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Originally Posted By: PEW1974
As much as I tried to deny it, it has been fear of losing my family, losing my wife and losing the life that I had once known. I realize now that I have already lost most of those things and I need to start healing my wounds and building myself a new life.


Exactly. Cadet used to say something like "most LBS's are divorced at BD, they just don't know it yet." That doesn't mean that there's no hope for a future R with their WAS, but just that their marriage as they knew it ended at BD. Rarely do you go back to what you had.

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I explained that while I understand that this will be hard for both of us, it is something that is needed to be done. I also mentioned that once I am set up, I would want 50% custody of our S8 as my D18 is an adult in college and is old enough to make her own decisions as to who she will see in a schedule that works for her. My door for her is always open. She started crying but after the conversation was done I calmly walked away.


Great, you handled that perfectly! I know it's tough, but when you're stuck in a miserable situation at some point you have to do something differently. And you're doing that, so congrats!

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I must admit I am still a little scared but just at the uncertainty of my future at the moment. I also am beginning to find a little excitement in the unknown.


It's human nature to fear the unknown. But I'll share a line from my favorite show "Vikings", when Rollo meets the seer and says he feels like his life is over the Seer starts laughing and says "Oh Rollo, if you knew what the gods have planned for you, you would go down now and dance naked on the beach!"


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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AS, thank you for those words. It is overwhelming but as I look passed the fear and anxiousness, I can see that this is the right thing to do for me. I just want my S8 to remain the happy and sweet little boy that he is. I am so concerned and sad for how he will handle this that it constantly brings me to tears.

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P,
Yes us LBS we live in a fantasy world that our W/H will snap out of it, now that I look back my W been a war with herself before bd it was like getting the rug pull off me because I at the moment didn't see it. But when I go back through our text,e-mails or pictures I see W was gone but holding on I mean literally 3 weeks even the bd came W said let's adopt another baby or let's try to have one. And we where looking to build a New home. I honestly think that our spouses are fighting hard before bd.

I also won't sugar coat your child has a long road. I have 3 beautiful kids we adopted my s9 and d9 took it hard emotions everywhere, they even beg there mom in there knees please give my other mom a chance please don't break our family W no emotions it was crazy seeing my kids this way. S8 was more quite reserved at first I thought myself HAPPY but what happen is reality didn't kick in for him till 6 to 7 months later tears flowing, not sleeping,wetting the bed, bad behavior in school my s8 was once a happy child. We are in a better place since lots of therapy and constantly showing them love and reminding them is not there fault. It has drained me emotionally and physically because my kids are hurting and I can't take the pain away. But I can tell you it gets better we literally live a day at a time. Everyday is a new day. And the healing gets better.

Just remember take care of yourself so you can be there for your son because he will need you. I wish you luck in this journey and just take it a day at a time.


At BD
Lesbian marriage
Me39,W36
S9,D9,S8 adopted all three
Together almost 10yrs
Bomb Drop - April 2017
W movedout - May,2017
OW June,2017
Currently 2018
Me40, W38
S10,D10,S9
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PEW1974 Offline OP
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Marina7,

Thank you for your comments. I realize that there is no delicate way of avoiding my S8's pain. I am trying to keep it to a minimum though.

I am at a point where my W and I are arguing more and more. I have tried to avoid letting here get me into those types of talks but I find that I am losing the will to fight for this M anymore. I can not get her to try and work together so we can just physically separate. All she knows is what she wants and that is all she cares about. This R is toxic... She is toxic... I need to figure out how to proceed as cheaply as possible. Trying not to get lawyers involved but it appears we are going to have to go that route even though we can not afford it. Looking for advice or thoughts on how to proceed. I still love my W but I need to love myself more and save myself.

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