Maybs - Pt 4 - where to now?

[hawker]

So how did the picking up of the items go? Did she show?

[maybs]

It was the stupidest....

She only wanted 6 things and she could have easily taken them all and she only took 3 things and made no mention of when she would be coming back to get the rest.

She showed up with ow and ow's parents. Both of them.... It was so uncomfortable... And in what world ANYONE thinks that's appropriate....

Honestly her presence and her ow didn't bug me. What bugs me is that I wanted her to take EVERYTHING and she still didn't.

At the end she said "I'm going to go" and before I could filter myself all I said was "good" she glared at me and turned and walked away.

We didn't really interact while she was here. She got her stuff, ow stood outside on the street by the car. She asked me a couple questions and I answered but didn't lift a finger to help her.

After she left my dog ran away because he was trying to get outside and look for her. When I finally got him back he howled non-stop of an hour. He's still walking around the house whining and looking for her. I feel bad for him, he obviously is very attached to her, she has been in his life since he was a puppy so I don't blame him, but it makes me sad.

Seeing her today reinforced that I have no feelings left for her. There's nothing there. I look at her and I don't even see the person that I married anymore. I really do wish the best for her but I'm done, I feel like I can say with clarity that I feel nothing for her. I don't feel angry or sad or whatever else. Sometimes I feel incredulous that she would do something so ridiculous but I also feel that about my friends periodically.

I came to the realization over the past couple of days that I'm truly happy with my life. I love my job, I love my friends, I love my cozy little home, I have things that I'm excited about and looking forward to. And to be honest I've started seeing someone that I really like, she's fully aware of my past and there are no caveats. I'm no longer hoping for R or my M. I'm with her and that's that and I'm happy. It's like I have my own little slice of heaven over here.

[maybs]

I guess nothing new to report really, just been doing me.

I noticed this morning that I don't actually think about XW anymore. She doesn't occupy my thoughts like she used to. I don't wonder what she's doing or with who or anything. I just don't think about her.

Getting on well at work, taking on more and more responsibility. Sucky in some ways because now I'm working out of the class. but good in others because after a certain amount of time I can petition for a class raise and a pay increase!!! We are talking about throwing a team holiday party and doing one of those escape room things.

Things are going well at home. Ive been decorating and rearranging and making things mine. I have someone who is going to be moving in in a couple of weeks to rent a room so that will give me a good financial cushion.

Things have been going really really well for me. I have friends whom I adore and who are so supportive and it sounds so corny but for the first time since all of this started I feel like everything is just falling into place... In my heart I still feel that divorce was the wrong course for our M but I've accepted it for what it is and not what I want it to be and it's okay.

I'm young, I have a good job, I'm smart, and not so terrible looking if I do say so myself... Things will be just fine for me.