Thanks Roist and Job. I can't express how much I appreciate your feedback and input. Job, I just thought it was too soon for all this as he is still deep in replay?
It's funny, when I saw the poem he emailed, I thought: now THIS you should text.
Roist, had I picked up the message earlier I would have followed through on your great advice to ask him about what the poem means to him. Unfortunately, I missed that boat.
Job, I agree that I am too close to the situation to see the small changes. In fact, they are so small, they are just like when he started w/the denial and anger: lots of tiny dots, too sporadic to connect.
So, I did explain to him face-to-face that I missed the email as I don't check that account often. I apologized. He truly reacted like a scorned teen. He downplayed/wanted desperately to change the subject. I don't blame him. (It is unfortunate it happened that way.) He told me it was for posterity--for the kids. And then said: so they could read it when he was dead. But then he said he is not dead yet. (I know it was for me and he was too hurt to admit it.)
Some other small changes: he almost always "sees" the kids now. He has moments where he is an adult. Sometimes he shows glimpses of depth and wisdom vs. the selfishness and superficiality that were ever present.
Job - I like your advice of approaching him about the music. I am thinking about ways to do that. However; I am hoping to hold out until after family visits. I just don't want to add any stress to him whatsoever. Honestly, I am a bit stressed about the visit myself. I think it's all a trigger for the paranoia that started when family visited last year.
Speaking of which, he still locks his door all the time: when he showers in the hall bathroom, when he goes to get the mail, when he goes to the garage, etc. I think if he can stop doing that he will have rounded a significant turning point in this mess that is his life.
As for me? I am well. I am working hard, both in and outside the home. I listen to a lot of podcasts these days. I continue to walk a lot, eat well and look for the humor in things.
Happy Easter weekend to all!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Last edited by job; 04/14/1703:13 PM. Reason: Added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
