Thanks Treasur, but I don't know if I did myself any favors. I think in some ways I was more at peace with accepting that it was over. It seems it was easier to GAL a week ago. Now I just miss him. I hope Ownit is right, and the feeling part will begin to subside. The only thing that gives me any peace right now is the fact that he doesn't know I miss him like this, and that seems almost so backward from true honest living. I guess it really is all just a game.
Also I'm finding it harder to reach out to my "support" people, because it's almost like they don't want to intrude, and I don't feel like talking about the visit anyway, so I find myself not reaching out. In many ways, it was easier to reach out to people when the heartbreak was so evident-somehow I felt justified in reaching out for help with loneliness. Now it just feels selfish. Such crazy emotions.
Tomorrow I'm promising myself to get back out there and be thankful for each moment.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
There is a book that people mention on here that has a good section on pursuit and distance. I recall that when I read it, something in there made a lot of sense. I'm paraphrasing and will probably be way off. I think it talked about how the backing away feels like a game, completely unnatural, and "fake", particularly to co-dependents. I know that it is true of me. We are so used to rushing in before the other person has to do anything or feel anything that it seems so artificial to back off, but I think that is something we have to work on to give the other person the space they need to step forward. Try to think of it more like that.
Leah, I think it feels weird because a) it's almost like dealing with a teenager and b) it is a weird situation to be in with someone we knew for so long. And lots of mixed emotions.
OwnIt's advice sounds on the button to me...stay the course
Last edited by Cadet; 08/27/1703:35 AM. Reason: start a new thread message
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
I haven't been on the site recently (out GAL) but just checked in to see how you were doing.
I'm so glad the visit went well. I can understand the mixed feelings and the hurt. Just go very easy on yourself.
I will say that the power dynamic has very clearly shifted, and I'm thrilled about that. I think with men, especially, it's so important to remember that we are the prize and let them pursue us.
He was pursuing pretty hard. That boundary you set may have him backing off a bit, though. Don't take it personally.
not sure if this heads to another thread but I'll post a quick note here.
glad to see the dynamic shift. But men have a harder time living alone (and I share your fondness for it, btw. It's a surprise for me but it's true. I like parts of being alone to the point where I'm not sure I'd live with a man again for a long time, if ever)
BUT if you are considering a recon - down the road - won't the distance issue need to be addressed?
Because no matter what he says or does or thinks or feels, the long distance took a toll on the m.
Believe me, I relate. While I was faithful, I don't think h was - and he sure wasn't at the end.
Another thing I know now is that I do not want a long distance r with anyone, if it's more than a few months. Why would I? I just left a long distance marriage in which I was lonely more than I realized.
Just saying it would probably be more appealing to you both, for it to work well, if you know there was a light at the end of that tunnel.
War Eagle!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25--I've already had that same conversation with Leah. I think it is 100% true. My H's infidelities were when he was living away from home, as I believe your H's were. Men can't handle it the way we can in my experience (apologies to those of you who can). It will definitely need to be addressed, and addressed early on.
