Gordie: MLC w and I are working on our d #11

[Gordie]

SBJ:

2. If your MLC'er is like mine, she spends money either just to spend it, or trying to buy clothes that make her look 23 instead of 43. I used to have boxes piling in my garage from things she ordered. I don't anymore...hence the spending has gone down and my bank account is happier and healthier.

G: yes, one thing I am looking forward to post d.

SBJ:

4. You have done a great job over the last year, but she is in denial of what a true M should be. None of these people going thru MLC will be able to hold down a happy/successful relationship with anyone, but it is difficult because we have to see the ones we love do this crazy $#!^. Detach more, GAL, and remember that it is not your circus anymore.

G: that’s some hard earned wisdom there. It is really baffling seeing someone that your really know so well...do those things, say these things...

SBJ:

Let's all have a drink together tonight. At 8pm (CST) I will raise a bourbon to you my brother. Stay strong and remember that He is always with us thru the storms of life.

G: cheers!

[Gordie]

Brubeck:

Of course she wants you to meet OM. She wants to make this insanity feel normal for you, because it's normal for her. Either that, or she's trying to wind you up, to justify the D. Oh here I go again, trying to mind read the egg salad that is a MLCer's brain. She thinks it's serious because right now her life is being fulfilled with shallow, superficial needs - including the OM. Even if she gave him the whole "we've been S for months, we're just under the same roof" story, he's still getting involved with a M woman with 5 kids. What kind of baggage does this guy have to overlook those glaring facts?

G: you are spot on.

Brubeck:

The more I learned about OM, the less I cared. I still get FURIOUS at times, but it's because I realize I've been tossed aside for something far less. Good advice elsewhere... keep it business. Nothing else. Carry on and focus on the kids. I still have trouble taking my eyes of her sometimes - but if I focus on my kids, it's really rewarding. It's something I've learned about GALing, I've learned I was wasting energies devoting myself to activities just to kill time.

G: what does that last line mean?

Brubeck:

My STBXW signed off on our custody agreement. My L included a rule that neither parent can introduce a significant other to the kids for a full year. Food for thought.

G: your w had no issue with that? Why was that important to you?

Brubeck:

Remember, this is something we didn't ask for, and it's changing us in ways we may not want, but only temporarily. If we learn how to weather this storm, we will survive it, learn a few things about ourselves, and build a new life as a wiser person. The MLCer will carry the baggage of their La La Land years long after they've left the tunnel (if they do).

G: truth.

[Gordie]

Gordie

Ugh .... the STD, almsot as bad a trigger for me as the MLC tri of letters.

Somewhere in my 20 something threads I shared my STD story, I will try to be brief and give you the small version.

BD was Sep13, she moved out Nov13. I get a call March 17th 2014, (yes St Pats day ... seems she would later cover all holidays with a MLC gift packaged for me.) ... she was crying and I was certain she came to her senses. I knew there was an OM, but since she could not have sex due to medical conditions I was not all that worried as my logic said no dude would put up with her crap without cashing in on sex and that was not in the cards. So through the tears and sobs she tells me she thinks she contracted an STD, I remember saying well thats impossible you would have to have .... OMFG ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!! ... turns out she was miraculously healed and had sex with OM .. I was furious on multiple levels.
I went to the appt with her as it was confirmed right there with me in the room, Herpes ... I had myself checked soon after but was not all that concerned as I had not had sex with her for 3 years ... signs of the MLC were there all along but I had no idea till I found this place.

Anyways ... yeah you have to get checked, not many stories of people here sharing that their MLCr actually did contract an STD which is why I am telling you mine actually did. I am thankful I dodged the bullet as that's just another issue you would have to deal with regardless if you end up reconciling or not.

Theee years of lies...and then she got rewarded...unbelievable.

[Gordie]

I think it's great that you did not text back. I hope you won't AT ALL the whole weekend, unless it's a kid emergency. Do your best to let her see that where she is or who she is with is not your concern any longer.

Do that for YOU. I think you'll feel better once the weekend is past, about not responding to her at all. Nothing says I'm moving on like radio silence. (I know it's usually THEM that do that to us, but hey, this train runs both ways.)

(((((( Gordie ))))))

Thanks for the support on radio silence. It’s hard for me.

[Gordie]

Gordie - If this follows the usual script, expect her to be extra nice to you when she gets back and try to do something nice.

It's up to you how/if to deal with that.

This s@cks big time. I remember when my own W did this. It was amazingly painful.

I hesitate to suggest this, but outside of here you may want to start keeping a journal of days and events where she dumped her familial responsibilities. I can be helpful when negotiating custody.

Stay strong. Your kids need you to be the sane and stable parent.

Thanks for the warning. How should I deal with that? Plan is not to ask any questions of how was your weekend? Just keep my distance and be friendly but not friends.

[Gordie]

Yuck - she's deep in the throes of this new infatuation from what you post. Though she does seem to have the odd pang of - oh I do have a husband and family - best confirm where I am and make sure the kids are sorted...

Without reading back Gordie, what's the status of your living arrangements just now? Are you and she still sharing the MBR at this point? If so, I would find it staggering that she would go away on a weekend like this and come back to share a bed with her husband. Yes D may be in process, but still.

This must be pretty full on for you, and you may want to consider taking steps to create a little more distance and protect yourself emotionally - nothing vengeful, but just to buy yourself a little space from her antics.

Big hugs to you this weekend (((Gordie)))

We are under the same roof in separate bedrooms. I don’t distancing myself, for me. Yes, I’d love to save my m still but don’t think it’s going to happen before d and while she is with om2.

[job]

New Thread:

MLC W with a BF...negotiating our D #12