you know.

WWs are notorious for going deeper undercover when you confront and especially if you reveal how you know. That was my mistake, and she slowly shut down any access I had. So if you confront DO NOT TELL HER HOW YOU KNOW.

Also you are at 11 pages, time to start a new thread.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
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Originally Posted By: OrangeK
Bewas,

Rather than wait for instruction, did you look at the self reflection post i did?

Secondly, people have replied to that.
What about what Sandi just said?

You need to do work on your end, you cant just blindly ask for and follow direction here. This is a place for advice, but you must ultimately do the work and make the decisions.

Take some time, Center yourself. you are spinning out.
Answers will come to you.

Your WW left, she is separated, Sandi brings up an interesting point about not confronting her about this,
Follow the 37 rules, detach, go dark, GAL.
these rules are what they are for a reason.



I realize it seems like I'm asking for a step by step instruction on how to handle this but it was just above in seeking. I appreciate every bit of it.

I know I need to work on myself and I have been. I've actually been pretty good at the rules lately. I just know that a few posters in my thread have told me they are huge proponents of confronting affairs as soon as you know. Seperated or not, we are only a month in to this and still married. I still consider it cheating. I know it won't stop anything but at least she would know that I'm done with her myself moving forward regardless of what she does. Maybe she would realize she isn't as smart as she thinks she is. Don't really plan on doing anything after this other than gal and moving on. It's all I can do.


W 31(WW) Me 32
Married 7 years together 12
1 kid - 1.5 yr old S
BD 23/05/2018
Separated since BD
I moved out 20/06/2018 for my own sanity
OM or just fling? Not sure...
Joined: Nov 2009
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