Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 11 of 11 1 2 9 10 11
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
Originally Posted By: OrangeK
Funny you say that Sandi, just in the last 2-3 days i have felt the weight of a lot of this lift from my shoulders.
like a light switch, i suddenly stopped caring if people told me what they saw about her online. I dont care where she goes or what she does anymore. I dont plauge my thoughts and stay up all night wondering on the what ifs anymore.


Originally Posted By: OrangeK

Wow. it still amazes me how quickly the emotions can shift. These completely random waves of anger/jealousy/regret/betrayal and injustice are so difficult to predict and manage.

GAL and NC are REALLY tough when you are, A.) completely unable to have any contact, even if you wanted it and B.) when you got no closure, no explanations, no remorse or regret or even tears from WW. She doesnt even seemingly care how our son is hurting over all of this, and if she does its likely "my fault".

Why do i still love someone i should in all honesty hate after all shes done to me?
The lasting effects of gaslighting and stonewalling are legit.
Emotional Abuse is no fun.

End Rant.


I was going to caution you on the first quote above. It comes and goes. Then I saw your second quote and realized you now know this yourself.

Emotional swings are the norm. Finding ways to deal with them is the key. GAL helps tremendously. But nothing heals like time. You will find that as time goes on the first quote becomes the norm and the second quote becomes fewer and farther between. You just have to be patient, let yourself feel and understand the emotions you are feeling, and then figure out ways to deal with the down times.

Keep your chin up OK, there is light at the end of the tunnel!


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,669
O
OrangeK Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,669
Quote:
Much of her work will be internal, but the results should definitely show overtly. She will not feel the need to change until she is convinced she has been very, very wrong. This condition usually doesn't come until she has suffered the loss of something very valuable to her, or an accumulated loss.


Sandi, this is from a post on Zeus's thread, i found this very interesting.

What type of loss or accumulative loss are you referring to? Examples?

In what ways will these changes show Overtly?

How long after "his work" becomes evident to WW, how long can you expect before you see "Her work"

Again, as always, no expectations on my WW. As you know the situation is pretty messy.....


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
-----------------------------------------------------
2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,669
O
OrangeK Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,669
Steve,

as always thanks for the pick me up!
GAL'ing for me has been getting back into table top gaming with my friends (D*D and MTG for those in the know). Wednesdays are my favorite as it is time for my D&D Campagin tonight.

Getting back involved with the Fire Dept will help a lot too i think.

I really need to just get the "forget about her and let her come to me IF shes going to, if not, EFF IT."
I know its her loss, i know its not my fault.
I just need to keep that in my head.

Workout session when i get home, gaming tonight. New day tomorrow.
I got this.

Ill keep you all posted. Next scheduled meeting / hearing is for the case involving the TRO, that is in 2 weeks from tomorrow. Then a hearing on the D later in May, which may not happen due to hold i filed for, I want her to do some work on this D if she REALLY wants it. Ill find out soon i guess.
God i hate court.


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
-----------------------------------------------------
2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
OK, time to start a new thread. Cadet will be along to tell you that so you might as well do it. smile


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 473
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 473
GAL and NC are REALLY tough when you are, A.) completely unable to have any contact, even if you wanted it and

it should be easier because you have no contact... but i know it doesn't work that way... the mind goes where the mind goes... but GAL and NC can eventually help with the desire to "know" what is going on with her... use GAL to help you steer your mind to more productive thoughts and ideas... until the day comes when you just don't care to know... it's hard... the idea of getting over somebody can be nice when you are in pain over the break-up... on the other hand, it can be scary to know that someday you will likely be over this person, and at the moment, because you love that person so much, you don't ever want to be over that person... ugh!

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
Originally Posted By: artista
GAL and NC are REALLY tough when you are, A.) completely unable to have any contact, even if you wanted it and

it should be easier because you have no contact... but i know it doesn't work that way... the mind goes where the mind goes... but GAL and NC can eventually help with the desire to "know" what is going on with her... use GAL to help you steer your mind to more productive thoughts and ideas... until the day comes when you just don't care to know... it's hard... the idea of getting over somebody can be nice when you are in pain over the break-up... on the other hand, it can be scary to know that someday you will likely be over this person, and at the moment, because you love that person so much, you don't ever want to be over that person... ugh!


Well said. As mentioned in these forums it is a weird dynamic. Because you don't want to lose the person you do all the wrong things by being clingy, and push them away. Then when you finally get over them, you detach emotionally, and that's when they come calling again because once you detach they don't like losing their power. They want to R but by then you are moved on and over it.

Obviously works a bit different when you have kids since you are really never out of each other's lives.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,669
O
OrangeK Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,669


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
-----------------------------------------------------
2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
Page 11 of 11 1 2 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard