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Work is a nice distraction. I notice that when I'm busy at work I can almost forget about my MR troubles.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Well... I'm feeling good today. Completely relaxed. Slept good.

H came home from work and more than onice I caught him REALLY looking at me. It really made me smile. Small talk. He kept asking me what I'm doing today. Really had no plans other than brief work stint, G store and laundermat. Just chillin.

He notices that I'm changing what I wear (undergarments... lol) and asks why. I just said thanks for noticing" :-)

I was cooking up some syrup that H said he would make for me but he's been busy so I thought I'd tackle it. Well I made a huge mess on the stove... ugh. Got frustrated and said before try I g again I'd have to go to the store for more supplies.

Well while I was gone he cleaned up the mess! If was perfect when I got home. :-)

We then shared some wine that we bought 2 weekends ago. It's weird drinking at 10am on Sunday but it is his evening... lol.

He made the syrup for me!!!

He went to bed. Now I'm cleaning and trying to make an awesome Sunday dinner.

No R talk. Don't even want to R talk. Just happy. I've let a lot of expectations go. NOW, someone talk some sense into me that this means NOTHING in the grand scheme of things.

Thanks Kit

Last edited by Cadet; 03/06/18 03:32 AM. Reason: edit
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KC. I'm in the same boat. Positive responses are almost as difficult as the negative ones!

Last edited by Cadet; 03/04/18 10:57 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message

M(53), W(54),D(19)
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So I've backed off... not as well as I should I am sure but its enough to show things are different I hope.

Well a few days ago I let H know I took a day off because of the gun and knife show if he wanted to go. H said "you want to go?"... I said I was available OR I would just go to a winery or something. My 180's!!! I had a 3 day weekend. I dropped it and never brought it up again.

H let me know that there is plenty of overtime he can get and plans to work at least every other weekend.

I got H up for work last night and said I had to get going. H asked where I just stated laundermat (dryer died... :-(). Didn't wait for response and just left.

I didn't expect to hear from him but H texted from work last night that if I wanted to go to the gun/knife show OR a winery that he would go with me!!!!!!!!

I didn't beg or place pressure. I had never planned to bring it up again. This was all on him. He is wanting to spend time with me. :-)

H came home this morning and he is more loving and affectionate than he has been in months. When I told him I missed getting the recycle out today and I was sorry he said he had forgotten too an it was just as much his fault... WOAH.

This is taking a tiny baby step in the right direction!!!

Last edited by Cadet; 03/06/18 03:38 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
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KC, that is awesome!!! Your excitement over the G&K show or winery almost caused me to get misty eyed.

My only cautions are a) keep 180ing and detaching. The minute you stop he could push away again. b) Don't forget that even if this is for real there will be bad days too.


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Steve - those are excellent points!!!

I know I am NOT out of the woods. While I see improvement he is still cautious. H hasn't talked about R and he certainly isn't saying I love you.

He is making an effort to let me know he wants to do things with me. I will take it slow and steady and not have any expectations.

I will need reminded that their are still bad days ahead but I have this weird layer of calmness about me. I'm not in panic mode anymore. I'm open to a better stronger marriage that will last for years beyond the kids but I also know that while I don't want to be alone I won't die.

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So today was a bit harder.

I'm still in a good place and acting "as if" but H was not where he was yesterday. I know that is to be expected.

Morning was rushed and we were supposed to sit down and discuss finances. We did but it was quick. He is still stressed about how the money goes out but it does every March with HOA yearly fees due and paying taxes. The money has been put back for this but it still drains the checking accts. We still have nearly $20k in emergency funds so we are not destitute.

He acknowledged that we are going go-karting with the kids. And, with 5 of us and lunch its going be a $200 day spending day. Then he acknowledged again that the following weekend going to the gun show and winery. I don't expect to spent more than $75 the entire day.

I like the fact that he is acknowledging.

We also briefly talked about our trip in May and then I had to point out it will require he change weekends with his ex for visitation. I thought that might make him cancel our trip because in the past its a nightmare to get the ex to exchange weekends.

He has been greeting me first with "hello" which is nice. He is coming out the room he is in to seek me out which is also nice.

He has been texting his ex a lot lately (no he does not want to rekindle that). Usually he shares what's going on but he hasn't been. And, its been weird. Today he called me and asked some random question then made a comment he got some nasty text from his ex. I just said oh, and non-nonchalantly asked what it was about. He replied "who do you think it was about?". I said "SS16?". He said yes. I said is everything okay? He said "you know exactly as much as I do". That was so random and vague. I just let it go and said "okay talk to you later".

When I get home after running errand he comes out to chit chat. I brought up what was going on with text's from ex? He looked at me funny and said "oh did I say something about that?" I was like yes, you mentioned some crappy text from her. He just said "oh".

That was just totally weird. I mean who did he think he was calling just an hour ago???

He just seemed off today. I expected that he would have pulled back a little bit. I'm not panicky about it. I'm not spinning my wheels. I just need to get back on the horse and continue to validate, improve my listening skills and keeping pulling away myself.

I have to hang in there....

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Start a new thread - this one is going to lock




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