Thornton - I honestly think it would help again more personally than for the M or R, but it's not going to be about pursuing the R but calling out the EA. I've never been one to confront and it's my way of a 180.
My goal is driven by continuing my improvements to self and overcoming my NGS by being assertive is one of my main goals. This confrontation fits this bill.
I'm realizing now the lack of respect shown by my W with the EA to me. It's time to stand up for me in this regardless of the overall outcome in our M. That is so up in the air regardless.
The risk I have of not calling this out right now is regretting not having done so. It's about not having regrets in this. As I said earlier, my eyes are opening a bit and I'm seeing where my lack of backbone before was added fuel to her fire against intimacy with me.
That's where I'm at now however, if, when I pull this off is yet to be seen but I'll be back to post.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
Vanilla... thought a lot about what you said earlier on my thread and now I think I'm getting to the demons you were asking about... I just didn't recognize them yet.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
Feeling good this morning after yesterday's big chat. Called her out on contact with EA and she said "honestly, there's nothing there" to which I replied "this isn't about him, but about how much disrespect you've shown me as your H in doing it." I owned up to my lack of being there and present due to my depression immediately after this.
Lots of other stuff discussed and then we get to the crux of Round 2 and it is the fact that we're here again. She cannot see doing this again to only lose ourselves again. I told her that I understand that completely and just reminder her one important difference between this time and 4 years ago and that is my awareness of my depression.
I know there's no consoling at this time and that she just needs to get rid of all the negative emotions and go through her process. Will any of this change her mind about D? I don't know and honestly I've gotten to the point of where it doesn't matter. Serenity leaves me to understand that it is her decision or as she says "I have to be the bad guy".
Slept for the first night in the apartment and our furniture is not in yet, so it's air mattress night and the darn thing has a leak. Par for this course, I guess. Have some travel for work tomorrow / Wed, so glad to be on a real bed even if its a hotel.
So my friends, I'm definitely now in solo DB-mode for real here. I know I have been, but this weekend really got out all that I had to say. You know, the stuff that would not let you sleep at night or have regrets on not having said. I know none of our words will make or change the path they're on and that's fine, but it was important for me in my journey in becoming who I want to be.
Hope everyone has a good Monday because we all know Monday $ucks.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
Thanks LH. With this not being my first rodeo here, I've surprised myself how quickly I've been able to get a hold of things. Still have my ups and downs, but we all do.
My cousin sent me a quote yesterday that I liked and she's been through her share of M issues too. The quote was "never let fear decide your fate".
I think of this as a way to say own your own life in every which way you can. I'll just keep trying... :-)
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
