Thanks for stopping by. Well, it's 0620 here in the UK and I've been awake since 0500. I didn't go to bed 'til 2245 and couldn't get to sleep for a while - guess showing her the door got my in'ards in a twist!
I have tried the meeting her at the door before, the last time she tried the 'I'm not bringing them trick' and that started a whole evening of text messages from her. Of course, that's all part of the game, because as soon as I started replying to her texts, telling her some of the things she was saying were good ideas (about S), she then stopped - she'd worked out that I was putty in her hands again.
Will look again in to mediation, and if that doesn't work, then I'll have to go legal.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
As for my S. My W makes appointments, then tells me after she's been. Yep, probably going to have to go legal on that one as well. My theory is about him missing me and not wanting to leave, or see us apart, and he's playing up accordingly.
It took me a very long time to get my ExW to understand and adhere to my boundaries. A very long time. All you can do is state them, then quietly insist they are respected.
Stop the text marathons. Don't argue or fight. These are the things that lets her know you are still attached. Treat her like you would treat a work college. Polite and respectful but nothing more.
When it comes to your S and his appointments simply ask that next time you would like to know in advance so that if necessary you can make plans to attend. If you can't attend then you can follow up with a call. But only if you know in advance. Trust me after a few times of stating your boundary she will begin to understand.
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Will look again in to mediation, and if that doesn't work, then I'll have to go legal.
You can go to mediation on your own. She doesn't need to be there in the beginning and if you do it'll at least end this horrid status quo you are in.
Peace.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
We all know what the definition of insanity is right? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same result. You really feel as if you might "nice" her in to softening up, changing her behavior and coming back. Yeah, I thought that too. I get it. My crazy self in the beginning cooked meals for my ex which he was probably just sharing with his OW!!!
Why did you move her into her flat?
I would most certainly legalize your arrangement. Legalizing it doesn't make it the end. But you need to protect yourself and your kids.
Please start a new thread and link this one to the new one. Since I'm locking this one, I'll link your new thread here for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
