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Wow. Obviously OM is keeping her from hitting rock bottom. He will get tired of feeding her at some point I am sure. Plus she has not way to not get evicted from the apartment at this point. Don't be surprised that in the next couple of months if she doesn't show up talking about R because she has no where else to go.

mtb, you have to be strong.

As far as her breaking a window to get in? Read this:

I wouldn't rule a RO out of the question either.

Last edited by Cadet; 05/03/18 06:32 AM. Reason: links removed

M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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mtb1981 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Steve85
Don't be surprised that in the next couple of months if she doesn't show up talking about R because she has no where else to go.


I've thought about this alot. R is only going to happen if she shows a genuine change and desire to be with me. Not just because she needs a place to stay.


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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I've been thinking a lot lately on what my next step is, and I guess I've got 3 choices...

1) File for D - Just put an end to it all, and try to get custody of the kids because she's not a fit mother right now. Decide on how we will split everything and go on our own ways. I believe that this route would be final, as she tends to hold grudges, and I will always be the bad guy that divorced her and took the kids...

2) File for Legal Separation - Protect myself from any bad financial decisions she makes, and try to get custody of the kids because she's not a fit mother right now. I'm not sure about the law, but it may be possible that going this route, we would not have to determine the splitting of possessions, sell the house, etc. I have a feeling I would still be the bad guy, but this is something that would be easier for her to get over if she did change and R became a possibility in the distant future...

3) Sit back and wait it out - We are already physically separated, and she has everything out of the house that she wants. She has made no effort to spend time with the kids, and I don't know how much that will change, so I basically have custody anyway. It was her idea to split, so she can do all the legwork to make a divorce happen. Which in that case, I am back to #1. With this option, I believe there may be a better chance of R if she does end up making the changes she needs to make in her life, because the D would not be on me...

One thing I know for sure is that I'm going to continue on making the best life for me and my kids. W is no longer a priority...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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mtb, if you think she may make some bad financial choices that you need to insulate yourself from then 1 or 2 are your only options. Talk to a lawyer as the laws vary widely from state-to-state regarding whether you're financially insulated in a legal separation versus D.

If you're right about her holding a grudge over you pushing the D through, then you've got to ask if that is someone you want to be married to anyway. She's the one that BD'd and moved out, but yet she's going to blame YOU for filing for D? I mean that say more about her than you.

You're up to 10 pages so time for a new thread. Post the link to the new one as your last post here and a link to this one as your first post in the new one.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Originally Posted By: Steve85
Wow. Obviously OM is keeping her from hitting rock bottom. He will get tired of feeding her at some point I am sure. Plus she has not way to not get evicted from the apartment at this point. Don't be surprised that in the next couple of months if she doesn't show up talking about R because she has no where else to go.

mtb, you have to be strong.

As far as her breaking a window to get in? Read this:

I wouldn't rule a RO out of the question either.


Sorry!! Forgot. frown My bad.

mtb, look up legal advice related to her break in threat.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 616
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mtb1981 Offline OP
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Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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