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Hi Shell, I'm sorry for your situation. It sounds as though things were strained and you had some difficult circumstances. I can see why Mr Bond questioned whether this was MLC - although as you say - there have been some signs. In truth, none of us really know exactly what is going on - but DB techniques hold water whichever way.

As Peacetoday has posted - it may well be worth you giving serious consideration as to whether you want to try and save this R. It doesn't sound as though the circumstances were easy for you. FWIW, I think our own codependent ways can keep us tied into situations that aren't healthy for us and it may be worth exploring this. I found Codependent no more a really worthwhile read and it is often recommended on the forum here.

Do keep posting and good luck with whatever you decide smile


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Shell66 Offline OP
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Thanks peace today for understanding on how hard it is to let go. I know the situation was very unhealthy especially for myself & kids. Thank God my girls do not have issues w\ me b\c of it. I look at all the damage to my home & think what were you thinking? I wanted a family & I wanted to love & be loved I didn't want to raise my girls on my own b\c there own dad walked out on them. I guess I didn't think much of myself or think I could do any better than this or deserve better! I know I am a good person & put up w\ a lot of nonsense. & shame on me for doing so!! B\c what I feared the most happened anyway & xbf sees me as the problem not his son maybe 1 day he will realize his son needs more help than he currently thinks but I fear by that time it will be too late & someone will be seriously hurt or even killed! Xbf doesn't likje conflict & that's why son is allowed to do as he pleases. Itbreally made me angry after last time he tried to go after me that the very next day w\out me knowing or anything that xbf mother drove son to my house & allowed him to go in & get his gaming system I shouldn't have been surprised that this was allowed b\c never any repercussions for his actions & when I said something to x he didn't say a word. It was just completely wrong to me it was like saying well even tho you went ballistic on shell its OK! This child has an evil look to him all the time & seems dark to me. I am glad he is no longer here but I love his dad & unfortunately I realize nothing will change b\c in the 8 years we together nothing was done. I feel so dumb loving a person like this I often wonder what is wrong w\ me?? I am praying constantly & trying to let go but it is very difficult. I have not texted called or emailed x for 6 days. I do not think it bothers him at all or that he cares.

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Just a suggestion. It would make it easier for us to be able to read your posts if you broke them up into paragraphs.

With the issue with his son with behavioral problems, I'm pretty sure that had a big part to play and not an MLC. The working out could just be because he's getting older and wants to take care of his health.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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I guess I really have no need to post here anymore due to the fact Relationship is definitely over & at this point I don't have any desire to try anymore.

I sent him via email bills for damage that son had diud @ my home & he was really being an @ss about it & seems like he don't want to pay it! He really turned my stomach today b\c he acts as if I am trying to get more $$ I sent him the contactor's bill. I would never try to to screw anyone over. I am a very honest person & 1 would think he woulkd know this due to the fact we were together so long.

My brother also saw him & said hello to him & xbf totally ignored him as if he wasn't there. So it just goes to say what kind of character he has my brother had nothing to do w\ any of this.

Last edited by job; 10/24/16 11:19 AM. Reason: Cleaned up the language
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Shell,

I'm sorry that things aren't going well and maybe it's a good thing that he and his son aren't living there w/you and your family. From what you've posted, it sounds like he will never accept that his son has issues and is and/or can be destructive in the process.

I wouldn't hold my breath that you'll get any reimbursement out of him for the damage that his son has done in your home. The only way you might be able to get reimbursement is if you had called the police and had him arrested and a report written up on the incident.

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise that you've finally seen what he is like after all of this. I know you love him, but you and your family do not need this type of behavior going on in your home.

As for saying something to your brother, I'm not surprised about xbf not speaking to him. I would let him go and continue to move forward. God has other plans for you and your family that may not include this man and his son in your lives. Be thankful that none of you were hurt by his son.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Shell66 Offline OP
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I haven't posted in a hole just trying to pick up the pieces of my life.

Xbf did end up paying for walls to be fixed it was not easy to get him to do so. He lied & said he put check in mail almost 2 weeks ago I have get to receive it.

So I email him he offers to bring it to house (I told him no I have no desire to see you). I kind of found it interesting b\c he had to pick up 2nd son 45 min away from where xbf I living & It would be an 1\2 hour away from pick up spot then another 1\2 hour to go home.

So next day after mai! Came & still no check I email him again & tell him to take a check to my sisters & drop off (live in same town) or I will file court papers & we can do this the hard way I received rep!y back w\in 15 min that he dropped off check so yup contractor paid!!

So I email! Him back but didn't db very well I flipped out on him telling him that I knew he had ow (emotional affair or fantasy) block me & what a liar he is about check this ow etc. Of course no response back shocking right?

A few days later I get an emai asking about the rest of his stuff he still needs to replace bannaster on stairway, wallpaper & door handle on door.his son broke & ruined all these. So I tell him when I get rest of owed $$.

So I have been lurking around on this board & reading everything I can. I am convinced more than ever about mlc xbf fits it in numerous ways. I do not contact him. Yes I do snoop & need to stop b\c I am hurting myself only. He told ow who Ives 1000's of mike away the other day love ya! Her response WS thanks, hugs. Now this ow has issues I believe also she has like 5,000 friends on fb & mostly male she constantly posting selfies for attention & admirers she exploits her 3 daughters by posting them also I fear for these kids b\c she has no idea who she friends.

So enough about them more about where I am at! I am overwhelmed w\ all I need to get done in house painting etc. I am lonely it just me & my 2 dogs. My o!rest daughter moved back to apartment about a week after xbf left. My other daughter away at college. Ye I see girls & grandbabies all the time but still lonely.

I have been strong but today I broke down & released a lot of myself which I was reading about last night how we go through stages also yup I did about all my past mistakes beginning in teenage years upto now. It felt good to revisit & hopefully let them go.

Well that's where I am at today exhausted & 25 lbs lighter (yaaa me)!

Thanks all for reading my story until next time love & peace to all!

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