The Woman is Pure Evil

[RDS]

Well, today is my 32 year anniversary. I guess most people would assume if you’ve been married this long then it’s pretty much forever. Obviously it’s not forever. I don’t know what the day has in store for me as it’s just getting started. I’m not very sad, yet, but as the day goes by who knows how my emotions will run.

The last few anniversaries were a bit stiff anyway as we “celebrated” the date only because that is what you’re supposed to do, right? We went through the motions. Hell, the last two anniversaries we didn’t even make love. How screwed (no pun) up is that?

My mind does want to go back on our wedding day. My W was so happy. She kept telling me how much she loved me and how I made her the happiest woman in the world. I was happy too, but I was also nervous because I knew I had just made a huge decision in my life and from then on it wasn’t going to be only about me. It was going to be about us. I’m not yet there where it’s only about me. I’m working on it. I think most here can relate when I say I want it to be about us again.

My W and I have talked each night this week and each talk has been at least 100 minutes long. Yesterday she called me to check on me because my D and I had an argument about how I’m selling the house. I had stopped by my W’s office yesterday morning to have her sign some stuff pertaining to the house sale. My W could still tell I was still annoyed with me D from the argument I had the night before. She looked at me and said, “RDS, you’re looking like the old RDS. I want the new RDS back.” I stared back at her and gave her a big hug and thanked her for pointing it out to me. She called me later that night expressing her concern that she overstepped her bounds. I assured her she didn’t I was very appreciative of letting me know when I was going back to the “old” RDS. I wasn’t mad at my D anymore. I was a little disappointed my D was so opinionated and wouldn’t get me the support on mine and my W’s decision on selling the house.

This is the first time I’ve sent her a spousal support check. Usually she withdraws the money out of the account (after I give approval). I was hoping the check would arrive yesterday so we could discuss it. It didn’t and I don’t know if she will contact me with questions. I’m hoping she doesn’t until tomorrow. We will see.

Oh, and my water heater is dead. Nothing like taking a cold shower on your sad wedding anniversary to get you started for the day. I’m hoping it’s nothing more than the heating elements. One of the elements is corroded and some water is leaking from it. I do not want to change out the whole water heater. At least it will give me something to do tonight.

[SH_]

Just want to lend some support for you on this challenging day for you.

Hey, they say a cold shower is good for you. Lol

Good luck with the water heater though. What a pain to have to deal with.

Hang in there friend.

[RDS]

Thanks SuperHero. I appreciate the kind words. I'm actually looking forward to working on the water heater. I know it's been on borrowed time for awhile now as the water coming out was never as hot as it should have been.

[JRuss]

Sunday is my 17th anniversary. I'm dreading it. It must be even harder with that much more shared time and memories. I feel your pain.

[JRuss]

Also -- be careful with that water heater. Definite electrocution hazard if you don't know what you're doing (sounds like you do).

[RDS]

JRus, man I understand your pain. When we were at 17 years we were rocking and I never would have dreamed I would end up here. A few years later I got angry at my W, never could get over it, and I took it for granted she would always be there no matter what. I will never ever do that again.

I got the water heater working again. I changed the top and bottom heating elements and I changed the top thermostat. The bottom thermostat still looked good so I left it. The bottom element tested good as well but I went ahead and removed and replaced it also. I didn't know how bad my water heater had gotten. It's almost too hot now.

[RDS]

Yesterday my 32 year anniversary came and went okay. I really didn't get sad at all. If the anniversary was a couple of months ago when my W and I weren't communicating then I'm sure I would have been a blabbering idiot. I busied myself repairing my water heater and getting the house ready for the staging lady to come by later. We did not communicate yesterday.

Early this morning I texted my W a couple of times about some stuff she ordered through Amazon and about her spousal support check. I also told her about the water heater. She ended up calling me about 0530 and we talked for nearly an hour and it didn't seem that long. I didn't ask what she did yesterday or even mention our anniversary. I didn't think about it until the call ended. I'm still amazed I can talk to her on the phone for so long and not notice the time. One of the big regrets I've had since she left me was how much we shut each other out. It's a cliche, but I am rediscovering her and still learning about her even after all these years.

[JRuss]

OUtstanding, RDS! Bossing a repair job like that is excellent GALing and, I'm sure, good for your soul.

And great job getting through your anniversary. I'm hoping I come through similarly unscathed.

As Mules says, "strength and honor".

[RDS]

Thanks JRuss. I really do appreciate the support. You're right, repairing the the water heater was a boss feeling. I had just discontinued the home warranty to save money. I always felt like the warranty was a waste of money but it gave my W piece of mind. I hoped the decision to stop the warranty service wouldn't bite me in the rear.

The parts to repair the water heater was $44 (including a special tool). The cost of the warranty is about $50 a month and a $75 service fee. So right off the bat I saved $80 and I got the water heater fixed the same day. Calling in a service request from the warranty company can take a couple of days. And even if the repair is simple you know doing the stuff yourself is a good feeling.

[RDS]

It’s been over a week since I’ve posted. Nothing new to report really. I’m working my butt off to get this house ready to be put on the market. My W is not doing much to help. She has occasionally dropped by early in the morning to give me some cleaning supplies and a listing of apartment complexes in the area for me to move to when the house is sold. I asked her to do that as a half joke/half serious request. While I’m making multiple trips to the dump and scrubbing the house I have to admit I do resent her somewhat for not taking a more active role in getting this house ready for sale. It’s almost like the last few years of our M. I was doing all the work while she sat back and took all the rewards. We’ve lived in this house for 14+ years and were married for 32 years so there is a lot of stuff we’ve accumulated that I am getting rid of, and in the stuff are lots and lots of memories or our time together. At least now she is acknowledging my work whereas before she seemed to be oblivious to what I was doing.

We continue to communicate freely on the phone and almost all conversations are two hours or longer. Since BD we have talked nearly 3,000 minutes on the phone, which is saying something when you consider the first two months we didn’t communicate at all. I am almost always happy when I talk to her on the phone. It’s when she drops by the house where I can barely contain my sadness. It’s a reminder that she isn’t with me anymore when she comes by and within minutes she is gone again. I can’t stand it. It seems as if she is dealing with this way better than I am. I wonder if I had left her as I had thought about before if my feelings would be different than what I’m going through as a LBS. I have to think I would be facing the world in a much better mood.

I know it’s way over melodramatic, but going through our belongings almost feels like I know what someone who is facing death is going through. All the memories of what was and knowing the future will not include us together. Being together for over 33 years is hard to throw away.

One of the topics we talked about today was things we did for each other that we misinterpreted its meaning. For example, my wife wanted to irritate me so she kept piling pillows on my side of the bed because she knew when I came to be I was pretty tired and wanted nothing more than to get in bed and go to sleep. I only need a pillow or two, yet she kept putting more and more pillows on my side. Eventually I would have 5-6 pillows I would clear from my side before I went to bed. I always thought she was being overly nice to me by giving me so many pillows but she was doing it to piss me off. When she told me this today we had a laugh about it. I actually thought it was funny she was trying to irritate me and all the while I thought it was amusing she was doing.

One thing she did say in a rather off-handed remark was how in a lot of other states getting a divorce is so much easier and quicker than it is here in SC and this state is so backwards. I might have read too much into it, but I sensed a sadness in her voice as if she wished she could have the divorce over and done with. I calmly replied that South Carolina is still an old school state and the laws are geared in trying to keep the marriage together as much as possible because marriage is still generally better than divorce. She didn’t really reply to that.

I am sure when I get my own place and out of this house full of memories my outlook on my marriage will brighten considerably.

I just have to get there first.