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skyhigh #2748066 06/23/17 12:08 AM
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Except for exposing to 3rd parties, which I think can backfire and make you look like the scorned wife, (& makes recon harder b/c pushing the affair into the "public" arena often pushes the APs into each other's arms more, in an "us against them" view)

I agree with everything skyhigh wrote. Skyhigh my apologies if I misunderstood the exposure comment.

Yes to all else, and get copies of finances and you CAN get half of any money out of a joint account and if I had not been hospitalized when my h planned his exit, I absolutely would have.

It's been a HUGE hassle $$$ having to get subpoenas to banks we both banked at but which h was able to block me from when I wasn't looking. You will need MONEY/CASH.

My h is an MD and I'm borrowing money to get through this crap which is mortifying after 35 years and 3 kids.

I'm not saying to escalate, I'm saying to protect yourself. He has now filed for D

so the cards will fall where they fall. Don't let them fall on you.

He can wake up later to the wreckage and try to repair it.

You don't want to be in the wreckage


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
25yearsmlc #2748091 06/23/17 01:48 AM
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by exposure I meant a targeted one, not a nuclear one. I always picked my targets in a very careful manners. I first exposed it to him and her, to let them know I knew and I had proofs, because somehow I had the feeling he was making her believed that I knew nothing and their secret was well preserved, it disrupted that belief, also it made him and her aware that if he could lie to me he could lie to her too... my second step was to exposed her to a very few people whom she valued their opinions dearly... the same for him. I was a way to bring reality into their fantasy, it worked extremely well. Silence is never our friend, that's our enemy. Why do we need to be the victim of their manipulation? Standing with dignity (no fool or nasty words or behavior) is just showing that we have self respect for ourselves. Silence breeds more lies and resentment, it destroys us. Also, when you have kids somehow we need to show them that we don't accept bullying and being lied, we are role models.


Me 52+ WH 57+
Married 20 +
Piecing since 2016 (ready to give up...)
skyhigh #2748112 06/23/17 03:44 AM
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Thank you Skyhigh and 25.

From a financial and legal standpoint, I'm covered and have already been doing what I need to do to protect myself.

But I do have a couple of questions about your responses.

About the exposure - they have already been exposed. It has been over a year since I found out and the OW has been with a new guy for that same amount of time. The OW continues to maintain a "friendly" relationship with my H. They text/email and talk to each on the phone all day while at work. H sends writes her love letters, gives her small gifts (mostly food items). Should I let OW's b.f. know?

Also, about my interactions with H from this point out. Polite but distant. I totally get. Does that mean I tell him about my future plans, even if they include S? Or do I continue to just do what I want, when I want? (Right now, I make plans, but don't tell him until last minute.)

He sometimes texts me questions about S and I respond w/in a reasonable amount of time (2 hours or less). Should I ignore those now? Should I wait even longer to text back?

He pays for groceries and I cook the food. Should I do anything differently here? This arrangement is fine with me, so my gut says leave it alone if I am okay with it.

I feel like now since he has filed, I need to do something very different than what I have.

FightOn #2748117 06/23/17 04:07 AM
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Hmmmmm..... why do you think anything should be different now that filed? Do your goals remain the same? Why would you change turnover time on text messages regarding your S just because he filed?

Why were you telling him about future plans before he filed? Why is that changing now? What kind of plans are you talking about? The only thing I would change is parenting time. You have yours, he has his, and you do what you choose with your time.

Ask yourself these questions.

And the way I have been living for these many years divorced. When it comes to stuff regarding our D, I don't mess around, and neither does he. If there is a text regarding our kid and only our kid, we address it ASAP.

Ginger1 #2748121 06/23/17 04:48 AM
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You've been served, the next step is to interview lawyers and some do have free consultations. Do not allow the lawyer to talk you into things that you don't necessarily need. Google your state and see what your rights are as well. Knowledge is power.

Now about exposing affairs, etc., you need to have proof and I suggest holding on to that proof if you need to start negotiating something that you really need. Your h isn't going to want the affair exposed and especially his little tart exposed. So, keep the info close and do not share until you need to negotiate something.

Just remember, if your h were in your shoes, he would fight for what is his and not second guess himself on his actions. This is now a financial deal that has gone sour and you need to protect yourself and your children and ask for what is fair and right in order to live. Leave your heart at the door and use your mind for this negotiation.

New Thread:

Flotsam, part II

Last edited by job; 06/24/17 01:18 AM. Reason: Added link to new thread
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