Cadet, what you said about fantasy I find interesting. I've thought and even told her before D-day that i, our relationship, couldn't withstand some fantasy she had in her head. It would die because it would never compare. I stopped DB because it looked like she snapped out of the fog and was my wife again. So I assumed everything would get better.
1. It seems as if there have been numerous on again/off again PAs and EAs...and each time you make up and things go back to "normal"...you said you tried counseling the first time around, but you stopped...have you guys ever addressed the underlying issues? I applaud you that you guys keep getting back together...but seems like there is a lot that is unresolved...
2. When your W says she wants to get off more...are you taking that seriously? How is your sex life? Does she usually get off? Do you know how to please her? Or are you the only one who gets off and then she is left wanting? Who initiates? Did your sex life change after the baby? Did your depression affect your libido/sexual health?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Gordie, I'm guessing that no the underlying problem has never been addressed. I'm determined to "get answers" through counseling.
The sex thing. Yes I believe her and it's concerning. She seemed pleased on the past. But she says now that she wasn't. I'm trying to take that auth a grain of salt because of the whole, believe nothing she says and half of what she does. I've always been the initiator until last year. She initiated more, I guess because of EA. Because now that it's over, it's back to me begging and getting turned down quite a bit. Depression did affect that area greatly. Now that I've come out of that I've desired her more and more where I had all but lost it during depression
She's at that point, and I kinda remember this from first time, of anger, shame/guilt, gaslighting, acting like her EA was no big deal because it was fantasy, blaming me saying this wouldn't have happened if I gave her more attention, etc. Lots of anger though. I don't remember it like that. Still spends a lot of time alone, but it's at home in an area where I'm, we'll 90% sure, she's not contacting OM because you can't get a signal there. So I just really don't know what's going on
Ok another question. Is there such a thing as guilt projection? Like she's brought up stuff I did from 9 years ago, i.e. drinking, that I don't do anymore. Is she trying to justify or Make herself feel better by bringing up things from the past?
