WAW - Typical Script?

[coffee_]

Last night i went out and GAL. It was a lot of fun. I did not realize how out of touch i have been with socializing. Talked to W about 50/50 with kids. W did not really fight it much, at least she did not seem upset about it.

It makes me think....maybe W and I are just moving on into separate lives permanently. I feel like it might be too little too late at this point.

I would say just because she didn't put up a fight that its only because her head is in the clouds and doesn't yet forsee the full ramification of her choices and the intensity of this situation. That is exactly what happened to me. She was cool with whatever, but now she is seeing how it is hurting the kid and she also doesn't get to see him as much.

[Cristy]

I'm not sure how I feel about moving on yet. I'm still kind of grieving the loss of the original MR. I know I do need to work on myself so I can be a better dad, person, friend, etc. Right now, I am almost D my 'old' self.

Part of me wants to continue LRT, but the other feels like I should just be on a friendly basis (initiating conversation, etc). Maybe i'm not being patient enough.......again, i do realize these are for me not to get her back.

Hello Covert,

Focusing your time, effort and energy into being the best Covert and Dad is always a good idea. There is a difference between moving on and moving forward.

You are so smart to recognize that these changes are for you and your kids, not to get her attention or get her back.

Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[Teppo]

Sandi2 - Yes, cake eating is a worry and was what brought on the guidelines as part of the separation because originally I had kids 90% of the time. I come up with these. This includes 50/50 with kids, helping out with pets, dating allowed (kids will not be exposed to any 3rd party), following our budget, etc. I think she was surprised that I come up with these and put my foot down, but she agreed to them. I have to make the situation more like a real D if that is what she wants to experience during this S.

Right now, she will stay @ the house to help put kids to bed. If I need GAL time after that, she stays here while kids are asleep. When i get home, she leaves. She helps with basic 'chores' around the house and obviously with the kids. Do you have any input or cake eating concerns?

You can dictate, discuss, and put your foot down about the guidelines in the S, but unless there is a legal agreement that covers it..........you are wasting your breath. She is going to date and sleep with OM. It makes no difference what ground rules you give, she is going to do whatever she wants. That's her reason for a S. unless you have legal leverage, I don't think you can prevent her from having OM around your children. If you can prove they are molesters, or whatever.........but you really have very little, if any, control about what she does outside of your home.

I don't believe S will work in your favor as long as she enjoys the benefits that came with the M to you......and enjoy the single life, too. How realistic is it for a S/D couple to eat dinner and put the kids to bed every night? Yum, yum......good cake!

How realistic is it to think she will happily sit in your house with the kids, while you are out there doing whatever you choose to do? As long as she knows all the details of your GAL and she is assured you are "safe", then she won't care so much. However, if she thinks you are acting a little mysterious.......maybe even a little happy to be going out......while she is watching the kids.........you can bet she is going to start flooding you with questions.

Here is the craziness about a WW. She wants the freedom to date and whatever else. But she doesn't want to give up family times, the H's availability, or her position as the No. 1 woman in his life. As long as he is groveling for her, she knows she has him. But if he seems to no longer be as interested in her, especially as a woman...........it grabs her focus real quick. She is okay being the one who dumps him, breaks his heart, etc. But in her twisted mindset, she thinks he will never want anyone but her. Even if she puts on a mask and pretends, she still doesn't want another woman filling her position in his life.

I am not telling you to start dating to make her jealous, etc. I am telling you that she wants to keep you safely tucked away as her Plan B. If her Plan A should fail, or she crashes and burns.........there is always good ole hubby who would be thrilled for her to go back to him. That type of mindset can be interrupted when she sees she is losing her H. You may think, "Isn't that what she wants"? No, she wants privacy and freedom. Somehow, most WW's don't grasp the reality of losing the H, even when she claims she wants a D. She is so focused on herself that she doesn't consider it, truly. (Of course, there are some cases where so much hatred has stirred the fires, that she wouldn't care what happened to him). I know this must sound looney tunes, but it applies to the majority of cases I have read. When she recognizes her H's focus is not desperately holding on to her and begging her not to D him..........she looks to see why she's no longer the center of his universe. (Crazy, I know). A woman can tell when a man is no longer interested in her as a woman. She can feel when he lets go of the emotional rope. Strangely enough, it draws her toward him.

You see, most guys come here are scared to death their WW may think he no longer cares. Which is funny, b/c that is his ticket and he is afraid to use it. I'm not talking about anger, coldness, ignoring or avoiding. Those things she can fight. But when you calmly let go and stop trying to control what she does........how does she fight that?

Sandi2 - Yes, cake eating is a worry and was what brought on the guidelines as part of the separation because originally I had kids 90% of the time. I come up with these. This includes 50/50 with kids, helping out with pets, dating allowed (kids will not be exposed to any 3rd party), following our budget, etc. I think she was surprised that I come up with these and put my foot down, but she agreed to them. I have to make the situation more like a real D if that is what she wants to experience during this S.

