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Joined: Sep 2012
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Hiya CB. Long time. Just checking in and thought of you. I see my good friend Mach is hanging with ya. Couldnt ask for anyone better.

Just one thing I noticed..you are still watching her really closely. Trying to figure out what words, actions, facial expressions, etc. mean.

Step away from that mindset, my friend. I know you are writing that you are, I am just not seeing it completely, ya know?

This will play out as it will. You can just ride the tide or keep lookin for the sharks...I am thinking riding it a lot more fun.

Joined: Feb 2013
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cbtdad Offline OP
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Thanks for checking in UR!!
Yes I was doing quite a bit of that. Every little word or text. What did that expression mean, etc
It actually become frustrating and exhausting
We just get back from family vacation. W was there only half of the time and we had a good time.
It was just the two of us skiing one day and we had a few beers.
First time in a while that we were both just relaxed hanging out it seemed. She even said, "seems like we are on the same page for the first time in a while. It just took coming up to the mountains" We both laughed and agreed.
It's been nice just living in the moment with zero expectations either way.
I do find that I still have hope for my marriage though. So that tells me I shouldn't move on.

It's been great having Mach put me in my place.
I need that.


M 37 W 30
S 7
Together 10 years
Married 9 years
BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day)
I moved to apartment 1/11/13
W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13
Peicing: 6/3/13
Reconciled: 7/2013
BD2: 4/20/16
still working on it
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,198
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cbtdad Offline OP
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Well its been a while since I posted. Things are still moving along towards divorce. All very amicable so far. I've gone ahead and put everything into motion. Found a place about 15 mins away that I really like. Great pool, great workout facility, walking distance to great food and drink.
As of now we are using the same attorney for the process. We will be sitting down in the next couple weeks to go over everything. Custody, child support, assets and debt, etc
We are getting along well and hopefully this goes smoothly. I know there will be some bumps.
Ever since the talk we had in the beginning of February things have been pretty smooth. No arguments or blow ups. Couple disagreements. Which were both about laundry of all things.
A couple days ago she asked me to wash the whites and guest towels. So I did. Threw them in dryer when done. She got mad later in the night when I didn't fold them. At that point it was 10pm and I was going to bed. I told her she had the day off tomorrow and she could finish them.
One of the things I have put in place is some boundaries and that was one of them. Me "feeling" like I'm doing everything around the house all the time. Since we are no longer working on marriage I don't feel like I need to do everything.
She can pitch in and do her share of the house she lives in as well.
Overall I am just tired. I have gotten to a point where all my anxiety is about finances and son. Not the loss of my W. Yes I have anxiety about not having the "family unit" like it was, but not about her individually.
The only way that I would work on this any longer is if she recognized some of her own faults and said the she planned to work on those.
I'm wondering if this is something I should even say to her.
I just don't know. Even if she did, I still don't think it would work. I just dont think she can give me what I want anymore. I think she has grown into a different person.
So as of now I just continue to do me. I am working out all the time, still eat better, I've grown a beard and I really work on actively listening to people.
The beard has got the attention of a lot ladies. So that's why I kept the facial hair after returning from skiing.
It's nice to get the attention. That's for sure.


M 37 W 30
S 7
Together 10 years
Married 9 years
BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day)
I moved to apartment 1/11/13
W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13
Peicing: 6/3/13
Reconciled: 7/2013
BD2: 4/20/16
still working on it
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 1,509
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I'm sorry to hear that cbtdad... I had high hopes for you.

It always seemed that your expecting something from her always got in the way, I hope that you've really come to terms that she won't always do what you want and have stopped expecting things.

I wonder if there's anyway to follow through with your current plans, figure out custody and separate, but shelve the D for now. She's been going through schooling, you've been trying to deal with her past A which was made more difficult with her focus on school..

Maybe time apart when life is back to normal will change the feelings for each other, maybe not, but there is no hurry to D unless some other major life change dictates it.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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