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Joseph, you are totally experiencing all that is OLD. Why did the hot nurse wait three days and is not engaging? Who in the hell knows? What I do know is this is the rule rather than the exception - at least as far as I experienced it when I did the OLD thing a while back. She may just be busy. Of course she could be pushing herself to do OLD but is really not ready yet. I've read that from people on here many times now - how they give it a try only to figure out they are not ready or whatever. You would think that everyone OLD is really looking to meet someone. Oh, if only...

As for meeting in person, I certainly would not do it after only a few messages but after a week or two, for certain. I would keep it light and easy and just say "ya know, it's so hard to really get a good sense about someone just from messages, at least it is for me. Would you like to just meet for coffee or something sometime this week?" Anyone not willing to do that, who actually claims to have some interest, really does not. I cannot tell you how many times I had people text or email for weeks but never want to meet. Who knows what's going on with them, but they clearly are not at a place ready for real dating. Anyone "spooked" by a request to meet for coffee after a dozen messages over a couple of weeks is not worth any more of your time.

And then, wow, so much easier for me to say than for anyone, including myself, to do, but you really need to RELAX. It's so hard but you are taking all of this way too personally. You have to somehow just develop an attitude of "I'd like to meet someone fun to date but if not, I've got all sorts of other things to do." The harder you try, the worse it will be. Even the thing with one and done with an email. I most certainly would not try 10 more, but I certainly would give the benefit of the doubt at least once. Sometimes people forget, they get busy, think they responded - or actually did but it never went through. No harm in waiting 5 days and saying, "Hey I never heard back from you and...[insert witty comment here] and see if she responds. If not, move on.

If you take it too personally, it really can kill your confidence. Don't let that happen. I really wish OLD was what we all would hope it to be - nice, friendly, normal people in a good place in their life honestly looking to meet people and date. While there are a few people like that, far too many just simply are not and you have to assume that some you are talking to fall in that camp.


DonH
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Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
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Thanks DH.....I appreciate the feedback and advice. I do realize I need to be less concerned over it. I guess I had a bunch of expectations which was probably my first problem smile.

I have a good girlfriend of mine who has been OLD for many years and she told me the same thing. In fact she told me this morning that you have no idea what is going on in people's personal lives.

I don't want it to kill my confidence either and I have to remember to stay true to my internal validation methods.

I appreciate you jumping in. Thanks!


Last edited by Cadet; 06/07/18 01:33 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message

Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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I am an IRL dating person, chatting nonsense to a couple of guys a day. Works for me. And I find OLD very superficial, many guys are M on there or looking for a nurse.

Those OLD people use the supermarket, eat in restaurants and walk dogs. They aren't a special snowflake hanging out in an alternate universe.

You will need a thick skin in OLD and there are scammers. And there are genuine, sadly the stats aren't in men's favour, the ratio is 1 to 7, or even 1 to 23 on free sites. A lot of dead profiles too, women who signed up eons ago and haven't logged in but the bots make it look as if they do.

So my suggestion is look for your cutie IRL as well as on OLD, she is out there waiting for you to talk to her. Just say hi, bad weather, great coffee shop, love your dog and of course the old fashioned do you come here often?

Go have fun with it.

V



http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2795161#Post2795161

Last edited by Cadet; 06/12/18 12:07 AM. Reason: Link

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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