When the spew begins, just take a step back (figuratively) and validate.
I think if shes treating you like garbage then there is no reason to validate. Id instead recommend to back away from the conversation and resume it later when she can talk to you adult to adult.
it was a phone call and every time she raised her voice I threatened to end the call. I had my say to. This was not a one sided conversation believe me.
I thing for the last 9 weeks my actions have been geared towards what could get her back. Now my actions will be geared towards whats best for me and my S.
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
Fair point Darkness - and maybe this is exactly what I should have done.
The conversation was the most communication that we'd had for weeks and I felt that the content was important enough to power through the shouting and disrespect.
I've made my position very clear now and as mentioned above, told her that I no longer want her back. I don't know how much I believe this, but I certainly meant it at the time (my head is thinking one thing and my heart feels another).
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
I'm struggling this morning with the loss of the physical relationship. This was always a big thing for me (possibly more so than my W), but we had a good sex life.
I've struggled for so long with the emotional side of loss, but suddenly now the loss of the physical R seems to be a big loss.
Is it normal that these feelings would come later than the feelings for emotions?...
Any advice would be greatly appreciated ladies and gents.
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
I've made my position very clear now and as mentioned above, told her that I no longer want her back. I don't know how much I believe this, but I certainly meant it at the time (my head is thinking one thing and my heart feels another).
Ugh....why say this kind of thing? If you cant commit to it 100% even here, then what good is saying it to her?
Your sitch is still so new. Focus on detaching and you...not on her. What you want will be revealed over time.
As for your other post, stop worrying about 'normalcy'. You seem to ask that a lot. It is what is is for you. Every situation is unique in some ways. And your feelings are what they are.
For me, I had really only sexually been with my ex, and for a few months after separating, I had a fairly low libido. Part of it was GALing as much as possible and wearing myself out, Im sure. In any case, when I first starting being intimate with my new partner, I had some amount of trouble for a week or so, but then things came back fine after that.
I think that the comment came out based on anger tbh. There is a part of me (head) that doesn't want her back in her current situation. Then there's my heart that would have her back in any situation!
My councilor has stated that this is the beginning of acceptance but there will be an internal battle between the mind and heart for quite a while.
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
So tonight the W went to view a new house (she's been staying at her moms for the last 10 weeks).
Oh how it hurts to hear her how she's moving forward.
To me it seems like a further nail in the coffin that is our marriage.
I understand that she can't remain in a bedroom at her moms and it'll be nice for my son to have more space. The W will certainly notice a difference being in her own house and having her own space - without her moms help. I highly doubt that this will bring reflection for her.
Wouldn't it be so much easier to just be able to turn these feelings off!
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
