FG, I What I've learned since is that there may have not been much of a M to save when the BD happened. So now I've got a stipulation on my goal of saving my M. My M is only worth saving if we can actually fix the issues that have been going on for awhile. I'm unwilling to go back to a M that was like the one pre-BD for the past 3 years. It's not fun and it's not something I have to do. I want to be happy and I want a partner who wants to share and enjoy life with me. Sounds silly to say but that's it at it's most basic.
lt - I struggled with this too and came to the same conclusion back in December, but try not to look at the last 3 years, you've been together for 13 years - have you had happiness at all?
I've recently started spending more time with my W after a turning point and I can honestly say I'm really enjoying the connection and time we have together. Am I scared about going back? absolutely - but I think we both are and are both willing to work towards a better, happier M with open comms.
I realise this may not help you detach much, which I do see as an important step in the process. But helping you recognize what worked and what didn't in your M will set you up for future success whatever that might be.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
