Ex wife has met someone else

[Dawgs]

its kinda not there fault its all connected to there child hood,

Those who have suffered severe childhood abuse react to things much differently than those who didn't. Some go into a "survival" mode and do what they have done since childhood. Some run. Some fight. Some lash out when previously "it wasn't their nature."

I'm not saying that those have to be treated with kid gloves, either - as they shouldn't. They are adults and excuses shouldn't be made. However, some are so damaged that no matter if kid gloves are used or not it wouldn't have made a difference. In their minds, we are abusing them again...just in another form.

Even though I know I would have reacted differently had I known things, I will not ever make excuses for her behavior. And neither should they.

[excile101]

This last week may have been the wake up call I have been needing for over a year now. I have so far ignored much of the advice given to me especially by sandi2, hoping that my ex was somehow different.
This week I was working out of town and although it was my weekend to have the kids, I said that I could be late picking them up by 5pm. She told me that she tickets for something and she was seeing the new guy. I apologized but said I'll do my best. She then started a vile torrent of manipulating abuse like I had never heard. She told me that if I didn't get back, her and the new guy would be putting the kids to bed together and seeing that they couldn't go out, she would have no alternative but to take the relationship to the next level and have a cosy night in of adult time. She then said that the new guy was willing to step up and be a dad to my girls if I continued to avoid my responsibilities as a father!

Then came the next phase, saying that she was going to sell all my belongings in the attic and seek more child maintenance from me.

I was so shocked. This is the woman that I have wrongfully kept in high regard and supported her all these years only to be shut out of her life and then treated in such a disgusting manner.

If she wants to sleep with this man, she will do it anyway. She does exactly what she wants and It's not my business anymore. She didn't go out in the end anyway, it was just a lie to control me.

I've had enough now. This woman is sub human and I feel like a complete sucker. I will start getting my affairs in order from Monday to cut off any easy blackmailing opportunities.

I want to go no contact with her but I don't want to alienate any information she may have about the kids. If I had my way, I would never see her again.

The problem now is, that the kids have been telling me that their mom doesn't play with them anymore. She leaves them to their own devices for much of the time and is constantly messaging her new boyfriend. She is so one track minded. Once she pursues something, everything else comes last. I wish I had the energy for revenge but I just want to get away now for my own sanity.

[excile101]

I need some advice.

I am trying to be sensible here as I am having more and more issues with the ex wife.

It seems that anything I say is being manipulated and have to deal with increasing aggressive interactions with her.

I don't speak to her about anything other than the children. I have tried to reason and even showed concern for her well being but she just barks at me and says it's none of my business.

I went to see the children do their gymnastics class yesterday afternoon. I always try and go when I can. This time, I was confronted by my ex, saying that I need to tell her if I am going to turn up as it's her place of work (she is the manager of the center) She wasn't working at the time. She found it appropriate to shout at me in front of the girls and made me feel like a criminal for wanting to see them.

I have tried to be reasonable and friendly and just seem to be greeted with increasing hostility. It's almost as if she is either being forced by her new man to push me away or it doesn't suit her for me to be in her life anymore. It feels like it would be easier for her if I just left town so she doesn't have to worry about the past.

Should I just stop all contact now? We are divorced but feel that although we had an amicable separation, the real issues are just starting to appear for no real reason.

What could be happening here?

[Dawgs]

I went to see the children do their gymnastics class yesterday afternoon. I always try and go when I can. This time, I was confronted by my ex, saying that I need to tell her if I am going to turn up as it's her place of work (she is the manager of the center) She wasn't working at the time. She found it appropriate to shout at me in front of the girls and made me feel like a criminal for wanting to see them.

What is your custody situation? First of all, unless court ordered to stay away, you have every right to be there to see your kids. EVERY RIGHT. Doesn't matter if its her place of work or not. The bigger question is what is she hiding? Do you feel as if she is involved in some sort of parental alienation?

Should I just stop all contact now? We are divorced but feel that although we had an amicable separation, the real issues are just starting to appear for no real reason.

What could be happening here?

She very well may be pushed by the OM, but it doesn't matter. Document everything. The only thing you can do is just not talk to her, except about the kids. That's all.

Now, if you haven't had any negatives regarding custody, get a copy of the practice schedule and say I'll be here every single one that I can. Don't sit hear her. Don't talk unless necessary. Something isn't right and I feel it may show its head sooner or later. Just be the best you can and the best Dad you can, period.

[excile101]

That is my concern. There is something she isn't telling me. She is very defensive and does not divulge any information about her life and hardly tells me anything about the kids. I don't even know what is happening at school.

She has always been secretive with an ability to twist everything round to make you feel like you're either a liar or going crazy. I think they call it gas lighting.

I cannot be sure if the OM is influencing her. I'm sure he doesn't want me in the picture but I think it's her way of pushing me out of her life as I'm not needed anymore.

I am in the process of removing all my belongings from the house and preparing to safe guard my assets. She emotionally blackmails me when she can and knows that I could give her notice to move out of the house at any time.

I just need to be careful as the woman I used to know has long gone.

What dangers should I be aware of when dealing with this sort of narcissist?

[Dawgs]

That is my concern. There is something she isn't telling me. She is very defensive and does not divulge any information about her life and hardly tells me anything about the kids. I don't even know what is happening at school.

Something isn't right here. Not at all. How is it you don't know what's happening at school. What is the custody situation? You, as a Dad, have every right to that info. I'd talk to your lawyer pronto.

She has always been secretive with an ability to twist everything round to make you feel like you're either a liar or going crazy. I think they call it gas lighting.

Mine is the same way. She's so good at it she even had me believing it. Haha.

She emotionally blackmails me when she can and knows that I could give her notice to move out of the house at any time.

Why is she living there, then? They emotionally blackmail because they know they can pull your strings...as soon as you cut them, it stops.

What dangers should I be aware of when dealing with this sort of narcissist?

Document, document, document. My ex-SIL give the term narcissist its true definition. No matter what you do, it will always be a fight. No way around it, unless you agree with them, that is.