You need to keep working on your detachment. You're not helping yourself, here. You already know she's a cheater, you already know she lies to your kids, you already know that whatever OM are in the picture are more important to her than you or your family. What have you discovered here that's new? What is getting this upset buy you at this point except more pain?
When I look at what you're posting, I see someone who seems to DESPERATELY want his W to just wake up and come home. You're angry with her, disgusted by her, but you still REALLY seem to want that. The problem is that she's not going to do those things anytime soon, if ever, and nothing in the world you do is going to shorten that timeline. The things you ARE doing are going to just push her further away.
Keep the D moving if that's what you want. While that's moving forward, be "done" with her if that's what you want or stand for your M if that's what you want. Whatever you do, though, commit to it and STOP WORRYING ABOUT HER AND WHAT SHE'S DOING! You'll never find any kind of peace unless you do.
Unless and until you accept that there's NOTHING you can do to control what she does, and live for YOU and your kid, you're going to keep hurting, going to keep spinning, and you won't ever move closer to something better than the hell you're in right now.
It [censored]. It's a [censored] sandwich for you and your kid. But where you are right not [censored] MORE than what's on the other side of this. And you won't ever get to that other side unless you work for it. So start working.
It's just the realization that she would play me by using our child. Figured she would want more time with him, but apparently the attention of random men are more important. OM was at least an obsession. Now it's just a warm body that is important than her child. And now I have to act a certain way just because I know she is likely lying and taking advantage. So what is your opinion about sending that text the next te she wants something from me. Or will a simple "no" do just fine?
Yeah, that realization [censored]. When they start to use your kid first as an excuse, and later as a weapon, it hurts for a lot of reasons. But you have to remember that the person she is today is going to do that kind of thing, and likely worse. Stop being surprised by it.
Yes, she is (and will continue to, if you let her) taking advantage of you. When my D was final, XW got my car (mine, from before the M) as part of the property settlement. I signed the title, and gave it to her, asking her to give my plate back the next week at handover. I got a polite text a few days later asking me to let the car ride for a bit, as money was tight. Since it wasn't going to cost me much of anything (registration and insurance are up at the end of this month, anyway) I agreed. A few days later, she was facetiming with D and I overheard her talking about her new haircut.
As always, she had money for essentials like salon visits, but not luxuries like getting the car registered and insured.
Don't forget that's what you're dealing with. Don't forget (cadence pointed this out to me in my thread) that your kindnesses will be seen as weakness and used against you.
In answer to your question, "a simple no" if you bother to respond at all. What you wrote up is a whole bunch of stuff she already knows. She'll see it as weakness, AND she'll get better at lying to you. What's your gain from that?
