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Joined: Feb 2017
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You just got me as well. My DD at 7 has everything in front of her and I don't want her, as an only child, going through a disturbing childhood if I can avoid it as of course it will scar her for life (as it has done for my W) keep hanging in there

Last edited by Cadet; 12/18/17 09:48 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message

Me 55, W 50
D 8
M 20
T 27
MIL w/ us
BD 01/02/17
workplace A (12/09/16, EA -> PA)
OM senior manager, long term W, child 14
now: limbo (my choice)

"Don't care what you may do, we got that attitude!" - Bad Brains
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No it won't scar her. Be the best effin dad ever for her and she wil flourish. You thinking that just because you get D'd that your D will suffer immeasurable pain is just silly.

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Oh man! Waterfalls here too. As I've said it's the only thing that gets to me now. Feel your pain, but behind that is overflowing love and I make sure to show that to my lil ones every single minute I am with them.


No one is coming to save you!

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Originally Posted By: Joseph9
When I think of my D's and the family they don't have it makes me very sad (then at times the anger comes).

J,

I know you lived it yourself and no better then I do, but as you know I have been fighting most to keep my family intact. One day I expressed my concern to my counselor using the term "no more family unit".

She said "LH you will still be a family. The only difference is your W and you will live in separate homes". After hearing that it has become a little easier to now picture this type of dynamic in my mind.

You survived a D and you turned into a great man and an awesome dad! I am sure your daughters will do the same.

Just remember, it ain't over to the fat lady sings!

Keep on keeping on!

Last edited by Cadet; 12/19/17 02:48 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
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Let me share a little story.

My parents were divorced when I was 17, but the time leading up to then was a very rough childhood. And I will tell you it was because of my dad I am who I am today.

One thing I desired in this world was a "normal" family. Me, a husband and 2 kids, intact. Family holidays, vacations, ect. Of course, I wanted my daughter to have everything I didn't.

I had always had a fear of being a single mother. I didn't see it in my cards. Well, my ex ended up being infertile, and we had to do IVF. He began cheating on me in that pregnancy and gone when she was 6 months old. ANd holy crap! Here I was, a 27 year old single mother to a baby. And I am an only child and a motherless mother. I was scare shi!tless for me and for my D10. Everything I worked hard towards not happening, happened.

And you know what? My D10 is a well adjusted happy thriving girl who does exceptionally well in school, is very helpful in the home, and embraces her families in both places. Sure, going back and forth is a pain in her butt sometimes. Sure, her dad is a bit of a douche. Sure, even despite that, she misses him from time to time (we do not have 50/50 custody). But otherwise, she is really enjoying her life. She is a happy healthy little girl. I do have fear for issues around relationships when she is older because her dad is not doing a good job there at all. But that is who he is and probably would have been worse if she had to watch him treat me that way, rather than OWW. For me, I am sad that she hasn't gotten the chance to se me in a long term healthy R, but it is what it is. I am also sad I never got the chance for another child, but I am an only child and I did ok.

I still get angry sometimes, but it dissipates because I see how well my daughter is doing.

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Thanks L and G....I appreciate your thoughts and insight. Some times you feel like your walking the Green Mile!

L - My D's being so well adjusted to this and seemingly happy has definitely helped. Certainly helps with the pain. Thanks for the motivation!

G - I am there with you on that, I know I will be a great single father but man I so much wanted them to have what I did not. How did you ever get over the anger of your XH walking out the door on you with a 6 month old???? And you state he is just a bit of a douche? Pretty amazing if you ask me smile and your D is as awesome as she is because of you and how you handled the situation. I am an only child as well.

Ok time to lock it up!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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