Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 11 of 11 1 2 9 10 11
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
mac your story has a lot of holes. this doesn't add up. are there any important details you're leaving out?


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 386
B
blakmac Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 386
I'm not sure where the holes are, but if you would like to point them out, I'll be glad to fill in any details I may have overlooked when typing it up.

Joined: May 2018
Posts: 386
B
blakmac Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 386
Basically, sometimes I don't type things out in an order that makes sense to everybody, but these are actually all of the important details. But still, I'd be glad to answer questions.

Joined: May 2018
Posts: 386
B
blakmac Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 386
Okay, now that I've had time to calm down a bit, let me try to go over what happened in a more sane order, just to clear things up.

First, understand that other than W asking me to take S to his appointment Wednesday, and relaying the information about his new appointment, we have had no contact. Later that evening, she texted me stating that she will take him to the appointment herself, and asking if I will respect her wishes and stay home that day.

I did not respond.

Thursday morning, I received a text from W stating that she does not want me to contact her in any way. Around the same time, she picked up S from the sitter. I was home, but I didn't know she had done this because I was busy doing stuff around the house indoors.

Later that afternoon (before I knew she had picked S up), I went downtown to the DC's office to try to find out how to submit an FOIA request for records on her cop friend, because I believe he may have used his work access to try to dig up information on me, spy on my social media, etc. Why? Because ALL of them have been blocked from my social media accounts, and I felt like somehow things were still being leaked to her. Not that I was posting anything crazy, but still...just a hunch. And I've worked in IT, so I know it's completely possible.

The lady at the DC's office called the constables office. I had explained what I was there and why I wanted to do that, but she misunderstood (probably wasn't listening very closely). She told the person over the phone "we have a customer that wants to file a complaint, he says his wife is having an affair with an officer..." so I immediately spoke up and said "no...not an affair, they are just friends". She did NOT relay that over the phone though, so the constable's office only got one side. They gave me the information I needed, and I left.

I sat in my car in a parking lot downtown for a while, because I didn't want to be at my place when W picked up S, because I am trying to stay away from her and give her space.

About 5:30 pm, I called the sitter to ask if S had been picked up, because I wanted to make sure the coast was clear to go home. She then told me that he had been picked up early that morning, and for some reason W was panicking.

The panicked picking up of S happened BEFORE I even went to the DC's office, so those things aren't related.

Friday morning, two constables went to W's apartment to find out who I was, and make sure I wasn't a threat (which is strange, because I clearly wasn't doing anything sketchy, just trying to figure out how to protect myself in a legal manner). She talked to them, they recommended that she get a CTW against me so that there's a layer of protection, just in case. I know she told them that I was not violent, so that didn't seem to make sense, but I guess that was logical to the constables and to her.

I didn't know they went to her first.

Then they came to my house, issued the CTW. My landlord (who has known W longer than I have) came down when she saw the constables at my apartment. I explained the entire situation to them, and how it was a misunderstanding between the DC's office and their office, and they explained that they wanted to investigate to make sure I wasn't any kind of danger to anyone...which W had already told them that I was not (even though she's told family and friends that she thought I was for some unknown reason).

I explained to the constables that the CTW was actually going to violate my parental access rights, and they understood, and advised that I get an attorney. I signed the warning, got my copy, and started wondering how this happened.

I had assumed she was told by her friend who is a peace officer to do this, because they've been pushing for her to leave me for a long time. Apparently, that wasn't the case. BUT, she did listen to bad advice from the constables who weren't aware of the standing court orders in place from the time she filed the divorce stating that you can't prevent access to children if there are no orders in place preventing that access.

I still don't know what caused her to pick up S from the sitter and I don't know what the panic is all about. But at least I know that the CTW was ill-informed advice that she chose to follow, and now there's a mess.


I honestly don't know anything else about the situation...that's all I have, but I hope that this makes a bit more sense. I was pretty upset the last couple of days when I wrote this originally, because it felt like W and her friends were trying to find ways to trap me. I still think that they are. But I hope this makes it a bit clearer as to what went on.

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
Ok yes this was more coherent. Mac get a L that's all you can do at this point. I assume the CTW states that you can't contact her.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 386
B
blakmac Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 386
The CTW only says that I can't go on the property.

The "contact" part is from a text she sent me requesting that I do not contact her in any way. I showed that text to the constable and asked if this was sufficient notice where if I DID contact her if she could take action, he said that it was. That would constitute "unwanted contact".

I'm definitely going to get a L.

What I've learned is that the DB information, and all of the advice I've received here is correct: I can't trust a WW, because they are acting purely on emotion with no logic or reason.

I know that's going to make it hard for me emotionally, because I will be restricted most likely from seeing S.

But I also know that in a legal sense, it works out in my favor providing that I don't violate the CTW (believe me, I won't because I've been staying away from her anyway), and that I don't give her reason to do more things. I plan to not contact her at all for any reason in any way. If she contacts me, I'll make a non-emergency call to the PD just to document that she has asked me to not contact her, and now she's trying to contact me...just to cover my a$$.

As for the cop friend, once I have the L, I still plan to pursue the information request and press criminal charges if need be. That's a separate fight from the D, and I'm well within my rights to do so.

In the meantime, the ball is no longer in anyone's court. We're now playing in separate courts...for her, the D. For me, the legal realm where I have to keep myself from getting screwed over.

I'm well aware that this is "over" as long as she continues down this path. That's her choice. I hope she eventually figures out that emotional reactions will cause more harm than good, and that these steps actually don't hurt me in the D as much as she thinks it does...it hurts her.

Still going to do no contact, GAL, etc. Just because I know those things are good for me.

As a side note...just to vent...I really do hope she's okay. I know I have to keep pushing ahead, and I know that I have to stand my ground and defend myself legally. But the part of me that still cares about her really worries about her mental health, and I hope she figures herself out before it's too late. I know she's not emotionally stable right now, but I've done all I can do (giving her space, not pressuring her, etc.). The rest is up to her, and I sincerely hope she comes out of this okay. Because in court, I can't afford to NOT fight hard at this point...and I know that's going to hurt her...and I really, really don't want to be in this position...but she kind of put us here. But she's still my S's mother, and I still care about her. Even though right now, I have to set that to the side. Venting over.

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
bm my only advice is to be careful how far you are willing to go in court if you hedge any desire to enter reconcile again. IE don't burn bridges. I know you don't want to get "screwed". By when i comes out of this fog, and likely she will at some point, she will be more likely to want to R if you were gracious throughout the legal proceedings. Think about what will make a bigger impression.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 386
B
blakmac Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 386
I am definitely taking that into consideration. I don't want to have to go for custody. I know that would hurt her terribly. But I also know she's making decisions and taking actions that really would lead the court to question whether or not she's capable of making good choices. That worries me for the health and wellbeing of S.

I don't think she's a bad person at heart. I don't think she's a horrible mother. But I do know that she's irrational, illogical, and has made some seriously questionable decisions, some of which may seem minor, but could actually affect S.

As a parent, what do you do? The answer is protect S. But how do you do that without causing more emotional trauma to either?

This is a very hard place to be. I hope that she decides this is a bad idea on her own, because I really can't decide that for her.

I just hope. That's all I can do. Hope and prepare for a war and pray it doesn't come to it.


http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2798818#Post2798818

Last edited by Cadet; 06/30/18 09:47 PM. Reason: Link
Page 11 of 11 1 2 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard