My only comment is this all sounds like classic pursuit and distance. I might suggest you review that thread too as you are distancing and she is pursuing. If when you start to pursue she distances again you will have a better idea what to do.
Having a SSM for a long time can cause both partners to wait on the other one to make the first move.
Thanks, Sandi. Yeah, that was definitely a backslide for me towards the old "me". Needed to "just do it" there. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
Before I close this thread, and based on the history I provided, any other thoughts on whether or not and if so how I should broach the ring issue with her (if at all?)
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
I don't have much more to say about the ring issue. It took a long time for my heart to catch up to my decision to stay with my H, however, I did not engage in the activity that got me into the mess in the first place. I did not tempt fate, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I will give her the benefit of doubt this one time.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Having a SSM for a long time can cause both partners to wait on the other one to make the first move.
Sandi, hopefully one more tidbit to sneak into this thread since it relates to the above, and then maybe i can close this one out and start a new one.
Yesterday on way back from Thanksgiving holiday, she found and showed me a playbill on her phone for an interesting sounding band playing last night at one of our nearby local watering holes (We have been spending a fair amount of our social time recently out at establishments listening to live music as we have discovered this is a passion we both share). S19 (College boy) came home with us for one day, however, and had a lot of work to do as he has been behind ever since is underaged alcohol-related arrest last month. We all watched the Iron Bowl (Bama-Auburn) on TV together-- we all, including W, are big football fans-- and it was a lot of fun... quality time. At some point I made some comment relating to whether or not everyone was tired and she said "Well, shoot, I'm just getting my second wind." We tarried around the house a bit, and I ended up working with S19 on his engineering homework, and eventually went back downstairs where W was still on sofa watching TV. This was probably around 9 or 930 or so, and at this point she looked tired, eyes closed, laying down with blanket on, etc. I tried joking a bit with her about being tired, and she was not real talkative. Went back to help S19 for a few minutes. Came back and she was laying down other way, with head on pillow where I had been sitting, but very sleepy looking. We watched TV for a bit, and she kind of drifted off, and ended up going to sleep there. Today, we had another good day... lunch with boys that was very fun, nice, etc. After we got back we were talking and I made some joke about her "fronting about her second wind last night" and she said "Hey, I kept waiting around for something to happen, but nothing ever did so i went to sleep..." She didn't seem angry when saying this... but she said it...
Sign that i kind of blew it a little last night, yes, and should be pursuing/acting a little more confidently perhaps?
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
I think it most likely she was referring to going out, and not to sex, but... with her anything's possible.
Quote:
Second, yes as a man it is your job to seduce her and lead her to the bedroom.
I can tell you’re afraid of being rejected. What do you have to lose at this point?
I'm not so much scared of rejection as I am scared of spooking her away. It's weird because in general my self confidence these days is higher than it has ever been. I don't have any concerns (and there have been numerous positive indications) about my ability to approach/attract women... and that's not saying I'm any kind of Brad Pitt look-alike or anything, cuz I'm not, but I DO have the level of confidence necessary... in general. But I feel like-- and I have told both my IC and my DB coach this at verious times-- that the rules with this girl (my W) are different right now than they are or would be with any other "available" girl on the planet.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
