25years mlc 10 years pass I FILE #9 LAST LAP

[Maybell]

Sigh.

Never mind.

[Maybell]

But I cannot see how x replaces our kids, though. OW has a d17, is that enough


I m sorry to say it, but no. He doesn t value your children the way you do. How many of the things he did could he have done if he loved them the way you do Could he have avoided your hospital room if he cared about his children No, because he knows they love you. Could he have left for Alaska if he cared about them No, because keeping them stable in their schools and friendships would have been important to him. Could he have had affairs No, because part of how a father takes care of his children (especially his daughters) is by showing them how a woman (their mother) should be treated.

The OW s d17 is an accessory just as your kids are. If she starts showing up in the pics it will be to show the world that OTHER people appreciate him, but that you re a bitter bunny who poisoned his kids against him but he can t be that bad if the OW s D is smiling in pictures with him. Impression management.

I m sorry to be blunt but what the OW is doing to her daughter is just as bad as what your ex has done (is doing) to your kids. I m so proud of your D20, on your behalf.


Super excited for you to be moving forward on the teaching abroad gig I envy you having new learning to take on.

I would not have agreed to the tax thing. Just my two cents. But I hope it resolves successfully.

It makes sense that you would want to be married or committed again. It makes sense married is your default state at this point. I m reading a book about romantic attachment styles and the first point it makes is that ALL HUMANS need a partnership. It s in our genes. But some of us have dysfunctional attachment styles that cause our relationships to short circuit, even when we sincerely love someone. I believe your ex loved you as best as his dysfunctional attachment style would permit, and that my ex did too. I actually think they still do and that s the reason for the crazy behavior. But that doesnt mean it s healthy for us to be attached to people who can t function in a relationship.

I think I m mostly at peace with my divorce (but not 100 percent). I still get mad at Mr. Fantastic for making such destructive choices. I m disgusted with his lazy parenting (if you can even really call it that). He has gone so far downhill since our divorce, in so many stupid ways, that I m kind of grateful to be away from his crazy. But I also feel really sad for the waste of it all, including the waste of so many of his good qualities. The best I can hope is to kind of make up for it with how I manage my life.

I m proud of you for trying to reframe your opportunity to have your grand adventure. I can t wait to hear more about it as you report from overseas (right )

HUGS, 25.

[25yearsmlc]

Maybell

I saw the Grrr! Use a new pc??


So X married OW as of the past 2 days. In Hawaii and with one of our former friends, there.

I had dinner last night with x's bff and his wife, and we shared a lot of laughs and good talks. Knew them our whole marriage and whole dating life. Both married the same year. Both had 3 kids, were in school and the military together...

I got the elephant in the room as I had learned of the marriage an hour before the dinner!
(Geez...)

So I told them "hey, I was wronged and betrayed. Our kids were treated terribly. That is just true.
But I'm not going to spend the rest of my life reviewing my list of grievances. I am to blame for the rest of my life."

Most of the time, I believe ^^^^this. But I have my moments of fury about finances and loss. So we talked about old times and my future plans as they have retired (like X and I COULD HAVE idiot...) and they want to visit me wherever I go. AND I believe them.

Yes it still hurts but not as much as I thought it would.

I suppose there will be times when it gut punches me?? Maybe I'm just numb.

But I actually think x is nutty.

Our kids were not invited and he posted his new profile on FB and THAT is how they learned...lovely. That's not normal, folks.

I mean it when I say, I think x has something wrong with him.

Like he has a real personality disorder. And I don't say this merely b/c he remarried - but because of the total discard of our family and marital history. The obnoxious behavior in the divorce - he STILL tells his bff that he was "volunteering"! His name was on the building!

I wish I had read about Personality Disorders a LONG time ago.

I would have cut him loose so much sooner.


Maybe his new wife can fix him. Maybe NOW he can finally be happy.

His dad is on his 4th marriage and considers himself a good father...and I imagine a good h. There are disturbing similarities and when x's bff pointed that out, x totally missed the reference.

But the way x's family - once MY family, have all treated our kids, the ONLY grandchildren, is abysmal. I cannot change that.

So, back to me.

It's over. It's done. And in a very real way, even though there is pain, I feel freer.

