Wife walked away 12 days ago says it's over 3

[Stunned]

So I'm curious if it's typical for a waw to pretty much stop caring about EVERYTHING in there life and not really have emotions or feelings for anything? Talking to my w today about a few things with dr bills and our Ivf and she was just stone cold about everything really. Talking about how she really doesn't care what they do with the left over embryos and saying it was prob a good thing she miscarried. It's just shocking how she is now.

[Stunned]

so I called My W dr today cause we've never gotten the genetic testing results for the babies. Well they called me back and said they found nothing wrong and then asked if I wanted to know the sex of them I said yes. It was a boy and girl. I hung up and could barely keep my self together. Asked w to call me she did and I told her that info and I could hardly get out the sex of the babies from sobbing so badly and she was just as normal as can be no emotion I can't remember exactly what she said but felt to me something like dang that [censored]. And I was like aren't you upset she said it's upsetting but I've already moved on and grieved. Idk if she's trying to hide the emotion from me or she's really moved on from it or she's blocking it, it just really hurt....... it's like she void of any feelings or emotions right now....

[25yearsmlc]

so I called My W dr today cause we've never gotten the genetic testing results for the babies. Well they called me back and said they found nothing wrong and then asked if I wanted to know the sex of them I said yes. It was a boy and girl. I hung up and could barely keep my self together.


Asked w to call me she did and I told her that info and I could hardly get out the sex of the babies from sobbing so badly and she was just as normal as can be no emotion

I think you need to back way off. You felt your emotions and kind of fobbed them onto your w

and then she reacted as 90% of people do when they are confronted with someone else's emotional outpouring

meaning, when someone is very emotional around us, it's very hard for us to "match" them. Our natural tendency is to go the opposite direction or you'd have two people sobbing and losing control.

This is why some actors move us by their "barely maintained composure", their internal struggle to keep it together. When they "lose it", the audience tends to remain composed and not lose it.

Hard to explain but I've been to 3 funerals in which parents lost children. In none of them, did both parents lose their composure at the same time. One comforts the other or keeps their $h1t together b/c it's just too much falling apart to do, both at once.

I know it's very painful for you. I get that. But please, please do not do that to her again, especially without warning. frankly, I am surprised she did not get angry at you.

So sorry but that's my take on it.


I can't remember exactly what she said but felt to me something like dang that [censored]. And I was like aren't you upset she said it's upsetting but I've already moved on and grieved.

She had no warning of your coming announcement and

frankly, I kind of feel like you called her for her to comfort you. With no notice, too.

She's felt pain, trust me.

Idk if she's trying to hide the emotion from me or she's really moved on from it or she's blocking it, it just really hurt.......

so to be clear, how did she hurt you? Or are you saying the knowledge hurt you?

As for the babies, I'm so sorry. ugh.

Is the news that there was no genetic problem, good or bad?


it's like she void of any feelings or emotions right now....

Oh I doubt that^^^ very much. Don't mind read, don't surprise someone with an emotional bomb and then read into their response, especially when you have a very emotional one.

it's very very hard to match someone else's emotional content when they are sobbing.

We tend to compensate for the emotion the others are showing so if someone is very very angry, we tend to want to calm them down or to be very calm

if someone is very afraid, we tend to be reassuring as if we feel no fear

and when someone is sobbing, especially about something we were not expecting to hear and about something we have already processed, yes we tend to try to keep it together.

It's not at all her having an emotional void. I think that might be really unfair of you.

Anyhow, I'm very sorry you're in pain. Truly

[Stunned]

The hurt part was the knowledge of finding out the sex of the babies. I worry that now she knows nothing genetically was wrong with them if shes blaming herself for this? I would never blame her for this as its nobodies fault but I've never actually said those words to her. I wanted to call her back that day to tell her that but she wouldn't pick up and texted me saying she didn't wanna talk right now. I texted her back saying I wanted to tell her something about the babies when the miscarriage happened and she replied that its too late for whatever I have to say. That kinda hurt but Its true I should've consoled her better at the time and reassured her that it wasn't her fault.

She knew I was gonna call her but it was only a quick text asking her to call me I had news about the genetic report but that was still short notice.

You're right I am backing way off for the most part but with that news it just really hit me hard. Seems every time I bring something emotional up to her she pulls way back and fires back with something about this M ending so I'm sure its her guard going up farther each time. It's been two months and i know yall say don't believe anything she says at this point but she says shes already moved on with it all so IDK how things can get better with MORE time but im dropping the rope.... I have to for my own sanity. This emotional roller coaster is too much and I have to GAL more and relax and take it for whichever way it comes.

[OwnIt]

Wow 25, that is one of the most helpful things I've read on these boards and really gives me some insight into my own life.

Stunned, I'm sorry you are struggling. I went through two miscarriages before having my children. What I can tell you is that when you do have children, and I am sure you will, that the pain of that loss will finally be ameliorated. I'm not sure it will ever go away completely, but it will be better.

[Rose888]

The hurt part was the knowledge of finding out the sex of the babies. I worry that now she knows nothing genetically was wrong with them if shes blaming herself for this? I would never blame her for this as its nobodies fault but I've never actually said those words to her. I wanted to call her back that day to tell her that but she wouldn't pick up and texted me saying she didn't wanna talk right now. I texted her back saying I wanted to tell her something about the babies when the miscarriage happened and she replied that its too late for whatever I have to say. That kinda hurt but Its true I should've consoled her better at the time and reassured her that it wasn't her fault.

She knew I was gonna call her but it was only a quick text asking her to call me I had news about the genetic report but that was still short notice.

You're right I am backing way off for the most part but with that news it just really hit me hard. Seems every time I bring something emotional up to her she pulls way back and fires back with something about this M ending so I'm sure its her guard going up farther each time. It's been two months and i know yall say don't believe anything she says at this point but she says shes already moved on with it all so IDK how things can get better with MORE time but im dropping the rope.... I have to for my own sanity. This emotional roller coaster is too much and I have to GAL more and relax and take it for whichever way it comes.

First, I'm very sorry for your miscarriages.

But it's important you understand (and I can't tell if you do) that not having anything genetically wrong is not the same as healthy or viable. Ruling out genetic issues just means there were the right number of chromosomes (and possibly that they looked for some known genetic markers of certain diseases).

It seems weird that if you thought knowing the genetic results would make it more likely she would blame herself, that you took it upon yourself to give her that information unprompted.

Clearly, you deserve to be supported in your grief, but it's just as clear that your wife is not the person to be doing that right now. Do you have a counselor to help you work through this?

As for time improving things--it might, if you actually give her time and space. Until you do that, it probably won't help.

[Stunned]

Just an update as it s been a long time since I ve been on here. It seems most people drop off and never come back so I ve decided to let y all know what s been going on since last summer.

The om the w claimed was just a friend ended up being more than that and she s currently very pregnant with his child. I always knew deep inside she wasn t telling the truth about him and around September I found out the truth.

We have not and will not be reconciling, the D should be finalized in a matter of weeks.

Around the time I found out the truth of the om I dropped the rope and decided to get myself together and started dating some. Each time I found something I didn t like about the person I quickly ended it as I was being very picky. For the last several months I found a great girl and things are going well. It s hard to believe where I am now vs where I was just a year ago going through a living hell.

Things do get better, you might not think time will ever allow that to happen but it does. They don t always get better with the way you want them to but with time and gal you slowly see improvements. Life is pretty good again

[AnotherStander]

Hello Stunned! Thank you for checking back in and for the update, it's always good to hear success stories even when they don't involve recon. So glad to hear you are doing well and found someone that appreciates you! Congrats!!