Well I am going to beat her to the punch, I always said i just needed definitive proof. I should have listened to the recording two weeks ago... I could have saved myself some money....oh well
I really do feel that db has given me incredible strength to get through the last couple of months. There are just some things I personally will not accept.
Me:33, WW:30 BD:12/14/16, EA no children Still together
You are strong! Being strong does not necessarily lessen the pain, but IMHO, your inner courage rises up to face it and give you the ability to deal with it. Courage is a mental attitude that supports your actions in spite of your fear.
It might be best if you stayed away for a few days, and not communicate with her. Let her try to blow up your phone, or block her number. If she can reach you, she'll pull you into another round of yada yada that has no profit for you or the M.
She needs no explainations. She knows what she's done.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
So Friday, March 3, I filed for divorce. I did not realize that my state has a 2 month cooling off period, so this Friday will be the end of the first month. (I know im an attorney, but I dont do family law).
The first week after filing, I took her calls, and really hoped for reconciliation. However, her calls have become fewer and far between. Funny how she says its all my fault for ruining everything by filing. She hasn't once turned back towards the marriage. She talks about trying to get back together, but her actions say otherwise.
When she tries to contact me it is during the week, so I assume she must still be having her fun with om2 (of course she denies).
One of the times I talked with her, I told her that I heard her talk to om2, and she said to him that she talked to her friend about if she could see a ltr with him, and "the sex". To me that implies they are having sex (I cant remember if I posted this before sorry if I have). She then asked if she hadn't scared him off yet.
She said to me she doesnt remember calling him and saying the first two things. I pointed out that he called her. She said the scaring off part was about his "friendship". Another thing I cant remember if i shared was I found a card he wrote to her. When I brought that up, she said it wasnt a valentines day card, I said I didnt say anything about valentines day. She said she received on VD. I asked her if she did not think that was inappropriate. She said she did and she had a talk with him. I said it is funny that she has to keep having talks with these new "friends" about crossing inappropriate lines with her. She was like, it is weird. As a last little jab, I through out maybe they aren't the problem, maybe it is the things you do an say to them. She didnt pick up on what i was throwing.
I am pretty content, ready to start a new life. I probably have 2-4 months until it is final. I feel that it is the correct decision. When I told her she barely cried, which is the opposite of what she has told me. I have some friends (they use to be mutual, but she hasnt talked to them in a while) and when she called to tell the wife I filed, she didnt cry at all which the wife thought was really weird.
We had one reconciliation talk, that first week, I told her I needed the following:
no contact with either om; full disclosure and transparency; talk about it as much as I want to; change of phone numbers; no going out with female friend also having an affair; must find new job.
She of course will not comply with the last two, and would have no way to confirm full disclosure or no contact 100%. So I keep moving forward with divorce. The friends wife mentioned above, her mom goes to the salon, and when she went in said stbx only talked about how they were trying to make sure i didnt get 50% equity from house. Her stylist then told her how stbx was having full blown affair, and had shunned her when she had an ea. So again, think I am making correct choice.
I will try to keep you all updated.
Me:33, WW:30 BD:12/14/16, EA no children Still together
I admire your strength and resilience! This is difficult and painful stuff. It also takes a long time--if you R or even to navigate D. Take care of yourself; this level of betrayal is traumatic. Please keep us posted!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
I will say GAL helped me reach the point that I am at. While DB ultimately didn't save my marriage (it might have, there are just certain things I will not tolerate), it definitely saved myself. Which so many people echo on here.
I am so thankful I found the site and the books. While I was emotional at the beginning of the divorce process, I have become stronger. I think if I would have never had these resources, I would still be plugging along, until ultimately she left me for om2, and I would be an emotional wreck.
At Dday, and really until i started to focus on myself (GAL), my work was suffering because all I could think about was stbx and ea, and that she was probably having a PA (which she still tries to deny).
I will keep you all updated as it goes along.
Me:33, WW:30 BD:12/14/16, EA no children Still together