Right now, she will stay @ the house to help put kids to bed. If I need GAL time after that, she stays here while kids are asleep. When i get home, she leaves. She helps with basic 'chores' around the house and obviously with the kids. Do you have any input or cake eating concerns?

You can dictate, discuss, and put your foot down about the guidelines in the S, but unless there is a legal agreement that covers it..........you are wasting your breath. She is going to date and sleep with OM. It makes no difference what ground rules you give, she is going to do whatever she wants. That's her reason for a S. unless you have legal leverage, I don't think you can prevent her from having OM around your children. If you can prove they are molesters, or whatever.........but you really have very little, if any, control about what she does outside of your home.

I don't believe S will work in your favor as long as she enjoys the benefits that came with the M to you......and enjoy the single life, too. How realistic is it for a S/D couple to eat dinner and put the kids to bed every night? Yum, yum......good cake!

How realistic is it to think she will happily sit in your house with the kids, while you are out there doing whatever you choose to do? As long as she knows all the details of your GAL and she is assured you are "safe", then she won't care so much. However, if she thinks you are acting a little mysterious.......maybe even a little happy to be going out......while she is watching the kids.........you can bet she is going to start flooding you with questions.

Here is the craziness about a WW. She wants the freedom to date and whatever else. But she doesn't want to give up family times, the H's availability, or her position as the No. 1 woman in his life. As long as he is groveling for her, she knows she has him. But if he seems to no longer be as interested in her, especially as a woman...........it grabs her focus real quick. She is okay being the one who dumps him, breaks his heart, etc. But in her twisted mindset, she thinks he will never want anyone but her. Even if she puts on a mask and pretends, she still doesn't want another woman filling her position in his life.

I am not telling you to start dating to make her jealous, etc. I am telling you that she wants to keep you safely tucked away as her Plan B. If her Plan A should fail, or she crashes and burns.........there is always good ole hubby who would be thrilled for her to go back to him. That type of mindset can be interrupted when she sees she is losing her H. You may think, "Isn't that what she wants"? No, she wants privacy and freedom. Somehow, most WW's don't grasp the reality of losing the H, even when she claims she wants a D. She is so focused on herself that she doesn't consider it, truly. (Of course, there are some cases where so much hatred has stirred the fires, that she wouldn't care what happened to him). I know this must sound looney tunes, but it applies to the majority of cases I have read. When she recognizes her H's focus is not desperately holding on to her and begging her not to D him..........she looks to see why she's no longer the center of his universe. (Crazy, I know). A woman can tell when a man is no longer interested in her as a woman. She can feel when he lets go of the emotional rope. Strangely enough, it draws her toward him.

You see, most guys come here are scared to death their WW may think he no longer cares. Which is funny, b/c that is his ticket and he is afraid to use it. I'm not talking about anger, coldness, ignoring or avoiding. Those things she can fight. But when you calmly let go and stop trying to control what she does........how does she fight that?

Sandi2 - Yes, cake eating is a worry and was what brought on the guidelines as part of the separation because originally I had kids 90% of the time. I come up with these. This includes 50/50 with kids, helping out with pets, dating allowed (kids will not be exposed to any 3rd party), following our budget, etc. I think she was surprised that I come up with these and put my foot down, but she agreed to them. I have to make the situation more like a real D if that is what she wants to experience during this S.

Right now, she will stay @ the house to help put kids to bed. If I need GAL time after that, she stays here while kids are asleep. When i get home, she leaves. She helps with basic 'chores' around the house and obviously with the kids. Do you have any input or cake eating concerns?

You can dictate, discuss, and put your foot down about the guidelines in the S, but unless there is a legal agreement that covers it..........you are wasting your breath. She is going to date and sleep with OM. It makes no difference what ground rules you give, she is going to do whatever she wants. That's her reason for a S. unless you have legal leverage, I don't think you can prevent her from having OM around your children. If you can prove they are molesters, or whatever.........but you really have very little, if any, control about what she does outside of your home.

I don't believe S will work in your favor as long as she enjoys the benefits that came with the M to you......and enjoy the single life, too. How realistic is it for a S/D couple to eat dinner and put the kids to bed every night? Yum, yum......good cake!

How realistic is it to think she will happily sit in your house with the kids, while you are out there doing whatever you choose to do? As long as she knows all the details of your GAL and she is assured you are "safe", then she won't care so much. However, if she thinks you are acting a little mysterious.......maybe even a little happy to be going out......while she is watching the kids.........you can bet she is going to start flooding you with questions.

Here is the craziness about a WW. She wants the freedom to date and whatever else. But she doesn't want to give up family times, the H's availability, or her position as the No. 1 woman in his life. As long as he is groveling for her, she knows she has him. But if he seems to no longer be as interested in her, especially as a woman...........it grabs her focus real quick. She is okay being the one who dumps him, breaks his heart, etc. But in her twisted mindset, she thinks he will never want anyone but her. Even if she puts on a mask and pretends, she still doesn't want another woman filling her position in his life.

