Unless I missed it, SBJ doesn't even know if there is an OM. To me, it makes a big difference.
No one here is suggesting to bake cakes.
DB is about doing what works to save the M, which is what we all came here to do. Re-read the DR chapter on MLC to see how Michele recommends moving forward in these situations. It won't be easy, but neither is D.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Guys thanks for everything you have all said. I agree that I want to save my M, but it is very evident that I'm going to have to do it from separate locations. She is moving out this weekend. She is taking no furniture from our home. She is only taking her clothing and her personal stuff. Her mother (The Enabler) has purchased beds and a couch for her condo.
I haven't been served with the D papers yet, but she told me they should be soon.
No I know of what I saw as an EA, but Shea's claimed that that was over in July. Not sure if there is an OM waiting, but I guess we will see soon enough.
It is time for me to become all that I can befor me and my kids...if she sees it and likes it then we can cross that bridge later. What was said earlier about my previous wife is gone is seeming more and more obvious. She is my wife and I love her, but at this point she'd have to make some serious strides to come back to a loving M. She is all but checked out right now and I guess in search of something she thinks I cannot supply. My goal is to show her that I am the PRIZE.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
I agree that I want to save my M, but it is very evident that I'm going to have to do it from separate locations.
SO – In one hand it may be easier to do it this way than in being in the same house. DB101 – Change how you look at things. If you continue to look at this as a negative then it will be.
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It is time for me to become all that I can be for me and my kids...if she sees it and likes it then we can cross that bridge later.
Best quote I have seen from you in a while. You becoming the best YOU should be the GOAL. If that results in her coming back – well then whopdedamdo – if she does not return – her lose, as YOU would have become the best man you can be which is a WIN WIN either way you look at it.
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She is my wife and I love her, but at this point she'd have to make some serious strides to come back to a loving M.
IMO, chances are YOU both need to make some serious changes. For now, you focus on YOURS and let her focus on hers.
Boundaries are a funny thing at this stage in the process – YOU can create boundaries that are used to “show her”, “get her to see that I am not kidding”, “make her feel what this is going to do” OR
You create boundaries that are “allow me to avoid the emotional roller coaster ride”, “give me the space that I need to work on ME”, etc.
See the difference?
Ultimately, YOU decide which boundaries to implement.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
