Roads Go Ever On

[Phoebe]

It sounds like I would have benefitted from the DC meetings, but, yet again, I'm late to the party. I'd love it if you continued to share some of what you are learning/hearing each week.

I did enroll myself in a class, but one that I hadn't even considered until I saw an announcement for it last week. It's less a class than a discussion group, but the topic is Caring for Your Own Piece of the Earth. It's a group learning format where we learn about caring for our land (in this case it's about our yards, not large tracts of land) in a more holistic manner that benefits both humans and wildlife. I've only been to the first of 5 meetings, but I really enjoyed it. It's also really nice to spend time with some like-minded gardeners, as opposed to my neighbors who happens to think that sprinkling Sevin dust on his cucumbers is a good answer to a few bugs. Yummy..

I'm glad to read your update.

[Painter]

Phoebe, you can join the DC meetings anytime - it doesn't matter if they've started up.

[Painter]

A while ago, I had a little bout of posting sayings that I came across - they were statements from support groups or things I thought of in my processing of the breakdown of my marriage. Some members here really liked them, so I'm sharing one that has stuck in my mind for the last two weeks:

The choices I make today, shapes my character tomorrow.

Looking back at the choices I have made and the choices WH has made, this is so true. I wish he had made better choices, and I'm happy that Divorce Busting helped me make the best choices I could in that situation.

[Painter]

Not much going on with me. I took on a little too much and had to calm my schedule down.

My temp job is over, so that freed up a lot of time. I'm staying socially busy, which is nice. I've met someone who is currently just a friend, but it may become something down the road. We're just taking it very slow to make sure it's a real thing before we decide to move forward. It could take months.

I went to divorce care group yesterday and can tell that I've come so far in recent months, especially when I see where the other group members are at.

Another thought that has stayed with me lately: The grass is greener where you water and nurture it.

I may not post much here going forward. I don't really belong in this category anymore, so I probably will come back in another forum once the D gets started - which could be a long time.

[Painter]

Just a little update.

I will move to the Surviving the Divorce forum, although I am not legally divorced at this time. It feels very much like I am emotionally.

The earliest either of us could file, was in mid-October. STBXH has not filed. I am pretty sure he is using me as protection against having to marry OW, as she wants him to and he doesn't want to at this point.

I'm not filing partly out of principle, partly out of convenience (it is a significant financial benefit for me to stay M). Also, I need time to recover. I just can't take on the stress of a D process right now. I'm very, very happy with my life as it is and I don't want to get dragged back into that world until I have to.

Due to potential legal ramifications, I can't say a whole lot about what's going on in my life outside my usual activites, except that it has taken a very unexpected but happy direction. I am in a much better place than I was during most of my M, with a level of equal and respectful interaction, exploration and understanding, connection, challenge, and healing that I didn't think was possible. I didn't plan for it, but I'm not going to turn down a connection that seems rare and precious.

I hope this can be an encouraging post for those who are losing hope about their M. There is life after the death of the M, and it can be much better. You can take what you learned about yourself and relationships and put it to use to create a better future.

See you at the bottom of the list...

[Phoebe]

Hi Painter!!! I'm glad to see that you have found yourself at a better place with regards to your M. As long as things as stable and calm, I can't see any reason to rush into the D process. Believe me. It's a highly over-rated experience. I would have much rather stayed in my semi-limbo no-contact bubble than this seemingly-unending legal process. Yuck.

Eventually I'll be moving my own story into the surviving thread, too, but I'm barely into this D thing yet, and there are miles to go before I sleep, as they say.

Meanwhile, I just wanted to say hello and to send you my best. Thank you for checking in on me!

((((((((((Painter))))))))))

[Phoebe]

Just stopping by to say hello again, Painter. I hope that you are well. Hugs!!!