I am not telling you to start dating to make her jealous, etc. I am telling you that she wants to keep you safely tucked away as her Plan B. If her Plan A should fail, or she crashes and burns.........there is always good ole hubby who would be thrilled for her to go back to him. That type of mindset can be interrupted when she sees she is losing her H. You may think, "Isn't that what she wants"? No, she wants privacy and freedom. Somehow, most WW's don't grasp the reality of losing the H, even when she claims she wants a D. She is so focused on herself that she doesn't consider it, truly. (Of course, there are some cases where so much hatred has stirred the fires, that she wouldn't care what happened to him). I know this must sound looney tunes, but it applies to the majority of cases I have read. When she recognizes her H's focus is not desperately holding on to her and begging her not to D him..........she looks to see why she's no longer the center of his universe. (Crazy, I know). A woman can tell when a man is no longer interested in her as a woman. She can feel when he lets go of the emotional rope. Strangely enough, it draws her toward him.

You see, most guys come here are scared to death their WW may think he no longer cares. Which is funny, b/c that is his ticket and he is afraid to use it. I'm not talking about anger, coldness, ignoring or avoiding. Those things she can fight. But when you calmly let go and stop trying to control what she does........how does she fight that?

Sandi2 - Yes, cake eating is a worry and was what brought on the guidelines as part of the separation because originally I had kids 90% of the time. I come up with these. This includes 50/50 with kids, helping out with pets, dating allowed (kids will not be exposed to any 3rd party), following our budget, etc. I think she was surprised that I come up with these and put my foot down, but she agreed to them. I have to make the situation more like a real D if that is what she wants to experience during this S.

Right now, she will stay @ the house to help put kids to bed. If I need GAL time after that, she stays here while kids are asleep. When i get home, she leaves. She helps with basic 'chores' around the house and obviously with the kids. Do you have any input or cake eating concerns?

You can dictate, discuss, and put your foot down about the guidelines in the S, but unless there is a legal agreement that covers it..........you are wasting your breath. She is going to date and sleep with OM. It makes no difference what ground rules you give, she is going to do whatever she wants. That's her reason for a S. unless you have legal leverage, I don't think you can prevent her from having OM around your children. If you can prove they are molesters, or whatever.........but you really have very little, if any, control about what she does outside of your home.

I don't believe S will work in your favor as long as she enjoys the benefits that came with the M to you......and enjoy the single life, too. How realistic is it for a S/D couple to eat dinner and put the kids to bed every night? Yum, yum......good cake!

How realistic is it to think she will happily sit in your house with the kids, while you are out there doing whatever you choose to do? As long as she knows all the details of your GAL and she is assured you are "safe", then she won't care so much. However, if she thinks you are acting a little mysterious.......maybe even a little happy to be going out......while she is watching the kids.........you can bet she is going to start flooding you with questions.

Here is the craziness about a WW. She wants the freedom to date and whatever else. But she doesn't want to give up family times, the H's availability, or her position as the No. 1 woman in his life. As long as he is groveling for her, she knows she has him. But if he seems to no longer be as interested in her, especially as a woman...........it grabs her focus real quick. She is okay being the one who dumps him, breaks his heart, etc. But in her twisted mindset, she thinks he will never want anyone but her. Even if she puts on a mask and pretends, she still doesn't want another woman filling her position in his life.

I am not telling you to start dating to make her jealous, etc. I am telling you that she wants to keep you safely tucked away as her Plan B. If her Plan A should fail, or she crashes and burns.........there is always good ole hubby who would be thrilled for her to go back to him. That type of mindset can be interrupted when she sees she is losing her H. You may think, "Isn't that what she wants"? No, she wants privacy and freedom. Somehow, most WW's don't grasp the reality of losing the H, even when she claims she wants a D. She is so focused on herself that she doesn't consider it, truly. (Of course, there are some cases where so much hatred has stirred the fires, that she wouldn't care what happened to him). I know this must sound looney tunes, but it applies to the majority of cases I have read. When she recognizes her H's focus is not desperately holding on to her and begging her not to D him..........she looks to see why she's no longer the center of his universe. (Crazy, I know). A woman can tell when a man is no longer interested in her as a woman. She can feel when he lets go of the emotional rope. Strangely enough, it draws her toward him.

You see, most guys come here are scared to death their WW may think he no longer cares. Which is funny, b/c that is his ticket and he is afraid to use it. I'm not talking about anger, coldness, ignoring or avoiding. Those things she can fight. But when you calmly let go and stop trying to control what she does........how does she fight that?

Not to hijack this thread, but I tried this Sandi and it didn't work for me. My W never asked about my GAL activities during the three months of my detaching. She's deadset on D and filed last week.