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So my W tells me this am that she went out and celebrated 1 of her friends birthday last night and left her clutch at the bar with her money and ID. Needless to say her money is gone and she has my girls this week with no means to buy groceries. I feel like a parent that kid comes home from college to stock up on food get a little cash and leaves.

She then asked me for our credit card this am so she could get a few things. I told her no that if she needed groceries send me what she needs and i would buy them when i went to the store. I could tell she didn't like it but I was not going to give her our big CC.

When she came over tonight to pick up our girls from choir practice for the week she commented that I didn't need to get her as much. I told her I understood but I wanted to make sure they had what they needed.

I could tell she felt bad and I told her to not feel guilty that I understood why she does but that I relieve her of any guilt she feels.

I know most folks would prob not agree with me helping her out. If it was just her I would have not done it but with my D's being with her all week I felt compelled.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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J - the soccer game update sounds great. Looks like you could hang out and not worry bout a thang.

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Needless to say her money is gone and she has my girls this week with no means to buy groceries.


Does she carry around cash only? You can go to the bank and they can give you a replacement temporary card on the spot.

Quote:
I could tell she felt bad and I told her to not feel guilty that I understood why she does but that I relieve her of any guilt she feels.


I dunno man. I mean, I would probably let her feel the guilt out but not say anything about it. But you the bigger man here so I can see why you did that.

I don't see a problem buying groceries. You're doing it for your D's and one of these days your W needs to pick up the parental bootstraps and hold down the fort from her end.


No one is coming to save you!

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I read somewhere that the guilt for a WW is not a good thing which is why I said that. Well the kicker is that she had already overdrawn her account earlier in the month so has no money in her checking either until she gets paid.

I didn't do it to win her back, there was no motive behind other than she feels like she feels and is obviously struggling.

I am trying to take my thinking and emotions to higher level of peace when it come to her. I think over time I have got the peace because I know I am a great person with a ton of great qualities.

Like you said the other day Zen like.

She does run hot and cold...I could tell she really does not like having to reach to me for support. It is obvious I can tell her having to come to me pushes her father away because she was very business like. I made sure I did not give the impression that their were strings attached or I expected something from it.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Posts: 1,920
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Quote:
I read somewhere that the guilt for a WW is not a good thing which is why I said that.


Yeah that's true. My W effed on some parental responsibilities and I know what happened because I know her, but I didn't question her or make her feel like crap. She knew why she messed up and has to live with it because it affects my S.

Quote:
I am trying to take my thinking and emotions to higher level of peace when it come to her. I think over time I have got the peace because I know I am a great person with a ton of great qualities.


Yeah for reals. Zen like. Good place to get to.


No one is coming to save you!

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I think if you are making sure the kids have what they need, that's all that matters.

If kids were not involved, I'd say let her figure it out. This ENTITLEMENT $HIT kills me. (Sorry, that was self-inflicted, not aimed toward you!)


M-60 H-51
M-14 years
BD 12/26/16
S 1/1/17

"First the pain, then the rising."
Glennon Doyle Melton

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No thats ok...I got her a few things as well. Im just trying to balance between not enabling her but also not trying to come across as vindictive or being jerk. I am still working on it and haven't figured it out yet. Also trying to think big picture.

I don't reach out and ask her nor do I just do things voluntarily so I hope it doesn't come across as pursuing because that is not my intent.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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So sorry for what you are going through. I feel you are doing very well. Going to church helps a lot especially when you are going through stuff like this. It has helped in my jouney too and I found reading the bible and playing good christian music to help.

I feel you may encourage her to attend and tell her she is free to choose what she really wants. Pray for her more for God's will to prevail in her life and for you.


M 11 Dated for 4 years before then
Me 35 H 39
D 10
BD Feb 2016
A 2015 Dec
I was never in a R with the OM. Had a one night stand & I stopped contact immediately
I confessed the A to H and we went for MC
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Quote:
So sorry for what you are going through. I feel you are doing very well. Going to church helps a lot especially when you are going through stuff like this. It has helped in my jouney too and I found reading the bible and playing good christian music to help.


Thanks, none of us wish we were here smile. Overall I feel pretty good, still working on detaching but I feel like I am making progress daily. My main GAL activity is going to the gym, I do go out with friends every now and then. Early on I was trying to keep myself busy every night but after awhile I realized that I felt pretty good on my own. Everyone processes things differently.

Our anniversary is tomorrow so I am sure I will have mixed emotions. I have no plans to acknowledge the day.

Quote:
I feel you may encourage her to attend and tell her she is free to choose what she really wants. Pray for her more for God's will to prevail in her life and for you.


I did encourage her to attend when my D got her bible. I could tell she felt a little awkward and she is welcome to attend again at any time. I will not be inviting her though as that could be considered pursuing. We are not an overly religious family but I do pray often for peace in her heart and strength for my D's. I started going as 1 of my goals and to also expose my D's to religion so when they where old enough they had exposure to make their own choices.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
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OP Offline
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Posts: 4,560


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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