In fact, my D lives with me now but the only way I could convince her mom to let her live with me was to continue to paying her child support.
Oh I didn't know she lived with you, I thought you said she wasn't very available.
So I have my daughter with me, and pay my ex-wife child support. My daughter simply doesn't want to hang out. She prefers hanging out with her friends.
Yeah well, she's 16.
When I was 18, my brother graduated from college and our whole family flew out to the Air Force Academy for it. Somehow my dad and I were the only ones on our specific flight. I recall being SO inconvenienced and uncomfortable that I'd be with my dad for 5 hours straight, and no buffer zone people. (Oh, And I LIKED MY DAD!)
I've even taken her to a few family therapist with me to see if we could work on things. I tried to get her to attend church with me. I've asked her for a long time now to spend some time but she just doesnt want to. So What happened at the therapist?
I know for a fact her mother has told her lots of lies about me inlcuding that I cheated on her. Ummm, her mom left me and I was the one that tried to save the marriage. I have never cheated on any woman I've ever dated. maybe that's ^^ the thing to say, without naming any former gf or wife. And is it possible your ex w thinks you cheated or she's just that defensive? -
However, ex-wife tried to get me back and by that time I was already dating another woman ad told her I had moved on. It was then that ex-wife started bashing me. She even chased my new girlfriend around town in her car running red lights etc. Now THERE ^^ is a woman who needs to GAL. Shame on her for poisoning things and being crazy with your new gf. Ugh.
The fact that your d chose to live with you is a good sign, even if she seems uninterested.
I will never give up on my kid, ever. I let her know that I'm there for her and always ask her day was etc. All I get is a grunt in return or "leave me alone".
Well that sounds super lovely. What is with her hostility - She asked to live with you, right?
When our d20 was at her worst in high school , we enrolled in and bought some DVD's on addressing behavioral issues with kids. I think It's called "Total Transformation" and for $20 a month we could call anytime with questions for a counselor.
Although we only used it maybe 5 times, it was valuable to have an IC for dealing with the kids, readily available 24/7. (And the CDs and DVD's were great with role playing examples and setting some boundaries, too.)
Just an FYI. Definitely improved my ability to deal with adolescent tantrums and hostility and to stay calm doing it. Yes, very worth it. For 6 months d20 - when she was in her senior year, decided she wanted to go to college but NOT live on campus so her gf could live with her. She was adamant. I'm not sure what would have happened if we had not gotten professional advice.
He's told me that this is common for parents when one has a personality disorder
so your ex wife has a personality disorder (which one?) And drug or alcohol problem? IS she actively using/drinking, or in recovery? I must have missed that.
and that at this point, all I can do is let her know I love her and that I'm there for her.
Both a counselor and a priest I spoke with, both said that making sure our kids know we love them and that they are not alone, is the priority.
That's simple, but not always easy.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I haven't posted much because there isn't anything really going on at the moment.
My focus has been on finding another job and researching starting my own business. I'm really exploring what makes me happy outside of a relationship and what I would like to do going forward. I'm finding that I think I'm done with working in corporate America and answering to people that really have no interest in my well being. I'd rather work doing something I love doing and that affords me the opportunity to make my own decisions. This is all uncharted territory for me.
On the W front, she still texts me throughout the week. She's been in therapy and facing her issues. I'm still in therapy and working on my issues as well. I know she regrets her decision to leave.
I've stayed in contact with her daughter and we have fun texting and making silly faces on Facetime.
Hi Thornton, glad to hear you are doing well. Sounds like you may have some interesting career plans for yourself - yay! I also work in HR, but I moved out of the public into the charitable sector and really enjoy it. I work for a 'young' organisation and have been involved in some interesting projects - unchartered territory most of it for me..
It is such a good idea to spend some time thinking about what genuinely brings you happiness and joy beyond a romantic relationship. I often revisit these three areas - love of me, things I love doing and people I love - and gratitude. These are all genuine sources of joy, meaning and fulfilment I think.
It sounds as though there are some regrets on her part and it is good she is in therapy - and good that you are too. I would encourage you to take plenty of time for yourself and try not to get too distracted or drawn in with the contact. To genuinely move forward, dig deep and make meaningful changes in you and for you does take some time and I think these are very much early days. I certainly wouldn't encourage you to feel any particular obligation towards your ex and hope you will make nice plans for yourself, and so some stuff you'll enjoy. Time will tell how things may unfold..
Take care Thornton & good to hear from you
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