Like there is literally nothing attached to my marriage or x anymore, to confuse or hold me back. I have no choice but to make the best of the time I have left.

The m ended and it's not recoverable and there is no "grand lesson" on x's end, coming.

It is over.

Coincidentally and thankfully, I'm flying out to CA to see my older 2 kids for Mother's Day and am excited. Boy, what perfect timing.

They may be more upset than I am. Seriously, I think b/c I can replace a husband - NOT that I want to, but I can remarry.

They are stuck with this man as their only dad. How appallingly painful for them. And they ARE hurt, no matter what x tells himself or whom he blames (me, probably)


X has done a lot of destruction he will never, ever face. And that is how it is.

Can't let him have any more of our energy. It's cut losses time.

As my late French mother would say, sadly "C'est Fini".


(She'd also dramatically swat the air in reference to OW, and say "She can HAVE HIM!")



Working on channeling my mom more.

[Gordie]

25

You have been on this journey so long

I am glad you feel some closure with his remarriage

Agree it stinks for your kids

But they have one sane parent

And that is enough

[Vanilla]

Normal rules of living don't apply in Alaskan

For sure it's special snowflake land

V

[OwnIt]

Well, that is something you won't have to deal with again. I imagine marriage 3, 4, 5 . . . won't hurt as much to hear about. I know it was hell, but I envy you for being done and for your tenacity in seeing it through to its logical end. I still believe they do us a favor when they are really awful people because it does aid in letting go. Yes, I think you are the ex-wife of a personality disordered husband, and as the current wife of a personality disordered (soon to be ex-) husband, I feel justified in saying that.

[25yearsmlc]

thanks (btw, I started another thread)

There is some value in x being such an a$$ through this, that it IS easier or at least

less confusing than it might have been otherwise.

See my next thread #10

and thank you all. Seriously

[Cadet]

But I cannot see how x replaces our kids, though. OW has a d17, is that enough


I m sorry to say it, but no. He doesn t value your children the way you do. How many of the things he did could he have done if he loved them the way you do Could he have avoided your hospital room if he cared about his children No, because he knows they love you. Could he have left for Alaska if he cared about them No, because keeping them stable in their schools and friendships would have been important to him. Could he have had affairs No, because part of how a father takes care of his children (especially his daughters) is by showing them how a woman (their mother) should be treated.

The OW s d17 is an accessory just as your kids are. If she starts showing up in the pics it will be to show the world that OTHER people appreciate him, but that you re a bitter bunny who poisoned his kids against him but he can t be that bad if the OW s D is smiling in pictures with him. Impression management.

I m sorry to be blunt but what the OW is doing to her daughter is just as bad as what your ex has done (is doing) to your kids. I m so proud of your D20, on your behalf.


Super excited for you to be moving forward on the teaching abroad gig I envy you having new learning to take on.

I would not have agreed to the tax thing. Just my two cents. But I hope it resolves successfully.

It makes sense that you would want to be married or committed again. It makes sense married is your default state at this point. I m reading a book about romantic attachment styles and the first point it makes is that ALL HUMANS need a partnership. It s in our genes. But some of us have dysfunctional attachment styles that cause our relationships to short circuit, even when we sincerely love someone. I believe your ex loved you as best as his dysfunctional attachment style would permit, and that my ex did too. I actually think they still do and that s the reason for the crazy behavior. But that doesnt mean it s healthy for us to be attached to people who can t function in a relationship.

I think I m mostly at peace with my divorce (but not 100 percent). I still get mad at Mr. Fantastic for making such destructive choices. I m disgusted with his lazy parenting (if you can even really call it that). He has gone so far downhill since our divorce, in so many stupid ways, that I m kind of grateful to be away from his crazy. But I also feel really sad for the waste of it all, including the waste of so many of his good qualities. The best I can hope is to kind of make up for it with how I manage my life.

I m proud of you for trying to reframe your opportunity to have your grand adventure. I can t wait to hear more about it as you report from overseas (right )

HUGS, 25.

MAYBELL

If you happen to read here I have restored your post - PLEASE stop using contractions with the associated syymbol it is what is causing your posts to blank out - Thanks - CADET

[Cadet]

New thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2789012#Post2789012