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Maika Offline OP
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Yeah it might be she doesn't want to hurt my feelings, but that's such weird logic. I mean things could obviously be worse - she could be sleeping around on the daily with random dudes or whatever. We've seen plenty on these boards how the WW/WH can royally $crew things up.

You pose some good questions. Let me answer them as practice, for where I am right now emotionally and mentally.

What if she brings up D?
I feel like I am in a weird space right now where I wouldn't offer any resistance to it. I feel like maybe D is fine because I am good with where I am and I dunno if I want to go back to the MR, especially as she's not put in any work on her end.

Getting back together?
As Sandi says, words need to match up to her actions and attitude, so that is the first thing I would look for. Minimum MC/IC to even jumpstart this work at least for me.

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If you want to date or met someone, go for it, I think you should.


Curious to know why you would say that she should date someone.

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Because I have been doing some thinking also and I have realized I don't love you either and I think it's for the best that we go our separate ways.


Is this where you're at right now? Sounds like you're inching closer to the decision to D. Just an observation. I know there's been chat on this on your thread and it's been interesting to get perspectives from other folks here.

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Well I am not sure if that is what I want because I have realized that there are things missing from our relationship and I am not sure you can provide unless your willing to change


I like that. It's pretty ball$y, but coming from a place of self confidence and strength.

Yeah I am just trying to be a good co-parent and making sure kiddos are doing well. To be honest, I noticed a beautiful woman today and interacted with her for some stuff and I was like, dayummm.. I'd like to take you out tonight. Obviously, didn't say any of that, but I felt like I could be in a place in a few months where I would actually make a move.

On the awesome side, I put on a shirt today that I had bought 2 months ago and it fit a bit loose on me. When I had tried it, it was a bit more form fitting. So, I've lost a few pounds which was a nice surprise.


No one is coming to save you!

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Yes, our W's have not been completely off their rocker like others have been so in that regard we are lucky. I still don't have any proof their is OM and if there is so far she has not been stupid enough to bring him around our girls because I know they would say something. If there is OM I would suspect he is married which is why she has not pushed for D and if there is not then she is just enjoying the single life, meeting guys probably and hanging out with her girlfriends. Either way no attempts have been made on her part to work on the MR.

I don't know if what I would say is right or wrong per DB principals but I am tired of running scared. I don't fear D any more, still don't want it but I am not scared by it. so I guess when I think about the questions that normally would give me that sinking feeling in my stomach part of how I would respond is based on my lack of really caring right now about what happens.


Quote:
Curious to know why you would say that she should date someone.


When I think about it anything else to me sounds week. Am I supposed to tell her how I love her and beg her not to? When I run the scenarios at the end of the day I can't stop her so I guess it's part of setting her free. I guess it's coming from a position of strength but I am willing to let her go. If she wants to do that and make it public (I guess an open marriage) then I don't want to stay around for that. So go do it if that's what you want.

I also don't think she would ever come ask me either.

Quote:
Is this where you're at right now? Sounds like you're inching closer to the decision to D. Just an observation. I know there's been chat on this on your thread and it's been interesting to get perspectives from other folks here.


Again, I just think about if she came to me and said that. At that point what options would I have? I am not going to beg or plead for her not to. Right now I am committed to this path until after the holidays. That will be a little over 6 months, then I will re-evaluate. They say you have to be ready to lose it before you can ever save it.

I feel like I am pretty detached and she no longer stirs the same emotions in me that she used to. I also have lost some respect for her as well and actually am starting to view her as a weak individual. When I think about what she has done to our family and our D's I am viewing her as an ugly person on the inside. Does that make sense?

Quote:
On the awesome side, I put on a shirt today that I had bought 2 months ago and it fit a bit loose on me. When I had tried it, it was a bit more form fitting. So, I've lost a few pounds which was a nice surprise.


That's awesome, good for you! That helps with the confidence! I never weigh myself I just go by how the clothes fit. Banana Republic has some really nice for fitting shirts and if you can catch them on sale not a bad price.

Last edited by Cadet; 10/24/17 06:36 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message

Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Maika Offline OP
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Link to new thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2766326&#Post2766326

J - Imma respond to your post in my new thread


No one is coming to save you!

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