I dont know why. But after the divorce went through the most important thing in my mind to getting back to normal, was to find a partner.
I didnt recognize it as a loss or death, because he elected to leave me. I had no choice. I might as well be happy. I wanted/want a family unit and this is what was needed. To find someone that wants one as well. Logical?
My ex's mother used to do it alone with my ex when he was a child. (I didnt know the reasons why til later. Ex's dad left for a few years but in addition always just did his own thing) she used to take him on vacation by herself. Was his cubscout den leader all by herself etc.
I used to think, "what a horrible life. How lonely. I would never want a husband like that. Thank god ex is not like that"
Her life was like the worst fate in my eyes. To not have a partner.
Well, i have been taking my son away by myself for the past 2 years. Its difficult. In little ways. Like i cant leave him in the hotel roon if i forget something in the car. He has to come with me. Or i have no one to navigate. He still has to use the ladies room. We end up arguing like a married couple...(which i have seen in other single parent dynamics and i dont like that)
But its also really nice to not have to consider another persons needs and issues when traveling.
Although ideally, its 2 people traveling with the intention of witnessing the excitement of your child exploring new activities.
For me, i was able to do it as one and it was just super nice to have my little travel companion.
Very different from my child hood though and from the childhood i had thought i would be able to offer my son.
So, i have been having a lot deeper and more frequent depressions. Its probably hormonal. Im not exercising like i used to. So thats part of it.. I cant get organized. I dont have my own space and that is deeply depressing. I just hate people that have the things i dont.. Not all people. Just the people that seem to have things come so easily. .
I thought things would have been better once everything was settled. I dont see a way into a stable financial future, which scares me. Im not sure i want to be in a relationship anymore which is making me feel unconfortable.
People are horrible. I am constantly listening to people make comments regarding my son. On line at the amusement park, my son was getting nuttier then the other kids and the people behind me were talking about what they would do if they have kids etc. So i called them out and said thats easy to say, but you dont pick yoir kids or the conditions they are born with. No matter what kind of consequences are implemented etc... (my son is adhd and not on meds for summer...and meds wear off anyway)
Then again today at the sprinkle park. My son was actually not really doing anything that bad. And im the first to correct it. But these really snobby and obviously wealthy helicoptering moms complained about me to each other. Cause i didnt keep interrupting the kids to ensure that they take turns. Like sometines you have to just let them play. As long as they are not hitting or bullying. I think they were upset cause my son kept running to the water guns first to squirt their kids. And then their kids were complaining its not fair. But their kids were also squirting with the water guns. They were just getting upset cause my son was faster. I almost called the group of mons a bunch of cows. But held back
I realized how much i hate dealing with other people. Their boundaries, their rules are different from mine and i cant stand having to deal. Especially where i live. These women focus on presentation and i have more of the dad personality. We had a play date where the kids were playing with water and the mom started freaking out cause it got on her cement OUTSIDE floor and a little into her cement garage that she just had landscaping clean.
And heres what annoys me. These cows. These women with uptight and nagging personalities all have homes and nice cars and husbands paying for it. Im guessing their husbands pay cause none of them have serious careers. I just hate where i live. And i am mad at myself for never being able to negotiate situations like that for myself. I end up being too nice with men.
Why not change where you live then? If you don't like the uptight soccer moms (or society moms?) you're not going to like them any better as your kid grows.
Now of course you can find your tribe anywhere, and maybe you just need to find a way to make friends with more down-to-earth mom's like yourself.
Try your son on phosphatidylserine - one trial showed it worked as well as Ritalin in children and has none of the side effects. There is a prescription form (Vayarin) but may be cheaper as a supplement (I've used the Life Extension product for patients with good results). Summer is a good time to try.
As for focusing on what other people have - you never know what goes on behind doors. Some of those women may not be as lucky as you think. The key to happiness is appreciating what you have. And you are a smart woman - if you want more, you can get it yourself - it may take time and effort but you can. Think outside the box.
Very good point vanilla. I have to reflect on that a bit. It would mean being happy with what im given. Thats a hard one for me to be consistent with. .
Kml, by decree i cant move beyond a certain ratio amd not out of my state. The cheaper places in my region have bad school districts and even the chewper places arent that cheap.
Regarding new guy he apologized but things dont feel good for me. He was worried i would simmer, and he is right. The reason i believe is becaause the way he argued, by justifying his rudeness by telling me all the mistskes i was making to aggravate hin deeply triggered the gaslightiing i went through with ex
. NG had a hard tine simply accepting responsibility. I feel that he guised his justifications with "you need to hear my side and feelings too". Only valid point being that i should have spoken out immediatly. I still dont like how he responded to me. I dobt want to be around him anymore and we have plans that include his daughter later.
If you don't want to be around him, don't. It's okay to break up with someone you've been dating - that's why it's called dating, it's just a trial period to see if you are compatible. I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone who picks on me and then can't own it but still tries to blame me for it.
Also - if by any chance you are somewhat ADD like your son (it's missed a lot in girls because they often don't have the hyperactive part) do you really want to be with someone who is bothered by that???
There is no question that i have asked. Just never diagnosed.
New guy was really cautious with me today. But i just notice that when he doesn't know what he's doing, he likes to yell at others and make it out like they are the ones that don't know what they are doing. He has to quickly comment and make remarks and doesn't understand that no one immediately knows where to go...it takes a bit to get oriented. And why comment on any wrong turn. Its just annoying. I don't feel like he wants to grow. Nor does he have self awareness. I am seeing a lot of arrogance.
And he fights and argues over little things that are kind of pointless. His daughter is a teenager with adhd and i just find myself relating to her and siding with her not him.
We are just dating. This stuff is coming out now more and more to me and i am feeling depressed about breaking up with him. I don't think he is cruel or malicious. And i want a reason to stay with him. But i am not accepting this part of him. It is turning me off. I am wanting to just go it alone and not have to deal with anyone.
When i meet people, i am the type that wants them to feel good. I often play myself down to make others feel good. I never feel the need to win the handshake contest. I think with some people that is not a good route to go. I am not liking who i presented to him.
My ex left me. I don't known if he cheated on me. But he was spending 800 a week while we lived in a apt and then with my parents. That is really really really bad. He was lying and deflecting regarding money. He was not being a good partner. I don't know if its because NGs traits are just not looking good to me, but i am really missing my ex. I am wondering if he has regrets. I am wondering if there really is an addiction. If i vilified him. I am thinking a lot about him when i am with ng and comparing and remember my love for the father of my child.
