Yes, the divorce will very possibly go through. Maybe even very likely. But that's the thing, divorce doesn't mean that you won't ever be able reconcile. It doesn't mean the "end" necessarily of anything but the MR as it was. Without kids, there is no reason for you to need to ever see each other; but again, it doesn't mean that all hope is lost forever. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. The hope part is up to you. Post-divorce reconciliations DO happen.
Your W initiated and moved through this whole process really ridiculously fast, in my opinion. Who knows how she'll feel about all of this a few months or a year or two from now? Maybe she'll reach out to you, maybe she won't. But you can't really be the one to reach out to her. You still need to make yourself the best Cory09 that you can possibly be, regardless of ANYTHING else. You can hold onto hope as long as you want to, while still moving forward with the rest of your life. She'll find her way back into it or not. You may find something amazing that isn't her when you're emotionally ready - you never know. Maybe you'll surprise yourself and if she does come back one day YOU won't want to reconcile anymore.
I feel really terrible for you, Cory. I can only imagine having to be put through the pain you've been dealing with and barely any time to even fully process things. It really is terrible and I wish you the best of luck and can only suggest that you continue to take advantage of the support of this forum and possibly try and find some kind of group support in the real world, too. You will be okay, no matter how much it will feel like you won't sometimes.
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
I really would have liked to have an adult conversation with her about what went wrong in our M so I could at least have a focus of what to work on for future R but she never took me up on my offer for this discussion and instead has just ran away and cut herself off from everything we shared the last 12 years...
I think you may be seeking closure from her. I don't think she will give it by means of an adult conversation. Therefore, you must seek closure within yourself. Don't depend upon her to do it.
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I know the self-improvement is for me and me alone and not to win back my wife but I'm struggling to picture how this doesn't end with us being apart..
Any thoughts on how I can retain even the smallest sliver of hope for the two of us finding a way to come out of this on the other side together? Thank-you
Here I go again, giving you my honest opinion.....and you may not want to hear it. I think it is highly unlikely she'll stop the D. She needs time and space to figure herself out, work through her childhood issues, and decide what she really wants and what really makes her happy. So, you may be looking at least a couple of years, maybe longer. If she decides she wants to find you.....I'll bet she can. In the meantime, you will be a free man. How will you live your life? Will you watch your phone everyday to see if she has texted? Will you check out FB? Call old friends to hear what's going on? I hope you can grieve over the loss and then let it go and move forward living your life without watching your phone.
Yes, the improvements are for you. Unfortunately, you still want her to see them. But one day you will decide you deserve the improvements for yourself, b/c that's the type of man you want to be. One day you will stop making everything about her.
She may look you up one day just to chat. She may find someone else. It happens. Some D couples do get back together and get M again. Whatever happens, your life will go on. I hope you will learn that your happiness comes from within yourself, not some other person or a relationship. (((hugs)))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
