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Somethings brewing:

So Friday morning are one of the highest probabilities of getting laid. D15 get a ride to school and W has an extra hour.

Well, nothing going this morning. She seems to be dodging me and that's fine as I told her last time that she refused me that I was leaving the ball in her court. Then suddenly this morning she stops me and says that D15 is spending the night at my sister's house and did I want to go out for dinner. She said it and didn't seem so modestly concerned with where my eyes might travel as she has in the recent past while wearing her PJs. Forgive my salacious description as I felt it pertinent to the story.

I told her that sounded fine.

Now my dilemma.

[list]
[*]Do I read anything into this?
[*]Should I resist the temptation for the good of DBing, either by coming up with last minute reasons that I can't go?
[*]Should I go, but in the event that she tries to initiate. Say that I have been working on some things in myself and that it wouldn.t seem right? (Could I even execute this plan?)

My fear is that we go and I start to read something into it only to be disappointed and therefore angered.

My wish? In addition to wanting to be able to do the work that gets the long-term result of recon, is to understand what is going on in her head. She is not the type to play games, yet a lot of her actions have surprised me in recent times.


M 53 W 54, M since 98
D15, D19
8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM
until 10/14
7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR
12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.

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RR17, couple of observations.

A) you are already reading too much into this so tread lightly. Likely she is going to hedge on her 5/2018 move, and she is going to lay the groundwork for doing that without losing face. That doesn't mean she will give up on her goal or dream or fantasy of moving out. She is starting to show some of the signs my wife did after her get a job, get an apartment, get a D fantasy bubble began to burst. You want to tread lightly here to not push her back into that bubble.

B) You are still thinking you are dealing with her as she used to be: "She is not the type to play games" Yeah, mine wasn't the type to send nude photos to ANYBODY let alone a total stranger over the internet. Our WWs/WAWs are not the women we knew before all of this happened. So yes, keep the chance that she is playing you about something open. It will probably come up shortly after anything that happens with dinner and afterwards.

C) Enjoy tonight if it happens, but DO NOT READ ANYTHING INTO IT. And wait for the other shoe to drop.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Oh, and yes I would go. Nothing wrong with a dinner date. Just try to be detached. Lovingly meaning you are upbeat, positive, responsive, and validating. Pretend you are going to dinner with a stranger. Be friendly but not overly intimate.

What happens after is up to you. If she offers what you think she is going to, and you want to, go for it. Just see C above!

Last edited by Cadet; 05/11/18 01:29 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message

M(53), W(54),D(19)
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Thank Steve. I hate that this seems all about sex. To me, it is more about the meaning behind the actions leading up.

I'm not worried about her moving out threat, dream or whatever it is. I have seen no signs of this.

I might add that she left for work and her bedroom door was left wide open. No, I'm not reading too much into it. But is worthy of taking note of.

I just read
Sandi's post on how she chose to show respect to her H prior to getting the feeling back. Very insightful.

I have seen an increase in a show of respect in the last several months that continued even after pointing it out to W. Again FWIW, not reading too much.

DB tells you to pay attention to changes. Monitor progress and listen to what your W is really saying.
It also says dodn't read too much into what you hear or see. IDK


M 53 W 54, M since 98
D15, D19
8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM
until 10/14
7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR
12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
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On your last point, you've been with this woman a longtime. So likely you can detect when she might not be being honest. I know that my wife has a way of saying no to something when the answer is really yes that reveals that the no is either soft or flat out not a no.

When I noticed she had lost weight last fall I jokingly said, "Are you going to leave me?" She said "No." with the body language that meant, "I am telling you no to save your feelings." Truth is by that point she was already feeling pangs of wanting to leave the marriage. Of course at the time I ignored it. I got the verbal answer I wanted so I buried the body language in the sand. Looking back I could see that her "I am telling you what you want to hear" body language was there. Even worse, the body language was almost like a "No, I wish I could but I don't see a way to leave."

So when we DB well, those that have been with our spouse for over 15, or 20 years can usually tell if their responses are genuine or not. I know earlier in my sitch she answered a lot of questions with the soft answer body language. My wife is a big of a Nice Girl. She will put others feeling and needs ahead of their own especially if she feels they deserve it. So she wants to answer your question in a way to spare your feelings.

From BD until about mid-Feb, there were times when she remembered she didn't think I deserved my feelings and needs to be above her so she was blunt. But there was a a lot of soft answers as she started noticing my changes.


Last edited by Cadet; 05/11/18 05:34 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message

M(53), W(54),D(19)
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