FG -- Thanks for asking, but nothing to report, really. Amicable roommates right now seems to be the status quo. W has seemed to relax some since we had our "we're going to divorce this summer" conversation, so there's not the same level of simmering anger I was experiencing previously, which helps keep things calm(er). I have some honestly pretty darn good moments here and there punctuated with some still really bad ones (e.g., imagining her with my replacement(s), getting preoccupied with not being attractive to her and the rejection inherent in that, seeing my kids (especially S10) already struggling and being fearful of what's coming, etc.). It's not nearly as bad as it was, though, so that's something to be very grateful for.
Still GALing. Still actually DBing as much as possible. Not really thinking in terms of it helping with R but more for me to continue trying to detach and continue to build emotional strength. She's going to have to file fairly soon if she wants to stay on schedule and have the divorce be final in early summer, since we have a mandatory "cooling off" period of 90 days here between filing and the earliest date on which an uncontested divorce can be granted. That will be rough, I think, seeing it in black and white for the first time when I get served.
In hindsight,the moment she hired the divorce coach was the beginning of the end. I never did get any momentum going away from divorce after that happened. I think it (divorce busted) was never going to happen with an in-house separation, though -- just would have taken (even) longer to get where we are right now.
How are you? I know you were going to reject your W's proposed divorce-then-live-together-for-a-year proposal but haven't been around as much to follow up and see where things have gone with your sitch since. I hope things are as good as possible.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
Her spiritual path is to learn to feel and experience gratitude and to realize/understand/believe that happiness is inside her, not an outside agency that is delivered to her.
W actually said almost this exact same thing to me after BD...re why ending our M is not the disaster/nightmare that I think it is...that it is a growing opportunity...and that we can and will both grow and be happier...
Last edited by Cadet; 01/10/1709:38 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
JR-- You said your S10 is already feeling anxious. I didn't think you already had a talk w/ your kids about the impending divorce. Did you? If so, how did you do it? How did it go? Or maybe your kids just gather/sense what's going on, w/o you guys having had an explicit talk? This is the part I dread the most. Heartbreak. I do believe they will be able to cope, but I think it will weigh on them heavily for a while.
Is anything holding up your W from filing? I presume that, since she's a lawyer, she's comfortable w/ all the logistics of it all. Further, I presume she'd have no trouble w/ the logistics of being a divorced Mom. Do you think she'll have any difficulty running a house by herself?
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
W actually said almost this exact same thing to me
Gordie, I believe JRuss's wife did NOT say that. She DOESN'T realize that that is her problem. She believes her happiness is out there somewhere, in Divorceyland.
But ... it's curious, Gordie, that your W would say that, but is looking for happiness outside herself...!!! (I guess MLC/Waywards are irrational).
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
