Gordie #14: the end of my M to MLC W, I think

[bttrfly]

Hi Gordie,
Everyone's weighed it. You're getting good advice. Don't act from emotion. Do the best thing for your children, and yourself. Give yourself time to figure out what that is.

Much love and Merry Christmas! xoxoxo

[job]

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

[Gordie]

Job, butterfly, Leah sue, Cali, Andrew, and ownit,

Thank you all for the well wishes. I wish I could give you all a big Christmas hug and shower you with gifts for in thanks for all you have given me.

Cali—thank you for that vision from a Christmas future. I do look forward to a better future at some point and accept that this will play out at its own pace.

Journaling:

We are playing family, some might say I have reopened the cake shop for Christmas. Family Christmas traditions, going to church together, etc. I don’t want to spoil Christmas for the kids.

Biggest change is teen d has found out more about what really happened and OM2 (not sure how) and doesn’t want to play family. She is no longer talking to stbx. I have talked to her a and let her cry in my arms. Stbx has asked me what she can do to comfort her and I just said I don’t know.

Have been busying myself out of the house with the kids and preparing for Christmas. I am going to see my extended family out of town after Christmas with the kids and without stbx. In the back of my mind I know this will just give her time with OM2 but there’s nothing I can do about that.

I am not expecting any presents this year so decided to do what I never do: I bought some presents for myself! I bought some new, flashier duds and have been getting lots of compliments. Honestly, I am not used to drawing attention to myself so this too is different and a little uncomfortable, but it’s also fun!

I have not made any decisions about what to do next. I am taking one day at a time. On the legal front, Ls are on vacation so nothing is going to happen until January.

I have been tempted to have R talk with stbx and ask: last time we spoke, you said you were undecided on what you want to do; have you decided? I have resisted the temptation because I know she is still in contact with OM2 even if it is less in my face than it was.

***

Merry Christmas to all of you who celebrate!

[bttrfly]

Merry Christmas Gordie! Resist!!! RESIST!!! What you've been doing is having some effect so do not backslide and ask what she's decided. That gives way to much power to the weakest link.
Just my two cents.

I'm delighted you've bought yourself new duds and are getting complimented. Good for you! I'm also very sorry about teen D's distress. Just keep being the solid guy you are. She needs that most right now.

I wish you a beautiful holiday with your children xoxoxoxo

[Gordie]

Butterfly,

Thank you. I have resisted initiating any R talks.

Journaling:

Well, Christmas was as good as it could have been under the circumstances. Lots of family time. I am not spying but stbx will leave the house for a few hours or lock herself in the room, I assume so she can spend time with OM2. Trying to be detached from her but it still makes my heart ache that she is willing to breakup the family to play her games with other men. She asked me to sleep with her once this week and I again declined.

[Sotto]

Hi Gordie, well it sounds as though Christmas has gone as well as it could do, given all circumstances. Next Christmas will be much better for you I promise - no matter how things unfold.

Your W may be going off to be in touch with OM, but take care not to mind read and assume. She could just as equally be having some alone time as more family time may feel like pressure. Or she may just be staring at four walls..

I have no idea what duds are - but I'm pleased you have bought some new ones and are receiving compliments - more duds please!!

Take care, and I hope you'll also make some nice plans independent of your W this festive season.

[Gordie]

Sotto,

New duds = new clothes. Thanks for the advice about not mind reading.

Journaling:

Feeling really down that my stbx would rather start anew with OM2 than try to work things out with me. Stbx initiated a R discussion today full of ILY and tears. I kept it short. I did ask again that she sign the agreement. I want to get on with my life. I said some things maybe I should not have said. I said I know what you think you are doing is right. I think what you are doing is wrong. She said ILY and I said again that your actions don’t demonstrate love. She said I know you don’t believe it but I do love you and I’m going to keep saying it. She tried to hug me but I didn’t hug back. She said: I will sign the D because I know we need it to make our R new and stronger. What I didn’t say: how is your sleeping with OM2 making our R stronger?

[OwnIt]

Gordie:

You have been around long enough to know that it is one of the common scripts that they tell themselves (that things will be better in the relationship after the divorce).

This is her divorce. She started it. She is dishonoring you, the kids, herself, the marriage, etc. I hope that she does sign the papers and live through these fantasies quickly so that you can make an informed decision on where you and the kids go from here.

You are just seeing a sick and sad woman who sees her cake coming to an end. If she really felt any more than that, she knows how to stop the madness.

Hoping you find a light in your life each day to survive this.

[Gordie]

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