Job, SBJ and Coly.......thank you so much for your words.
Job....thank you for asking questions that made me think. As far as spending time together..... H does do things freely. He is usually very willing to do whatever will make things easier for me. He comes to my place no matter what time of the day it is. I have offered to go to his instead, but he says he prefers to come to mine. He has spent the night with me several times, and even though my place is not convenient for him and his schedule (working out, going to work), he doesn't mind getting up earlier then his usual.
He does tell me that he enjoys spending time with me...and I believe him. One morning I was getting ready for work, he had the day off, and I was in the bathroom getting dressed, and the dogs were of course right there in the middle things. He looked at me and said "I miss this"......I asked him if he meant being there together as a "family" and doing what families do and he said "yes"......I was surprised to hear him say that.
As far as the trust thing......I think he is scared to really show his feelings for me, and I think that is why he says he is still trying to learn how to trust me. Long before me, H was hurt in a relationship....his gf cheated on him. He apparently was upset about it and got a tattoo in Chinese that meant trust. He said it was to remind him that trust is not something that he takes lightly. Sometimes I feel like it isn't me that he cant trust, but it is about him not being able to control things.
I also feel that he thinks that if he does show his emotions it will make him seem weak. Growing up in his parents (British) home he was taught that feelings and emotions were not to be expressed. He was taught keep that "British stiff upper lip"......you know that "keep calm and carry on" thing That does not work for me, and I honestly don't really know how much longer I can continue to be on the receiving end of him not being willing to show me how he feels.
I am definitely going to take your advice and "give him as much space as he can choke on"
Coly......I agree with you when you say that he is using this landmark therapy as some sort of crutch. He goes to these "meetings" every week and is able to share things in his life with people he has only known for a few months, but he won't share things with me. He shares at those meetings, but I am pretty sure that he doesn't really understand what it really means to share. It also has become a bit of a social outing for him too. The meetings are from 7pm to 10pm once a week. After every meeting a group of them go out to eat afterwards. He told me sometimes he is out until well after midnight. I can not imagine that they are sitting around talking about their feelings for all that time???
Another issue for me with Landmark, is that several of the people in the group are female, and when he gets to a place where he is confused about how to handle a situation with me, or wonders why he is acting a certain way, he reaches out to them instead of me. According to H, the meetings are not really interactive, just mostly listening. Now while that is better then nothing, I feel like he needs to have someone asking him questions about why he is behaving the way he is, or why he thinks it is okay to continue with this behavior. He should be going to see an IC, but he says he cant afford it.
And him running scared back into the hole......that is so childish in my mind, and I honestly dont know if that is something l am willing to put up with anymore. For me it shows he isn't willing to do the hard work and is more concerned about making himself feel better, or "ignore and it will go away" mentality.......that does not work for me.
SBJ.......Thank you for being in my corner. I hope you are doing as well as expected given what you have gone through recently.
I have really enjoyed my time here in Colorado. Went on a few hikes and the weather was perfect. Definitely gave me plenty of time to think.
I am leaving in the morning to head back home Still nothing form H.
Last edited by job; 09/21/1711:52 PM. Reason: Added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
That does not work for me, and I honestly don't really know how much longer I can continue to be on the receiving end of him not being willing to show me how he feels.
Still nothing form H. 